Success after IF

Going to the obgyn made me sad (pity party inside)

I had my annual this morning. I haven't been there in a year and just sitting in the waiting room made my heart hurt. My obgyn shares an office and waiting room with my old RE, so it was bittersweet from both perspectives.

I know I've harped on this a lot (and gone back and forth) but the more my husband and I talk about it the more I think we're one and done. And that makes me so, so sad. When the doc and I were chatting before the exam I mentioned that my SIL was pregnant and how wistful it made me, how I missed seeing her (the doc) and knowing we'd be listening to the h/b on the doppler, etc.

Sigh.

Re: Going to the obgyn made me sad (pity party inside)

  • ((BIG HUGS)) I am sure that must be so hard
    ****
  • I hate that this decision makes you so sad... Especially if you feel like being one and done is the right choice for your family. I am sorry, hon. (((hug))).
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  • That's what makes me sad - I don't think this is the right choice for our family. I want another child, but my husband doesn't. He's made that pretty clear lately. And I just can't agree to it. I feel a hole where another child should be and to not even be given the chance to fill it...

  • {{hugs}}

     

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  • Oh hon... I just don't think I could live with such a big disagreement. I feel like it will lead to a lot of resentment, you know? Would you guys consider seeing a counselor to help you both feel good about this decision? Even if it doesn't change the outcome, I know I would need help coming to peace with it and not begrudging my husband for making the decision for me.
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  • Unless something changes then yeah, I think we're going to have to go to a counselor for this. I don't want to resent him but it's tough not to. I don't think it's fair for him to make the decision for me/us. Sigh...this all sucks.

  • imageoct11bride03:

    Unless something changes then yeah, I think we're going to have to go to a counselor for this. I don't want to resent him but it's tough not to. I don't think it's fair for him to make the decision for me/us. Sigh...this all sucks.

     Ugh I hate the bump....it keeps messing up my reply!!!!!!!!!!

    OK...I am so sorry you are going through all this.  I think counceling is necessary for you guys.  I agree that it is not fair that he gets the final decision with a matter this huge.  I know that I will have another child whether biological or through adoption and I am not sure how I would feel if my DH was on a different page.  You definitely need to talk because bottling this up will lead to resentment.  I really hope that you guys can figure out a solution that you can both be at peace with.

    ****
  • Ugh...now I feel worse. Totally not your fault ladyc and PhillySue, but I've kinda been avoiding thinking about the resentment and counseling, but seeing it in writing and your reactions make me realize I need to deal with it. And since we're both at work I can't even bring it up until later tonight. Blah.
  • I don't like that you feel worse, but I am glad things are coming to the surface. I don't want you to stuff this down and ignore it. It is too important for your emotional health and the future of your marriage. I will be thinking of you, S!
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  • I know just how you feel.  I had my annual last month and cried on my way home from the appointment.  Seeing all the pg bellies in the waiting room, talking to my OB about how we aren't preventing right now, but with our MFI dx, our chances are incredibly slim, her pointing out to me that with my age, we don't want to wait around too long to have another .  . .  it all just added up.  We are likely one and done, too.

    So, I can relate.  I hope your day gets better.  Hugs. 

     

  • I am so sorry : ( I totally did not want to make you feel worse.  I mentioned the resentment bit because I just took my husbad's head off the other day over something very stupid.  He came to me and said "obviously this is not about milk".  He was right.  Basically I had been bottling a lot feelings up and I was really starting to resent all the time he has to himself during the week.  I never get "a day off" and he does. It was making me very angry at even little things.  I definitely saw it hurting our marriage.  Clearly the issue about being one and done is a lot bigger then our issue so I definitely think you guys should talk.   I also have been seeing a counselor recntly about my m/c and IF issues and she has really stressed to me that I need to talk to DH about my feelings.  I think I may even have him come in with me at some point. Well, I hope I did not make you feel too bad.  ((HUGS)).

    ****
  • imagePhillySue:

    I am so sorry : ( I totally did not want to make you feel worse.  I mentioned the resentment bit because I just took my husbad's head off the other day over something very stupid.  He came to me and said "obviously this is not about milk".  He was right.  Basically I had been bottling a lot feelings up and I was really starting to resent all the time he has to himself during the week.  I never get "a day off" and he does. It was making me very angry at even little things.  I definitely saw it hurting our marriage.  Clearly the issue about being one and done is a lot bigger then our issue so I definitely think you guys should talk.   I also have been seeing a counselor recntly about my m/c and IF issues and she has really stressed to me that I need to talk to DH about my feelings.  I think I may even have him come in with me at some point. Well, I hope I did not make you feel too bad.  ((HUGS)).

    Oh no - you absolutely didn't do anything wrong! It's not like the things you and ladyc said were news to me. I definitely think the resentment is boiling over into other aspects of our life and I need to talk to him about it.

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