SAHM ?

TalulaSue

If you stay at home with your twins, does your DH offer to get up on the weekend and let you sleep in?  I normally wouldn't ask my DH,but b/c he actually works for himself and lately has been sleeping in and not going to work until about 10, I figured him getting up one day a weekend would be "fair".  The mornings are so easy with our girls, it's just changing diapers, breakfast, play and back down for a nap in two hours.  And they are so happy and usually sleep until 7:30 so it's not like I"m asking him to get up at 6.  Can you tell we had a fight?  (of course this wasn't all it was about.... )  just wondering if I'm being selfish for asking him to get up one day a weekend and I get up one day a weekend. What is your setup?  

leviandlandensmom

Nope. My DH has been unemployed for over a year and doesn't get up with the babies; I BF so I get up and feed them and change them and he gets up when my older kids get up and gets them breakfast and helps me get them ready for school. Neither of us sleep in ever. I'm looking forward to sleeping in...when my kids are grown

lgurian

DH gets up with them at least one of his days off. although most often both. he gets up for work at 445am so sleeping til 730am when the boys get up is sleeping in for him. i think its important for him to take some time with the boys. they are his kids too and i take care of them 95% because i do stay at home. i used to say "you are on baby duty" and he said we should change the saying to "you GET to spend time with the awesome babies now". and i think thats more true. they are awesome! who wouldnt want a little alone time with them?? another plus is that after spending two hours with them he appreciates me even more

have you asked him to take a morning? has be given a reason for not wanting to give you a morning to sleep in?  

but to answer your original question, no you are not selfish for wanting/needing a morning for yourself/peace and quiet.  

TalulaSue

MrsLee04:

SAHM is your job.  Ask him why he gets to sleep in from his job and why you don't?  Doesn't he want you to be well rested to care for your most precious assets?

You know, I've kind of tried to use that logic.  And truthfully, I don't mind getting up.  As I said, the morning is awesome with them... but I just want him to offer.  To say honey, don't worry, I've got this, you've been working so hard.  Lately it's like he thinks he pulls half the weight with them and works... it's so not close to true.  We've been ice'd in for a week (obviously why I'm a little on edge) and today I got out while the girls were napping to grocery shop.  The store was out of EVERYTHING (hence the icestorm) so I had to go to a few different places.  I called him to let him know I bought something to cook his favorite dinner and he said something pretty snarky, which started this whole fight.  I think he doesn't realize, the few times I ask him to watch them is b/c I need to run to the grocery store, or go downstairs and start dinner or run to the bank... I'm just having a little breakdown tonight, bc I feel so un-appreciated... and I know it comes with the territory.  But g-damnit, I wish I could skip out for a pedicure or something... 

TalulaSue

MrsLee04:

I'm sorry, being a SAH parent can be a very thankless job.  And you're right, you shouldn't even have to ask, he should offer to do things to give you a break since you don't get a day off from your job like he does.  The best SAH parent is the one who is allowed to do things for themselves once in awhile, because 24/7 with babies is very stressful!

Thank you.  I was pretty worked up earlier and got a little over emotional. He's a wonderful dad, I couldn't ask for a better father for my DDs.  I think I'm just going through a rough patch.  I want to spend the mornings with my DDs, I want to be with them all the time....  But... sigh... I guess it's just the small things are adding up and getting to me.  And, of course their 1st  birthday being on Wednesday has me in a really weird emotional place.  Honestly I needed to vent and thank you for listening  .  

TalulaSue

lgurian:

DH gets up with them at least one of his days off. although most often both. he gets up for work at 445am so sleeping til 730am when the boys get up is sleeping in for him. i think its important for him to take some time with the boys. they are his kids too and i take care of them 95% because i do stay at home. i used to say "you are on baby duty" and he said we should change the saying to "you GET to spend time with the awesome babies now". and i think thats more true. they are awesome! who wouldnt want a little alone time with them?? another plus is that after spending two hours with them he appreciates me even more

have you asked him to take a morning? has be given a reason for not wanting to give you a morning to sleep in?  

but to answer your original question, no you are not selfish for wanting/needing a morning for yourself/peace and quiet.  

Thank you for your response.  I have asked, and basically he thinks that since he works he deserves to sleep in on the weekends.  He constantly tells me what a wonderful mom I am, and how much he loves me, and yada yada... but I don't think he will equate my "job" to his anytime soon.  We just need to have some talks... I know I'm on edge a little so I blew up tonight and that doesn't help.  I hope we can resolve it tomorrow, but I don't really think he's going to see my side.  Of course it's not just about getting up in the morning, it boils down to respect.  We'll see.  

GirlsRock10

No, DH's not a morning person. However, I am and I get up way before the girls get up....just so I can have some peace and quiet with my cup of coffee before it all begins! But I must say...he helps me a great deal throughout the day and when he gets home on weekdays. Without him, I don't know what I would do!!!

jennie13

I BF, so I always get up, but if our older daughter wakes up first (rarely) DH gets up.  And when I'm done BFing, I will absolutely be sleeping in (even though sleeping in for me is about 7!) 

AmberB711

My DH lets me sleep Friday and SAturday nights. We currently have one STTN and the other not far behind just waking once at like 4am, but when they were waking 3-4 times a night if they woke at same time he could not handle them and would wake me, BUT I never woke him during week when both were up at same time.

nikinikinine

My husband just went back to work last week. This weekend he took the overnight feed, I just pumped and left him bottles.

I woke up both nights and pumped while he fed them and then went back to sleep. He did the bottles, diapers and got them back down, so I'm up for 20 mins and he's up for an hour.

It was great because even though I'm pumping I'm getting more sleep than I do during the week and I feel less pressure sharing the feeds with someone else,

lisa&andy

Well my DH gets up and then gets in the shower when our kids wake up on the weekends, so I still have to get out of bed and start our morning. I finally told him that I want one day, that I don't have to get up, get the kids, fix breakfast, etc. and he just looked at me. I will say that my DH gets up at 5am during the week so I do tend to let him sleep in on the weekends and I'm a morning person so 730 (the kids wake up time) is easy for me.

Have you tried getting away for a full day and let him handle the chores and the kids so he can see just how hard it is? Sometimes they need a little reminding that we don't sit at home eating bon bons. 

piccolina09

My DH gets up one early with them on Sat or Sun. For example they (three of them) got up today at 830, I slept till 10. Yesterday, I got up with them, can't really complain as 815-830 is way better than 6 am.

atc282

DH gets up on the weekends. It's always been that way and so I feel there is no need to bring it to his attention that I'm the one who gets some extra sleep,

I think he really enjoys the "daddy/daugther" time alone on Sat. and Sun. mornings since he works so much during the week.

 

macchiatto

Not selfish at all!
DH actually used to get up with the boys on weekdays and feed them breakfast before leaving for work. They sleep later now so he leaves for work before they get up most days. But we still take turns sleeping in on the weekends. Usually he gets up with the boys on Fridays and I do on Saturdays. (He works Sun-Thurs in general.)

macchiatto

MrsLee04:

I'm sorry, being a SAH parent can be a very thankless job.  And you're right, you shouldn't even have to ask, he should offer to do things to give you a break since you don't get a day off from your job like he does.  The best SAH parent is the one who is allowed to do things for themselves once in awhile, because 24/7 with babies is very stressful!

So true!