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July 2011 Moms
plus-size pregnancy blues...
I've been down...like really, really down the past 2 weeks or so. I am also the only person to blame for my "down-ness". I am really overweight...like 100+ pounds overweight. I have always been big...I was "put" on a diet by my grandma at 9 years old and pretty much since that day I have been "watching" my weight (go up and down...). At 16 my great-grandmother asked me if I was pregnant because of my belly. So, needless to say - it's my own damn fault that I'm fat. I have tried so hard to lose weight. I once lost 75 pounds but gained it all back in a matter of 6 months or so. I haven't gained/lost any significant weight (maybe 15 pounds +/-) in the past 10 years. I maintain well. I am also well preportioned and people are always astonished when they learn my actual weight.
Again, I know it's my own fault that I'm fat. It's really getting to me now that I'm pregnant because I won't be able to enjoy/experience pregnancy the way that a "normal" woman might. I have been told it will always be difficult to hear the heartbeat. I have been told that I probably won't "show" until i'm much further along than others. And I know that I'm just going to look like a giant flub all of the time. No cute maternity clothes for me. No basketball belly. I'll just look fat. My OBGYN doesn't seem to be so concerned because i'm very "healthy" (by that I mean I have perfect cholesterol/blood sugar/blood pressure, etc.). I know the MOST important thing is that the baby is healthy and growing as it should.
I apologize for being so vain. I just needed to vent I suppose. Thanks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: plus-size pregnancy blues...
Cheer up sweetie. That's all got to be hard. Any time we have an experience that's shared among so much of womankind, it's easy to get caught up in comparing. And I think it's hard not to mourn not having the "traditional" things everyone else has, like a basketball belly.
But you still get to experience YOUR pregnancy, and it will be special and fun and important for you, no matter how different it is! ((Hugs))
I've already made a promise to myself and my LO that I'll get in better shape as soon as I can. Obviouly I can't do too too much right now. I'm eating healthier that's for sure...but as far as losing weight - that will have to wait.
Thanks for the encouragement. It's a tough place to be...
It actually really might not be your fault you're overweight. Have doctors looked into possible conditions? There are a lot of things that can make you keep weight on despite all efforts, such as a thyroid condition, hormones, among others. Or it may simply be genetics. My sister is 100+ overweight, and has always been overweight her whole life. Like you, she's healthy by any other standard (BP, cholesterol). The only thing the doctors are worried about with her is her back. So as far as that goes, please don't blame yourself or be hard on yourself about it. As long as you are "healthy", screw anyone else. It's really frustrating to me that society as a whole doesn't understand that there are many factors contributing to weight, and some are completely out of your control (medical reasons).
Just remember that you are beautiful in your own way. I agree with PP that in a community such as this where we're surrounded by many women, it's hard to not compare ourselves. And enjoy your pregnancy as your own individual experience.
I am also overweight (about 75 lbs over), although I've been really thin up until about 5 yrs ago. And I feel the same way about not having the "basketball" belly like everyone else, or being cute in pregnancy clothes. All we can do at this point is embrace it, accept it, and make sure baby is healthy (which it sounds like you are).
Keep your chin up:) Remember that things can always be worse. Your stats could be not where they should be. Also, depression is not that uncommon during pregnancy. Feeling down for 2 weeks or more is the first question they ask for that. Don't be afraid to mention it to your doctor. They may prescribe something for you, and you'll feel much better
I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm also close to 100 lbs overweight but generally very "healthy" (normal blood pressure, blood sugar, etc). However, I haven't ever been able to really lose much weight no matter how much I try because of PCOS. I can lose weight on birth control or on metformin, but otherwise, I'll restrict calories and exercise all I want, and see no results. It's incredibly frustrating. Since I didn't know that I had that problem for so many years, I spent a lot of time getting frustrated and feeling like I was never working hard enough to lose weight.
For what it's worth, the nurse had no problem finding my baby's heartbeat at my last appointment. She found it immediately. And I'm so short that I'm already starting to show a little bit, at least to those who know me well. The rest of the world probably just thinks I'm getting fatter.
