Success after IF

I can't stop crying :(

I'm mad, and I'm so very sad.  I went to sleep last night crying for PBL, and I woke up crying for her this morning. 

I don't understand this at all.  I'm mad as hell that she is having to go through this...it just simply isn't fair.

Mostly, my heart is broken for her...and for all of my friends who have angel babies.  I normally have a strong faith in God...but today, it is on shaky, shaky ground.

I can't stop crying...and to be honest, I don't want to stop.  I want to cry until I can understand WHY. 

I don't know what the point of this post is...but I just needed to say the words...

I know that nobody promised that life would be fair...but damn...

 

Re: I can't stop crying :(

  • and this is the exact reason I lost my faith, because I don't understand the WHY?

    I am mad for her! So unfair!

     

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Savannah
    image.
    Callista
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    Baby Trail Blog
    "Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
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  • imageMrs.Babbsy:

    and this is the exact reason I lost my faith, because I don't understand the WHY?

    I struggle every day with the why for my own losses and for every other woman who has lost a baby.  However, I really try to believe that God was not the one who took my babies, that was just the harsh reality and unfairness of life.  I need to believe that or I too would lose my faith.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

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  • Although I'm not crying, every time I think about it, I get this horrible sinking feeling in my stomach.  You're right, life is unfair.
    Ella- 8/22/08, Jules and Tuck- 12/15/10
    image
  • I am having the same problems.  I can't stop thinking about how unfair this is.  I hate the fact that anyone has to go through this.  Thinking of PBL and her family.
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  • Nothing about this is fair.Unfair isn't even a good enough word.

    To all those who have lost their faith or don't understand WHY:

    I was there, pissed at God, ready to abolish any faith I had left after we lost our twins. DH was there with me. The we read a book called The Shack, right after our loss. It saved us, gave us more understanding than we could have ever hoped for. Answered the question in our hearts.

    I don't want to sound preachy, but this helped us heal and restored our faith more than anything anyone did or said. Please pick it up, if you are having trouble with things like this.

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  • i know. it's heartbreaking.

    FWIW, this is a saying in my religion that i think of during terrible times:

    "it is only through fear that we learn trust, only through anger that we learn wisdom, and only through grief that we learn compassion."

    that helps me have peace with the idea that God would create a world where there is so much suffering--the idea that without suffering, there would be no trust, wisdom, or compassion. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I know - I am so sad for her and so many of the other ladies on IF - I will never understand why - for pbl, nestingaway and so many others - why does this happen to them- why can crackheads and the people on maury can have kid after kid year upon year without even knowing who the dads are and not even wanting them and these awful things happen to such deserving, loving women who want nothing more than their babies - I believe in God but I will never understand this
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  • I hear you, Dana. It is just so unfair!   It just seems like it happened all of a sudden.   Like one minute Panda was going about her day like normal thinking about the precious life inside her. Thinking about probably how to decorate his nursery.  heck just a few days before she was talking about his name when repsonding to a post about names.   Then her world gets turned upside down. 

     

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  • Me too.  I'm so shaken by her loss.  This happens to me any time one of our own has a terrible experience like PBL.  It's just not fair and I don't understand why something so awful has to happen to anyone, let alone a SAIFer.  :(

    image
  • imageLIAngel:

    I hear you, Dana. It is just so unfair!   It just seems like it happened all of a sudden.   Like one minute Panda was going about her day like normal thinking about the precious life inside her. Thinking about probably how to decorate his nursery.  heck just a few days before she was talking about his name when repsonding to a post about names.   Then her world gets turned upside down. 

     

    It does seem so sudden - I remember losing my twins and it was so sudden - on wednesday the ob told me the sch was almost gone and the babies looked great and to go home and celebrate (it was new years eve) - then on Thursday I felt like I wasgetting sick and on Friday morning I felt better and was just chilling in bed and my water broke and they were gone a few hours later - nothing prepares you for a loss like this - it just makes me heartsick
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  • imageCassian:

    Nothing about this is fair.Unfair isn't even a good enough word.

    To all those who have lost their faith or don't understand WHY:

    I was there, pissed at God, ready to abolish any faith I had left after we lost our twins. DH was there with me. The we read a book called The Shack, right after our loss. It saved us, gave us more understanding than we could have ever hoped for. Answered the question in our hearts.

