Sometimes I wonder what we did wrong.

firsttogo

The money post got me thinking. This is more of a vent, or whatever. DH and I both have 4 year degrees. DH has a steady job with benefits, and makes a decent salary, but is middle of the road for around here. I keep wondering financially when we will feel like we have arrived, and it does not ever look like it is going to be soon. We make it each month, but not by a ton. We put money in savings, our kids eat, we pay our bills, but that is where it stops. I know that a lot of people live like that, and maybe it seems that if I went to work it would help, but three in daycare would not even make it worth it.

I know these are all our choices, and believe me I would not ever change having children young, but does it ever get better, or does getting off on the wrong foot just screw you? I just thought at 26 and 27 we would be in a different financial place. 

Just a vent... Judge away. But I had to get it out!

ShannonSky

I feel EXACTLY the same. I mean, I'm ok with it because I'm happy with the choices we've made, and we're comfortable, but some months I just wonder where the money's going to come from to pay everything. But we wouldn't have waited to have kids and in this area, having your first at 23 is NOT the norm. At all. So I can't compare us to those families that had 2 incomes and no kids for 10-15 years before the first came along. We'd be in a much different place if we'd done that, but we're very happy.

krissyh21

Honestly, I think it is all about perspective. At 38, I am happy with the things I do have, but of course if we did things differently right out of high school/college we would have it different. I kick myself in the head about my cushy job I had about 20 years ago and the crap I spent my money on, nothing to show for it. I kick myself in the head for not waiting to buy a house, now that 5 years later the prices have tanked...

BUT

I am happy I am not using the stove for heat this winter. Happy I can take 1 vacation a year and happy I can afford 1 son and a house. And not worry about where my next meal is coming from.

Would I want more? Of course, we all would, but I am not bad off either.

(Plus, the crappy economy doesn't help either.) 

smilee

Well, when I think back to where I was financially when I was 26 or 27, it is no where near where I am now. I was single, living on my own, budgeting like crazy and I actually had a part-time job after school.

 I have 10 years on you guys, so I think that does make a huge difference. We are both teachers, so if we had kids when you guys did ( I don't mean that as a judgement- I hadn't even met DH yet, so kids were not at all on my radar), I am sure our situation would be more similar.  We both had 14 and close to 20 years in at our careers before we had kids. ( not that that was the plan! Stupid IF!)

TheSkimmy

I feel the same way. I would love some of the extras but I'm happy staying home and with DH traveling I wouldn't have a choice. I also get jealous when I look around me and some have things just handed to them- I know someone who was just given a car by their parents at 28 years old. Must be nice not to have a car payment!

firsttogo

Ok, me= kicking myself in the assss I am thankful for what we do have. I just need to keep things in perspective.

LucyPevensie

At 39 years old - after way too many years at a relatively "easy" job in public television - a place I stayed because it was comfortable (but has NEVER paid very well) - reading that you and DH are 26 and 27 - well, you just seem so young to me.  And I feel depressed because I at a place where we are "supposed" to be oh so comfy and we're fine, but that's it.  My job has never and will never pay a cushy salary - and DH does well but he works in the newspaper biz and it's just not a big money making field for most who are in it.  So like I said, we're fine, but I see friends passing us by financially (REALLY passing us by) and it's tough to watch sometimes.  Shiit by the time you're my age you'll prob be millionaires.  Cut yourself some slack.  It seems to me like you're doing quite well for a couple in your mid to late 20's!! 

dundasgirl

The job I left to SAH paid really well.  If we didn't have kids and I was still working, we could "have" lots of things we can't have right now.  It makes me want to cry to think about not having my kids and still working....wondering if we were ever going to have kids.

You guys are super young!  You have lots of time to make $$$!

epphd

Honestly, you are SO YOUNG to have three kids.  Most people start to "make it" (financially) in their 30s to 40s, and right now you are still, career-wise, getting established. 

DH and I had Sam when we were 35. Before that as DINKS with two Ph.D.s between us, we were scraping by until he got a faculty position. Then and only then, when we were in our early 30s before having kids, did we even have enough to save.  Granted we were in school much of the time, but the point is, that you have your heads above water at this point with 3 kids is a real testament to you.

You are doing great and while I am sure it would be nice to have more money, give it some time for your DH to mature in his career and for your kiddos to start school.  Before you know it, you'll have more and more to save and spend each month.