I am sad about some other things. I'm sad that I'll probably always be too embarrassed to post bump pics online. Everyone looks so tiny, and even the "plus-size" people are more like a size 12 or 14, not a 20 like me. And I'm terribly afraid of being judged for wanting to have a baby at my weight (I did lose around 20 lbs before getting pregnant, but gained some back from fertility drugs and letting myself go after my miscarriage in August).
I don't think it's vain to want that perfect basketball baby bump. I get it. I want it too, and I probably won't get it either. I want people to know I'm pregnant by looking at me, instead of thinking that I'm even more fat than usual! But I also know that those feelings will fade as long as I end up with a healthy baby in July. After all, then everyone will just look at how cute the baby is and nobody will notice what I look like at all anymore!
Good luck to you!
you said it perfectly, sometimes i can't believe that women have babies every day. it seems like too much of a miracle to happen so often. i just can't believe this little person is growing inside me...me! our bodies are truly amazing!
Thanks again ladies. My doctors always thought that I might have PCOS. When I was in high school they saw that some of my hormone levels were off. In November they did the same blood work and everything came back looking good. No more concerns about PCOS. I also found out from that bloodwork that I was prego. Maybe that's why my bloodwork looked better?
I appreciate the thoughts and kind, encouraging words. Thank you.
I feel you. It's actually nice to see that I'm not the only one around here that isn't tiny and sporting an adorable baby bump! Thanks for posting. I was kinda starting to feel alone. (No offense to you super adorable girls, of course).
I've been bigger basically since hitting puberty. I now suspect my thyroid has been an issue for awhile, but my doctors never diagnosed it until May 2010. At that point, I was 100 lbs overweight as well, and had been told by my former OBGYN, "unless you lose 100 lbs, you'll never get pregnant." (part of the reason she's my FORMER OB, easier said than done, lady.) Lo and behold, 4 months later, guess who was KTFU?
I feel a lot of the same way you do. Sometimes I'm jealous of seeing girls with the basketball belly. I'm also a size 20/22, and Old Navy has been the easiest place for me to find cute maternity clothes. Jeans have really been my only problem. I've also had good luck shopping at places like Ross, in their plus-size section, and just buying up a size or two, depending on the clothing. This works especially well for shirts and dresses.
Again, thanks for posting, and just know that you're not alone!
I feel you. I've been overweight since just after I hit puberty, and I've just gotten bigger. I, too, am well proportioned, which helps hide the weight, but unfortunately I keep most of it on my belly. So I probably won't have the cute basketball belly either. I thought of that as soon as we decided to TTC. I also worry that they won't be able to get good ultrasounds and doppler readings.
So, long story short, you're not alone. We just need to remember that as long as the baby is healthy, that's what really matters. *hugs*
Pregnancy IS why your bloodwork looked better. I have PCOS and my OB told me that pregnancy basically makes PCOS go away and normalizes your hormones (well, normal for pregnancy). Some time after the pregnancy, your hormone levels will return to their normal state. For me, the hormone high from my last pregnancy is what helped me get pregnant with this one, since last time we needed IVF because I'm generally anovulatory.
About a year postpartum, have them check your blood again. If your LH is higher than your FSH and/or you have high levels of androgens for a woman, you probably have PCOS - so congrats on the pregnancy! Lucky girl!
Also, I'm going to say it's not "entirely your fault" you're big. It sounds like you were subjected to unhealthy attitudes toward food at a young age (a diet at 9 seems inappropriate). Once you're done being pregnant, talk to your doctor about Metformin. It's a HUGE help for weight loss, especially since PCOS will make you insulin resistant, especially with a few extra pounds on.
This. You would never be able to guess how much I weigh by just looking at me.
I've always been overweight, and I think a lot of it has to do with both my PCOS and genetics. Both of my parents are morbidly obese. But like you OP, I've always been very healthy. I can diet and exercise all day, all month, or all year long and it never makes a difference. I am committed to eating healthy and staying active, there's no reason to change those things now that I'm KU.
