Success after IF

Moms of Toddlers - if you got to do the beginning over again

What would you not stress as much over?  I was thinking about this lately, because with DD, I haven't cared as much about her sleeping as I did with DS.  I feel like I missed out on just enjoying him because I was so stressed out about making sure he napped enough and learned to STTN.  

With DD, I haven't worried about it at all.  Partly because she is so good, she naps well and has been STTN for a long time without having to sleep train, but I think that even if she didn't, I wouldn't have cared as much.  She still seems like such a baby to me, but at this age, I didn't necessarily see DS the same way.  I feel like they are just growing up so fast, and I am trying to enjoy her baby days!

So, I wish I hadn't stressed so much over the sleeping issues and just enjoyed my DS more as a baby.  Oh well! 

TTC#1 = Success on Cycle#19 with Clomid/trigger/b2b IUIs; beta#1 (15dpiui) 200, #2 (18dpiui) 433, #3 (22dpiui) 2356; TTC#2 = Surprise BFP 9/2009; TTC#3 = m/c at 6 wks, 10/29/11; BFP#2 4/1/2012... Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Moms of Toddlers - if you got to do the beginning over again

  • I wish I would have held Lucas more while he slept.  I was so worried that he'd only be able to sleep in my arms that I didn't take enough opportunities to actually ever let him sleep in my arms.   
  • I was a total stress case over the napping/sleeping thing as well.  i was so focused on making sure he had enough naps, going to bed on time etc.  I ultimately think my hard work helped in making him good sleeper today, but i just really stressed about it WAY too much!!!
    Severe MFI resulting in IVF/ICSI #1 in Nov 2007. BFP!!
    Our beautiful son was born July 2008.
    2010: 2 IVF's,1 FET = 2 BFN's, 1 c/p :(
    Feb 2011-Unmedicated FET= BFP!! DS #2 born Oct 2011!!.



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  • love this post and can't wait to read it!!  (and funny, I've just recently made the decision that I'm not going to try so hard to get him to fall asleep on his own...I'm really starting to love our quiet snuggle time and I know that it is only going to last for so long!)
  • imageMouseygail:
    love this post and can't wait to read it!!  (and funny, I've just recently made the decision that I'm not going to try so hard to get him to fall asleep on his own...I'm really starting to love our quiet snuggle time and I know that it is only going to last for so long!)

    This makes me so happy to see. Despite the fact that K is a wiggler at bedtime, I love, love, love that time together.

    Honestly, I wish I could get the first few months of K's life back. I was unable to care for her because of my severe PPD and really didn't become an active caretaker for her until she was out of the newborn stage. I'd give anything to redo those months.

  • I would make more of an effort at breastfeeding.  I did it for about 6 weeks and hated it so I EP'd for the next 5 months and then just went to formula.  I just hated how upset it made me and I hated being worried about how much she was eating but now I feel like I missed out on that bonding opportunity and I feel guilty.
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  • I also wish I hadn't worried so much about his solid foods - I tried so hard to give him veggies first, so he wouldn't get used to the fruits and never eat veggies.  It worked...until he hit about 15 months.  Now he is so picky, and I am so happy if he eats anything at all Smile  The order that I introduced foods had nothing to do with that!  
    TTC#1 = Success on Cycle#19 with Clomid/trigger/b2b IUIs; beta#1 (15dpiui) 200, #2 (18dpiui) 433, #3 (22dpiui) 2356; TTC#2 = Surprise BFP 9/2009; TTC#3 = m/c at 6 wks, 10/29/11; BFP#2 4/1/2012... Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm like you - I wish I hadn't stressed so much about DS sleeping in the beginning.

    DS was tiny (4lbs 11oz) at birth - I wish I would have known to demand to supplement his feedings until my milk came in. We didn't, and he got very sick. I eventually got him to exclusively bf but then he was dxed with reflux so that ended that. I EPed until he was 10 months or so. BFing was SO important to me with DD. I nursed her until she was 13 months.

    I wish I would have just held DS more, cuddled him, slept with him and drunk in the newborn phase. I wish I would have just held him while I watched TV, worked on the computer, etc. Heck, I even wish I had known how easy it is to take an infant to a movie - I totally would have done that with him as an infant as a way to get out of the house.

    With DD I did all of those things - even down to the supplementing (she was a respectable 6lbs 2oz). She sleeps in her own bed, just as well as DS does/did. Cuddling her and enjoying her baby/newborn phase didn't harm anything at all.

    I'm so thankful I got a chance for that "do over". Now I'm hoping for another one!

