Can you "make" your DC take a nap?

AnneUCSB

My mom just stopped by to drop something off at my house and I told her that I was taking DS2 to the doctor to get his ears checked because he was up multiple times last night with a 102 fever and complaining of ear pain.  Fast forward to this morning, he is acting fine, no more fever.  Even still, I am taking him in.  

My mom very nicely said that she would pick up my DS1 from kindergarten today and keep him for the afternoon so we could all take a nap (I am also sick with laryngitis and a nagging sore throat and cough and DS3 is recovering his ear infection from last week).  Anyway, I said, "Yeah right, like Kyle is going actually take a nap."  He gave up naps about 6 months ago.  My mom said, "Well, you MAKE him take a nap."  I said, "Uh, here's how it will go:  I will put him in his room and tell him he needs to rest.  He will cry that he doesn't want to take a nap.  I will tell him he doesn't have to sleep, he just needs to stay in his room for quiet time.  He will cry and cry.  If I give him time out for crying, he will cry about his time out for crying.  The whole thing is not worth a battle and I certainly will not get a nap in while I am trying to MAKE him nap."  She then tells me, "He needs to know you are the boss.  You MAKE him nap.  You just do.  You need to crunch on him."  So now I think she's judging my parenting and that p!ssed me off.

Maybe I am just tired and cranky from being sick, but do you think you can MAKE a 4 year old nap?  Do you even fight the battle anymore?  Sometimes I do think (err, I know) I give in too much since I am juggling three kids, but this doesn't seem like a battle worth fighting.  Thoughts? 

Zenya

AnneUCSB:

"Uh, here's how it will go:  I will put him in his room and tell him he needs to rest.  He will cry that he doesn't want to take a nap.  I will tell him he doesn't have to sleep, he just needs to stay in his room for quiet time.  He will cry and cry.  If I give him time out for crying, he will cry about his time out for crying.  The whole thing is not worth a battle and I certainly will not get a nap in while I am trying to MAKE him nap."  She then tells me, "He needs to know you are the boss.  You MAKE him nap.  You just do.  You need to crunch on him."  

OK even what you wrote is on the ridiculous side (sorry).  A time out for crying about not being tired?  At the age of 4?  I think you learned that from your mom .  I wouldn't let her watch him with that attitude!  How bizarre. 

DandelionMom

I can't.  But when they're extra tired I get them all comfy on the couch and put a sleepy type tv show on (Mr Rogers is perfect) and they'll usually zonk out. 

jessicaclare

I don't make my older DD take a nap, but rest time is mandatory. I let her read books and she usually does fall asleep in her bed. However, no matter how sassy she is, she's a fairly agreeable kid. I'm not saying its never a battle, but even then it isn't too difficult.

That said, I think you pick your battles. If its going to be THAT big of a deal, I wouldn't try to force it. At his age, its perfectly normal to give up naps. I agree that you have to be firm with your kids, but with three kids, being firm about every.single.issue is just going to be exhausting for everyone.

lsufan

Uhh, no.  Occasionally, I can't even get my 1 year old to take a nap.  And when it comes down to it, it's usually because he's not really that tired.  My oldest stopped naps altogether a few months before he turned 4.  He would fall asleep if I left him in his room, but then he'd be awake all night.  If a 4 year old is resisting a nap, he probably doesn't need it, and you're totally right that it's not worth the battle.

shopgirl78

No, not at all.  It's a big battle that I fill like I fight for an hour or two only for him to go down on his on around 4-5pm which has its own suckiness....late bedtime. 

I also get them cozy (usually in my bed) with a TV show or movie...its does its own magic... 

eclaires

haha!  no.

But I can enforce quiet/rest time.  He can either play in his bed quietly (read or play with small toys) or he can watch a movie in the play room.

AnneUCSB

Zenya:

AnneUCSB:

"Uh, here's how it will go:  I will put him in his room and tell him he needs to rest.  He will cry that he doesn't want to take a nap.  I will tell him he doesn't have to sleep, he just needs to stay in his room for quiet time.  He will cry and cry.  If I give him time out for crying, he will cry about his time out for crying.  The whole thing is not worth a battle and I certainly will not get a nap in while I am trying to MAKE him nap."  She then tells me, "He needs to know you are the boss.  You MAKE him nap.  You just do.  You need to crunch on him."  

OK even what you wrote is on the ridiculous side (sorry).  A time out for crying about not being tired?  At the age of 4?  I think you learned that from your mom .  I wouldn't let her watch him with that attitude!  How bizarre. 