I guess I take solace in the fact that my body is healthy, my DH is turned by it, and it's capable of growing a human life. Also, I know I carry my weight well, and maintain so I have no problems indulging once or twice a week. I don't feel guilty about it either.
It does suck not having that super cute bump that everyone else has, but I like to think that I can fake it a little. Once my jeans stopped fitting I bought a pair of motherhood ones with the full panel. I always make sure to wear my underwear really low so it doesn't cut across my belly. And I try to wear empire waist shirts, and sweaters. All those things together make the fat look more like a bump. Oh, and stay away from the tight shirts. I know they make skinny girls bumps pop out, but they just make me look fatter.
HTH
I too am so sorry to hear you're feeling down about this issue. Try to embrace the great, healthy pregnancy you are having- everyone's is different and although it may seem that smaller girls are having a great time with their "baby bumps", hearing the heartbeat, etc. everyone is dealing with their own insecurities and issues. You are healthy and pregnant and that's what matters. If you are feeling so down that you're not able to shake this feeling absolutely talk to your Doctor about depression- I struggle with OCD and it's absolutely changed (sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse) with pregnancy. All of these hormones make things different.
Know that we're all here to support you and you're not alone. Try not to focus on the weight right now- that is something you can deal with after the baby arrives. Now just focus on making both you and baby happy.
Hugs, sweetie. Being overweight is hard, and when pregnant it can be harder. I'm about 40-50lbs overweight, through no fault but my own. I was self-concious before and I thought with pregnancy, that would go away because I'd be able to embrace the changes of my body growing bigger. For the most part, I have loved every minute of it.
But there are times it's hard and I get brought down. I've stayed away from the HDBD posts on here, I probably won't post a picture of my bump. I stay away from the "I'm not showing and I'm x-weeks along..." I've been showing since before Christmas. I found that looking at pictures of girls that are naturally skinnier than I am just makes me feel like less of a person and more "Oh the fat girl got pregnant!" And with my emotions ranging from happy to sad to happy again in a matter of seconds, I don't need to feel that way.
One of the things I started to do for myself is to take prenatal yoga... most of the girls are skinnier than I am with their basketball bellies, but I relish in the fact that I may be overweight and pregnant and look like I'm further along than I am, but I'm more flexible and can actually do the poses without instructor intervention every time.
It's one thing that I've been able to find that makes me feel good about where I am weight-wise and pregnancy-wise.
We have a long road (well, almost we're almost half way there) so maybe, to make yourself feel better, why don't you go out and find a couple of cute maternity tops. Who cares if you're not exactly showing... it should make you feel better, feel more like you're a part of what your body is going through. Find one thing a day that can help you affirm that all of this happening to you is beautiful, no matter what your weight is.
And something else you can do is start to plan for what you'll do with yourself after baby. I've already started my plan that at the very minimum I'll start Weight Watchers about 6wks after baby's birth, and slowly ease back into exercising. And I'll probably continue to do yoga.
And like a PP stated "ain't no body getting any smaller on this board!"
I haven't read all of the previous posts, but just wanted to say that you are a miracle. I've struggled with trying to lose weight since I was a teen. After having my son, I don't feel the need to have the perfect body any longer. I just want to be healthy and celebrate the fact that I made a child. Sometime I look at him while he's running around saying "ready, set, go" or flipping pages through a book and think about the miracle that he is and my part in that.
YOU are a miracle, your body and what it is doing right now is a miracle. Embrace that and let go of the fact that you're overweight. The weight may go, it may stay, but you'll always have that miracle that your'e working on right now.
And, no need to apologize. If you are truly unable to let go of this (because that's easy to do, right?), find someone to talk to. Someone who can remind you over and over again that our bodies are amazing and that you are amazing.
I couldn't agree more.
Also, do have your levels re-checked after PG. Metformin has been wonderful for me...I dropped 25 pounds without changing eating/exercise habits (rather, I just kept doing the same thing I was before) in 5 months. I ate (for the most part) healthy, and exercised moderately, but the Met let my body use the fuel more efficiently.