  • oh god lots of things..maybe part of the reason why i want another one is to do things differently!

    when they got home from the nicu I would have held and cuddle them a lot more when they were so small.  iwas so stressed out with one being and one in the hosptial and then when dylan came home he was on a heart monitor and it was just stressful and i just didn't enjoy them when they were little.

    i wish i didnt concern myself so much with ther milestones. sure they were late on somethings early on others and now at almost 2 they are pretty much caught up. its not worthe the stress. they will get there.

    i  never really worried about sleep becase they were and still are both great sleepers that i didn't really ahve to sleep train but i did worry and  still do worry about their eating. i wish i could just let that go.

    i can't wait to do it all over again and hope i get that chance and enjoy it mroe and be more laid back

     

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  • I would LOVE the first 4 months back simply because I don't remember them! ginny's birth was so traumatic and then I was on major pain meds then the BFing fiasco then the colic... it's all a giant blur.  :(
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  • 1000 percent would not stress over his sleeping - I too fell into that trap - and then climbed out of it (see siggy quotes!) when I realized none of it mattered and he didn't have to "learn" anything (human children and adults have been STTN for millions of years, prior to any "experts" weighing in on the matter!)

    Would also be armed with A LOT more knowledge about breastfeeding than I *thought* I was - now that I've had everything imaginable go wrong (and the literal scars on my boobs to prove it) - I'd have a much better idea what to do, even with a tongue-tied baby - and I'd also re-evaluate whether EP'ing for 6 months was "worth it" in the long run if it came to that again. 

    AND - I'd be a lot less stressed about doing everything RIGHT - and not let any of the "trends" on the bump influence me. 

    Oh - and I'd pay attention to my baby's head shape - and scream and yell a lot sooner if I saw anything that didn't look right to me (experiences of a plagiocephaly mom :-/ )

    Wheee!
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    "When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame

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  • imageoct11bride03:

    Honestly, I wish I could get the first few months of K's life back. I was unable to care for her because of my severe PPD and really didn't become an active caretaker for her until she was out of the newborn stage. I'd give anything to redo those months.

    I am so sorry that you feel this way, and I completely understand because I have the same feelings. It sounds like your experience was more severe than mine though.

    Grant's early days are a blur for me, not because I was a sleep deprived new mom, but because my PPD made me a wreck. I cried and cried. I worried about how I had ruined his life, DH's life and my life. I could hardly care for myself, let alone LO.

    Life did get better, and there were things that o now look back on and chuckle. LO ADORED his vibrating bouncy seat. He slept great in it. I was afraid that he would need the vibrations to sleep and, my bigger fear--that I was scrambling his brain.

    I expected LO to get onto more of a schedule at an earlier age than was realistic. From birth to about four months, he had a routine, but the hours were flexible. I stressed about that, but, in retrospect, I was expecting too much, too soon. At four months, something clicked, and he suddenly was on a schedule.

    As far as napping in my arms. . . I tried to get LO to nap somewhere other than my arms for his first two (of three) naps, but that last, late afternoon nap was our time together. He slept so well in my arm, I loved it!

    Thoughts like this are bitter sweet for me. LO will be my only, so I won't get to personally apply what I have learned. But, that's okay. I'll share what I can in posts like this!
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  • imageroaringrock:
    I would LOVE the first 4 months back simply because I don't remember them! ginny's birth was so traumatic and then I was on major pain meds then the BFing fiasco then the colic... it's all a giant blur.  :(
    Hugs to you, mama! Different experiences, but I totally understand.

    I LOVE your new sig pic! How precious is your sweet girl!!!!!
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  • imagelaura1:

    What would you not stress as much over?  I was thinking about this lately, because with DD, I haven't cared as much about her sleeping as I did with DS.  I feel like I missed out on just enjoying him because I was so stressed out about making sure he napped enough and learned to STTN.  

    With DD, I haven't worried about it at all.  Partly because she is so good, she naps well and has been STTN for a long time without having to sleep train, but I think that even if she didn't, I wouldn't have cared as much.  She still seems like such a baby to me, but at this age, I didn't necessarily see DS the same way.  I feel like they are just growing up so fast, and I am trying to enjoy her baby days!

    So, I wish I hadn't stressed so much over the sleeping issues and just enjoyed my DS more as a baby.  Oh well! 

    As someone with a baby who suddenly won't nap I have to say that I think you have forgotten what it's like to spend the day with a 6 month old who hasn't slept.

    TTC since September '08 After 2 m/c - lap for stage 3-4 endo Oct '09 Bravelle w/Ovidrel trigger - iui on 11/07 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageDochas:
    imagelaura1:

    What would you not stress as much over?  I was thinking about this lately, because with DD, I haven't cared as much about her sleeping as I did with DS.  I feel like I missed out on just enjoying him because I was so stressed out about making sure he napped enough and learned to STTN.  

    With DD, I haven't worried about it at all.  Partly because she is so good, she naps well and has been STTN for a long time without having to sleep train, but I think that even if she didn't, I wouldn't have cared as much.  She still seems like such a baby to me, but at this age, I didn't necessarily see DS the same way.  I feel like they are just growing up so fast, and I am trying to enjoy her baby days!