ETA: I should also mention that while DH and I are much more established in our careers, we are both in the non profit sector and this second kid is going to require a HUGE adjustment in terms of spending.  Daycare for two will not eat my entire salary so working will still be worth it, but it will require major changes to our day to day lives - we will be more or less scraping by again.  So even though we are more established in our careers, and I will be (gasp) nearly 37 when the baby is born, we'll still be sharing one beat up old car and pinching pennies.  Kids are just expensive

qtpa2t

I'll be brutally honest here:  With three kids, it's going to be a looong time before you feel like you've made it.  The good news is that you're relatively young.  And while I know some people make it with 4-year degrees, in my neck of the woods, a 4-yr degree is no better than a high school diploma.  I hire people with 4-yr degrees to wash my buckets and do grunt work.  When *I* had a 4-yr degree, I did work that definitely did not require a 4-yr degree but no one with less than that ever got hired.

It's also important to have some perspective here.  Baby boomers have been sitting in their jobs and occupying a good bulk of the upper echelon of the work pyramid for a long, long time.  And now many aren't retiring because they are afraid of supporting themselves because their investments have tanked in this economy.  That puts a huge drain on the income potential of everyone beneath them.  We will all earn the higher bracket incomes for less time, meaning less investments, less banked income, etc.

I'll also say that at 30, I hardly had made it.  DH and I were both inching by.  It was not until we got married that we some how managed to buy a house.  We both thought it would never happen.  We've managed our investments well, and honestly, starting my own business was the biggest thing that made the difference for us.  But it's a risk, too.  You're right, some of it is choices.  Had I stayed in nonprofits, we wouldn't be where we are now.  DH has the secure job; I have the one that fluctuates with the economy.  And all this time until now, we didn't have any children.  With children we definitely wouldn't have the other things we do have.

If you are paying your bills and making it each month - even by not a ton, you're doing well!!  You have enough for savings?  Wow.  That's great!   

PrincessShay80

I think being 26 and 27 and being where you are at is great! You are caring for you kids and saving- that alone puts you light years ahead of others your age. Most people live pay check to pay check and are older then you.

I do think financially maturity comes with age- when I met DH he was 34 and I was 24- he was WAY ahead of me, yes I had a good job,and an education,but I was worried about money a lot of the time. DH didnt have those worries- he had invested well and was continuing to do that, so now that he's 40 and I'm 30 it's just starting to pay off. To me, that is something that comes with age and experience. Being financially secure was something that was very important to me- sorry, but I had no desire to be the newly married couple that was so in love, but "struggled" in the money dept.

It will just take time- try to be patient!

 

AlissaCell701

TheSkimmy:

I feel the same way. I would love some of the extras but I'm happy staying home and with DH traveling I wouldn't have a choice. I also get jealous when I look around me and some have things just handed to them- I know someone who was just given a car by their parents at 28 years old. Must be nice not to have a car payment!

Pretty much this! I am in a kind of special situation but I am a SHAM and with DH's crazy work schedule I am happy with our choice.

sliz

i'm with epphd on this one - here's to having two phds from one of the best schools in the world and pretty much just making it - we don't do a lot of things that "normal" people do - i.e. we don't go on vacations/travel, go to concerts/shows/expensive dinners, heck - we still own hand-me down and grad school furniture and tube tvs....DH's job is not secure and I am SAH with DD (or I could work 50-60 hrs a wk to have more than half go to daycare for one baby)

I also agree that the there are a lot more "degree-holders" than there are jobs for them in every category and that now people expect you to have higher and higher degrees to do jobs that do not require that level of education.....we keep hearing rumors that more people are retiring and that there aren't enough new graduates to fill the openings - I think that is a really big myth.....

so basically if we can pay the bills and have enough to have one or two more kids and break even that's all we can hope for - not that i ever wanted to be rich but it would have been nice to have job security and to know that we could afford to retire in our late 60's and pay for the kids to go to college (even those prospects are looking bleak given the economy and state of jobs here now)

jenber77

I feel like DH and I both could have made much better education and career choices. When I was 20, I didn't care that I was getting into an industry that 1) would restrict me to a few major cities (i.e., the expensive ones), and 2) would never pay very well. Having kids and owning a home were not on my radar then; I was so short-sighted.

I try to tell myself that "things" don't matter, that possessions do not equal happiness, but man I would like to go on a vacation someday, not to mention own a home! 

We'll be fine. We'll never have to go without the basics. Whenever I feel the green-eyed monster coming on, I just need to go cuddle my boy and remember what's really important.

SeaSoul

Imagine feeling that way at 42?  I just try to focus on the positives...but I get what you're saying.