I, too, fear that as the PG progresses, I'll just look fatter rather than PG, but the maternity tops DO help to create a more basketball shape. Very cool.
BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
I'm in the same boat with you. I have tried to not let it bother me too much though. And honestly, my doctor told me on Monday that I should not gain a single pound throughout my pregnancy. My first thought was my god you are insane, how do I go through 6 more months and not gain a pound? Then he said if I didn't gain any weight, my baby would be perfectly healthy and I could be 30lbs lighter after giving birth. How awesome would it be to be 30lbs lighter and so many other women will struggle to lose what they gained? So that is now my goal, to watch what I eat, try to do some yoga, swimming and walking and see if I can't have the best weight loss program of my life! Good luck to you, I hope that you are able to pull out of your funk and enjoy your pregnancy. You are not alone and you most definitely have my support and thoughts throughout your journey!
hugs!
Sorry, but it's kind of crazy to not expect you to gain weight during pregnancy! The general medical recommendation for overweight/obese women is to not gain more than about 25lbs. That is, maintaining prepregancy weight, plus the weight of baby, amniotic fluid, placenta, increased blood volume, etc. And while the extra nutritional needs during pregnancy may not be as much as some women would like
we actually do need a couple hundred extra calories per day because growing a baby means our bodies consume some extra energy!
Maintaining your prepregnancy weight during pregnancy means that you will actually be LOSING weight. If my doctor told me to lose weight while pregnant, I'd find a new doctor ASAP. My doctor just wants me to keep it to around a 20-25lb gain. So far, I'm on track with having gained around 4-5lbs.
As so many other ladies have already said, I am in a similar place, too being 50-60 lbs overweight. I have to admit that most of my reactions have been the same...but I have started to see a bump, and kinda early...but I initially just kept telling people it was just me, not the baby as I have always carried weight in my mid-section. Last night my fantastic, wonderful, loving DH said that he is really seeing/feeling a change in the bump (which I feel a lot of times I have had for years) in that it is starting to get more firm and that the baby likes the place I have made for him/her. Hearing that from him makes me feel better, even if I wonder if others just think I keep gaining! Maybe that is why I also really wanted to tell everyone that I was pregnant so that those I see on a regular basis would not just think I was fat...I don't know. And on a side-note, my OB/GYN recomended that I only gain 10-15 lbs because of my pre-pregnancy weight and until the last 2 weeks, I had not been gaining anything...so the important thing to remember is to just watch and try to be as healthy with my choices as possible.
Hang in there, sweetie....and it is good to know that WE are not alone!
GIIRRRRL! LET ME TELL YOU! I am morbidly obese and 14w6days pregnant. I was so bummed at first that I wasn't going to have that cute little bump. I sobbed and sobbed. But now I am totally cool with it because less people want to touch you unless they are really close friends or family. I haven't had to buy any new cloths, i only bought them because I wanted to. Motherhood Maternity has some cute plus size clothes. ALSO buy a size bigger if you shop at Lane Bryant or Avenue.Oh and Old Navy has a new plus size maternity section online.
I know that it is very disheartening, but YOU HAVE TO STAY POSITIVE FOR BABY!!! Crazy suggestion I know bc our hormones are going ballistic right now, but you have to. Its not an option. Do not let what you perceive what you think other people think you should look or feel like (hope that made sense) effect your pregnancy. Go get a pedicure or your hair done. Spend sometime making yourself feel better. I like to go walk around my mom and step dads lake and orange groves. That always puts a smile on my face. Don't dwell on what could or should have been. It's all relative and subjective and plain pointless at this point. Be thankful that you aren't having any health issues like so many of us who have GD and PE or miscarriages.
GO GET EM'! You can only make yourself feel how you want to feel. Don't let these thoughts or emotions take this wonderful miracle/gift/awesomeness away. Believe me, a fellow plusy, it sucks but it is what it is!