I'm mad, and I'm so very sad. I went to sleep last night crying for PBL, and I woke up crying for her this morning.
I don't understand this at all. I'm mad as hell that she is having to go through this...it just simply isn't fair.
Mostly, my heart is broken for her...and for all of my friends who have angel babies. I normally have a strong faith in God...but today, it is on shaky, shaky ground.
I can't stop crying...and to be honest, I don't want to stop. I want to cry until I can understand WHY.
I don't know what the point of this post is...but I just needed to say the words...
I know that nobody promised that life would be fair...but damn...
Re: I can't stop crying :(
and this is the exact reason I lost my faith, because I don't understand the WHY?
I am mad for her! So unfair!
Savannah
Callista
Baby Trail Blog
"Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
I struggle every day with the why for my own losses and for every other woman who has lost a baby. However, I really try to believe that God was not the one who took my babies, that was just the harsh reality and unfairness of life. I need to believe that or I too would lose my faith.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
Nothing about this is fair.Unfair isn't even a good enough word.
To all those who have lost their faith or don't understand WHY:
I was there, pissed at God, ready to abolish any faith I had left after we lost our twins. DH was there with me. The we read a book called The Shack, right after our loss. It saved us, gave us more understanding than we could have ever hoped for. Answered the question in our hearts.
I don't want to sound preachy, but this helped us heal and restored our faith more than anything anyone did or said. Please pick it up, if you are having trouble with things like this.
i know. it's heartbreaking.
FWIW, this is a saying in my religion that i think of during terrible times:
"it is only through fear that we learn trust, only through anger that we learn wisdom, and only through grief that we learn compassion."
that helps me have peace with the idea that God would create a world where there is so much suffering--the idea that without suffering, there would be no trust, wisdom, or compassion.
I hear you, Dana. It is just so unfair! It just seems like it happened all of a sudden. Like one minute Panda was going about her day like normal thinking about the precious life inside her. Thinking about probably how to decorate his nursery. heck just a few days before she was talking about his name when repsonding to a post about names. Then her world gets turned upside down.
Just went on Half.com and ordered it.
Savannah
Callista
Baby Trail Blog
"Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
I will let you know when I am done with it and we can discuss.
Savannah
Callista
Baby Trail Blog
"Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
You are truly an inspiration. My heart is with you!
Savannah
Callista
Baby Trail Blog
"Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
You are loved.
I know that God has his reasons, and that we aren't mean to understand...but it can be so hard sometimes. I'm so glad to hear that you are strong in your faith, and I hope that brings you peace during this sad time in your life.
(((hugs)))
I find peace in hearing your words about what you are going through. Thank you.
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.