    I don't want to sound preachy, but this helped us heal and restored our faith more than anything anyone did or said. Please pick it up, if you are having trouble with things like this.

     

    Just went on Half.com and ordered it.

     

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Savannah
    image.
    Callista
    image
    Baby Trail Blog
    "Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • imageMrs.Babbsy:
    imageCassian:

    Nothing about this is fair.Unfair isn't even a good enough word.

    To all those who have lost their faith or don't understand WHY:

    I was there, pissed at God, ready to abolish any faith I had left after we lost our twins. DH was there with me. The we read a book called The Shack, right after our loss. It saved us, gave us more understanding than we could have ever hoped for. Answered the question in our hearts.

    I don't want to sound preachy, but this helped us heal and restored our faith more than anything anyone did or said. Please pick it up, if you are having trouble with things like this.

     

    Just went on Half.com and ordered it.

     

    I'm so glad you are going to read this! I have to warn you, there are some tough parts in the book, and it will make you cry in parts. I know people who stopped reading it because it was upsetiing, but I swear, just stick with it, see it through to the end and you won't be sorry.
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  • imageCassian:
    imageMrs.Babbsy:
    imageCassian:

    Nothing about this is fair.Unfair isn't even a good enough word.

    To all those who have lost their faith or don't understand WHY:

    I was there, pissed at God, ready to abolish any faith I had left after we lost our twins. DH was there with me. The we read a book called The Shack, right after our loss. It saved us, gave us more understanding than we could have ever hoped for. Answered the question in our hearts.

    I don't want to sound preachy, but this helped us heal and restored our faith more than anything anyone did or said. Please pick it up, if you are having trouble with things like this.

     

    Just went on Half.com and ordered it.

     

    I'm so glad you are going to read this! I have to warn you, there are some tough parts in the book, and it will make you cry in parts. I know people who stopped reading it because it was upsetiing, but I swear, just stick with it, see it through to the end and you won't be sorry.

     I will let you know when I am done with it and we can discuss.

     

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Savannah
    image.
    Callista
    image
    Baby Trail Blog
    "Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I really and truly feel loved by you ladies. You are so awesome. I don't know why things happened this way, but they did. Maybe we were all going to be killed in an accident next Saturday on the way to my big u/s and Quincy saved us or maybe something horrible was going to happen to him later in life and now he will never suffer. My faith is strong and I have 2 beautiful girls and a fantastic DH. This may knock me down for a while, but I won't let it define me or make me bitter.
    Momma to 2 sweet girls here on earth and a precious baby boy in heaven
  • imagepandabearlover:
    I really and truly feel loved by you ladies. You are so awesome. I don't know why things happened this way, but they did. Maybe we were all going to be killed in an accident next Saturday on the way to my big u/s and Quincy saved us or maybe something horrible was going to happen to him later in life and now he will never suffer. My faith is strong and I have 2 beautiful girls and a fantastic DH. This may knock me down for a while, but I won't let it define me or make me bitter.

    You are truly an inspiration. My heart is with you!

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Savannah
    image.
    Callista
    image
    Baby Trail Blog
    "Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • imagepandabearlover:
    I really and truly feel loved by you ladies. You are so awesome. I don't know why things happened this way, but they did. Maybe we were all going to be killed in an accident next Saturday on the way to my big u/s and Quincy saved us or maybe something horrible was going to happen to him later in life and now he will never suffer. My faith is strong and I have 2 beautiful girls and a fantastic DH. This may knock me down for a while, but I won't let it define me or make me bitter.

    You are loved. 

    I know that God has his reasons, and that we aren't mean to understand...but it can be so hard sometimes.  I'm so glad to hear that you are strong in your faith, and I hope that brings you peace during this sad time in your life.

    (((hugs)))

     

  • imagepandabearlover:
    I really and truly feel loved by you ladies. You are so awesome. I don't know why things happened this way, but they did. Maybe we were all going to be killed in an accident next Saturday on the way to my big u/s and Quincy saved us or maybe something horrible was going to happen to him later in life and now he will never suffer. My faith is strong and I have 2 beautiful girls and a fantastic DH. This may knock me down for a while, but I won't let it define me or make me bitter.

    I find peace in hearing your words about what you are going through. Thank you.

    image
    imageimage
    Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin. Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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