Yes, Zenya.  Agreed.  Bizarre.  I wouldn't give him a time out for crying.  I was anticipating that when I said, "He will cry if I put him in his room for a nap" that she would immediately say, "Well then you tell him if he doesn't stop crying, you give him a time out and tell him he needs to stop."  This, IMO, is ridiculous.  My mom is the queen of picking the battles at any opportunity to prove YOU are the authority figure.  That's totally not my style.  So, she thinks my kids get away with way too much.  It's frustrating to deal with her sometimes. 

mattswife91805

DD gave up naps awhile ago, but she does have rest time, where she lays in bed and looks at books. I would say about 30% of the time she falls asleep. Now if she isn't feeling good, she asks to take rest time and falls right asleep.

EMT

When DS was really sick recently, he refused anything to eat or drink (I mean EVERYTHING). DH kept saying sort of accusatorily "he REALLY needs to eat." No shiiit sherlock, but you can't force a kid to eat.

Same applies to naps IMO.

Zenya

man that must have been tough to grow up with!

xbrooklyngrl

B gave up naps around 2 and no I'd say you can't "make" them. Nor would I ever want to try. For me though, she never "needed" the nap. She didn't get cranky or any of that so it was a non-issue for me.

*Amy*

It is not worth the fight IMO.  I found a great solution for not taking naps (b/c I feel both the boys could still use a nap b/c you can tell they are tired in the afternoon).  Early bedtime.  Most nights lately they are asleep by 6:45 without a fight.  Works for me. 

AnneUCSB

Zenya:

man that must have been tough to grow up with!

We all need a reason to go to therapy, right

Temp970088312507122

My DD1 has to have quiet time in her room everyday, and I still call it naptime. She falls asleep about 80% of the time. Even if she doesn't nap, she has to stay up there and play quietly. I've just built it into her routine so she knows to expect it. Sometimes she'll get upset about it, but even then, it's not a huge ordeal.

j-w

I absolutely do NOT think that you can 'make' your DC take a nap, no.  But, I do think that it is entirely acceptable to enforce a quiet time.  And, at 4 years old, I think that is a really fair request. 

shouldbworkin

No, I can't make my kids take naps.  On days when they're tired and need some rest, I usually let them sit in my bed with me and watch one of their shows.  They get a little downtime and I can doze a bit.  We've also had good luck with quiet time where I read them books.  Gives them some downtime, but they are definitely not going to sleep!

UGAbride

I do enforce quiet time, regardless of if they nap or not.  Actually, my almost-4-year old naps better than my 2 year old (as in, he would still take a solid nap for me every day if the 2 year old didn't make such a racket when he doesn't fall asleep).  If they don't sleep, they have to stay in their rooms for an hour and play quietly, but I'm thankful that they do usually nap 3-4 times/week.  If they don't nap, they are in bed by 7:30 (otherwise, bedtime is 8 or 8:30).

GingerSB

I don't think you can force a kids to nap, but my question is, why would you want to? When my DD has a 20 minute nap, she's up until 10pm. No thanks!

Andrewsgal

GingerSB:

I don't think you can force a kids to nap, but my question is, why would you want to? When my DD has a 20 minute nap, she's up until 10pm. No thanks!

Uh us too, i would rather her not take a nap, then she will actually go to bed by 7:30 a nap means we will all be up till midnight. 

Ciarrai

Growing up, my pedi told my mom there are three things you cannot force a child to do.  You cannot make them eat.  You cannot make them sleep and you cannot make them go the bathroom in the potty.  You can make all the conditions right.  You can bribe.  You can threaten.  You can do anything you want, but at the end of the day you cannot force them to do these three things.  I think yes, you can make all the conditions right for a nap.  You can put your DS in his room and let him scream (if that's your thing and it works) or you can put him on the couch tucked in with a movie.  It's the same with eating.  You can offer them their favorite dinner or even treat of ice cream or popsicle, but if they don't want to eat, you can't make them.

summerbrideDC

Ugh.  I hate the "you're the boss" crap our parents' generation relied on in order to make their lives as kid-free as possible. LOL My mom started telling me at 4 months that I was spoiling Ethan b/c I held him "too much."  She said, "I used to just put you in your play pen and go about my day.  What? I came to you if you cried."   Okay.  And yeah, I guess I knew who was boss, but at what cost? 

It's so hard to have a parent judge your parenting--and I know I've got it easy since my mom is 3000 miles away.  But it sucks.  The other day on the phone, I was frustrated w/ Ethan asking me a ton of questions while I was trying to talk to my mom and I said to Ethan, "Because I said so!" which is one of my own biggest pet peeves and I try to never say it.  My mom said, "Oh, thank goodness you're showing him that you're the boss!"  Ugh.

I'm sorry, Anne. And no, I can't make Ethan take a nap at 4 years old.  That's crazy talk.  

AnnapolisLari

GingerSB:

I don't think you can force a kids to nap, but my question is, why would you want to? When my DD has a 20 minute nap, she's up until 10pm. No thanks!

Amen. If DS takes a nap these days, he's up until at least 9:30 if not later.