    So, I wish I hadn't stressed so much over the sleeping issues and just enjoyed my DS more as a baby.  Oh well! 

    As someone with a baby who suddenly won't nap I have to say that I think you have forgotten what it's like to spend the day with a 6 month old who hasn't slept.

      HA!!  (((HUGS)))
  • This is silly, but I would co-sleep at least part of the time.  I was so concerned about the safety of it and we never let her sleep in our bed.  We actually made our bed a play area where we always rough house with Gwen.  I wish she would just come in our bed and snuggle sometimes.  If I am lucky enough to have another baby, I am going to hold him or her much more often and let them sleep in our bed sometimes.

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  • imageMouseygail:
    imageDochas:
    imagelaura1:

    What would you not stress as much over?  I was thinking about this lately, because with DD, I haven't cared as much about her sleeping as I did with DS.  I feel like I missed out on just enjoying him because I was so stressed out about making sure he napped enough and learned to STTN.  

    With DD, I haven't worried about it at all.  Partly because she is so good, she naps well and has been STTN for a long time without having to sleep train, but I think that even if she didn't, I wouldn't have cared as much.  She still seems like such a baby to me, but at this age, I didn't necessarily see DS the same way.  I feel like they are just growing up so fast, and I am trying to enjoy her baby days!

    So, I wish I hadn't stressed so much over the sleeping issues and just enjoyed my DS more as a baby.  Oh well! 

    As someone with a baby who suddenly won't nap I have to say that I think you have forgotten what it's like to spend the day with a 6 month old who hasn't slept.

      HA!!  (((HUGS)))

    Seriously.  I've heard about this fog that washes over Mothers and erases all the bad things.  This post and the responses are like seeing it in action!  I opened it so I could find out some things I shouldn't stress about.  But dealing with a whiny, crying mess for 11 hours or so I'm not so much stressing over his sleep as I am wishing someone would sneak up behind me with a brick.

    TTC since September '08 After 2 m/c - lap for stage 3-4 endo Oct '09 Bravelle w/Ovidrel trigger - iui on 11/07 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageDochas:

    Seriously.  I've heard about this fog that washes over Mothers and erases all the bad things.  This post and the responses are like seeing it in action!  I opened it so I could find out some things I shouldn't stress about.  But dealing with a whiny, crying mess for 11 hours or so I'm not so much stressing over his sleep as I am wishing someone would sneak up behind me with a brick.

      Do you think he's teething again?  poor little guy!  (and poor you!  have a lovely glass of wine or a beer tonight...i had a beer last night and suddenly I didn't care that DH was trying to talk to me about bills as I was madly trying to finish this damn baby blog book!)
  • lol.  No, I don't think so, at least I don't feel anything.  He's sleeping better at night so I think he's just not ever going to sleep more than 10 hours in a 24 hour period.  It's great that he's only getting up once now but it doesn't really even help when this is what the day is like.  I was hoping to start working out again because I desperately need physical activity.  I'm having a girl's night out on Saturday and oh, there will be wine.  And whine!
    TTC since September '08 After 2 m/c - lap for stage 3-4 endo Oct '09 Bravelle w/Ovidrel trigger - iui on 11/07 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageDochas:
    imagelaura1:

    What would you not stress as much over?  I was thinking about this lately, because with DD, I haven't cared as much about her sleeping as I did with DS.  I feel like I missed out on just enjoying him because I was so stressed out about making sure he napped enough and learned to STTN.  

    With DD, I haven't worried about it at all.  Partly because she is so good, she naps well and has been STTN for a long time without having to sleep train, but I think that even if she didn't, I wouldn't have cared as much.  She still seems like such a baby to me, but at this age, I didn't necessarily see DS the same way.  I feel like they are just growing up so fast, and I am trying to enjoy her baby days!

    So, I wish I hadn't stressed so much over the sleeping issues and just enjoyed my DS more as a baby.  Oh well! 

    As someone with a baby who suddenly won't nap I have to say that I think you have forgotten what it's like to spend the day with a 6 month old who hasn't slept.

    Oh I do remember!  DD will get like that some days, and we will remember that DS was like that all the time!  But I think what I meant was that we would have not worried about it so much, just did what he needed to in order to sleep.  I was so stubborn about trying to get him to sleep "the right way" - no swaddle when he was close to rolling over, in his crib not in the car or stroller, etc.  I wish I would have just let him be a little longer, done what it took to get him to sleep, and enjoyed him more, rather than dedicating weeks of my life from age 3 months to 6 months trying to get him to sleep.  I barely remember anything else about my DS at that age except the sleep issues!

    TTC#1 = Success on Cycle#19 with Clomid/trigger/b2b IUIs; beta#1 (15dpiui) 200, #2 (18dpiui) 433, #3 (22dpiui) 2356; TTC#2 = Surprise BFP 9/2009; TTC#3 = m/c at 6 wks, 10/29/11; BFP#2 4/1/2012... Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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