Sometimes I wonder why I am friends with some people...

tim+erin

We were at a birthday party this weekend.  One of my "friends", a SAHM mom asked me when DH and I were going to start on #3, I said soon.  She then says, good, maybe DH will get a big raise and you can stay at home.  My response, even if we could afford for me to stay at home, I would still work.  I enjoy my job, have worked very hard to get where I am and don't really want to stay at home.  Her response, "well, the only reason you want a 3rd is because you are not home with them all the time."  My response....I picked up my kid and walked away.  What I wanted to say was F*^* you, but didn't want to ruin other friends party.

DH and I have talked about having 3 kids since before we were married.  Stay at home or not, we would have 3 kids.  So, I guess in her mind, I didn't breastfeed my kids for 15 months and I work.  I must be the worst mom in the world.  Oh, but when it was time to leave, whose kids nicely sat down so we could get coats and shoes on...mine.  Whose kid threw a screaming fit...hers.  Guess I am doing something right.

 

crazynervous

no yours sat down because they aren't used to you... totally joking there.  That was awful  of her to talk to you that way.  all us SAHM aren't douchebags luckily. 

littlemermaid

Maybe your friend wasn't trying to be an idiot but just trying to say that if you stayed home you and her could spend more time together(playdates..etc).    I don't see in her statement where she was criticizing you for working.

Yodajo

littlemermaid:

Maybe your friend wasn't trying to be an idiot but just trying to say that if you stayed home you and her could spend more time together(playdates..etc).    I don't see in her statement where she was criticizing you for working.

Really??!  That sentence was oozing of judginess and was totally rude.  Where in that statement do you get, "I want to spend more time with you"? 

Your analysis of what she said is really odd. 

Printergirl

That statement was as condesending as it gets. To say the only reason she wants more kids is because she's not with the ones she has?  Heartless and ignorant at the same time.

 Good for you for walking away. I'd distance myself for a while and if she questions it tell her that her comment wasn't appreciated. She obviously has issues with you working. I have WM friends and SAHM friends. If either of that group said something that ignorant about a mom in the other group we'd be having a come to Jesus talk.

 

 

kjr

Yodajo:

littlemermaid:

Maybe your friend wasn't trying to be an idiot but just trying to say that if you stayed home you and her could spend more time together(playdates..etc).    I don't see in her statement where she was criticizing you for working.

Really??!  That sentence was oozing of judginess and was totally rude.  Where in that statement do you get, "I want to spend more time with you"? 

Your analysis of what she said is really odd. 

This exactly.

august06mom

littlemermaid:

Maybe your friend wasn't trying to be an idiot but just trying to say that if you stayed home you and her could spend more time together(playdates..etc).    I don't see in her statement where she was criticizing you for working.

Where the hell do you see that?

littlemermaid

Yodajo:

littlemermaid:

Maybe your friend wasn't trying to be an idiot but just trying to say that if you stayed home you and her could spend more time together(playdates..etc).    I don't see in her statement where she was criticizing you for working.

Really??!  That sentence was oozing of judginess and was totally rude.  Where in that statement do you get, "I want to spend more time with you"? 

Your analysis of what she said is really odd. 

Why are you taking what she said so personally.  If you are happy in your choice to work than that is all that matters.  All you had to say was that you are happy working, it's fulfilling to you and it doesn't matter how many children you have.  You make yourself sound like you are insecure in your decision when you stomp off wanted to tell her to F*ck off.

MotherBucker

littlemermaid:

Yodajo:

littlemermaid:

Maybe your friend wasn't trying to be an idiot but just trying to say that if you stayed home you and her could spend more time together(playdates..etc).    I don't see in her statement where she was criticizing you for working.

Really??!  That sentence was oozing of judginess and was totally rude.  Where in that statement do you get, "I want to spend more time with you"? 

Your analysis of what she said is really odd. 

 

 

Why are you taking what she said so personally.  If you are happy in your choice to work than that is all that matters.  All you had to say was that you are happy working, it's fulfilling to you and it doesn't matter how many children you have.  You make yourself sound like you are insecure in your decision when you stomp off wanted to tell her to F*ck off.

 

Well, I kinda want to tell you to fvck off.

Her firend was totally judgemental in her statement. I would have had to walk off too.

Yodajo

littlemermaid:

Yodajo:

littlemermaid:

Maybe your friend wasn't trying to be an idiot but just trying to say that if you stayed home you and her could spend more time together(playdates..etc).    I don't see in her statement where she was criticizing you for working.

Really??!  That sentence was oozing of judginess and was totally rude.  Where in that statement do you get, "I want to spend more time with you"? 

Your analysis of what she said is really odd. 

Why are you taking what she said so personally.  If you are happy in your choice to work than that is all that matters.  All you had to say was that you are happy working, it's fulfilling to you and it doesn't matter how many children you have.  You make yourself sound like you are insecure in your decision when you stomp off wanted to tell her to F*ck off.

I'm confused. Are talking to me or OP?

tim+erin

Well, I should clarify this is one of many statements she has made to me over the past years.  I am very comfortable in my decision to work.  Always have been, always will be.  I am just tired of hearing all her comments.  I don't say anything to her about staying home.  It is a personal decision and I would never judge anyone else for the decisions they make for their family.  You have to do what is best for you.  I am just tired of her making comments to me about working.  It gets old and I really don't want to hear it anymore. 

I have said things to about our decisions and that if she doesn't agree, keep it to herself.  She doesn't get it and I am tired of hearing it.  And I didn't stomp off.  I picked up my kid and walked away.  The way in which she made her comment in regards to me wanting a 3rd was totally indicating that if I stayed home, I would not want a 3rd.  But, since I work, having kids is easy.  I pay for daycare so someone else can raise my kids.  It was rude and I am tired of it.  SAHM vs a mom working outside the home is a personal decision.  Neither way is right or wrong, it is doing what works best for you and yoru family. 

littlemermaid

tim+erin:

Well, I should clarify this is one of many statements she has made to me over the past years.  I am very comfortable in my decision to work.  Always have been, always will be.  I am just tired of hearing all her comments.  I don't say anything to her about staying home.  It is a personal decision and I would never judge anyone else for the decisions they make for their family.  You have to do what is best for you.  I am just tired of her making comments to me about working.  It gets old and I really don't want to hear it anymore. 

I have said things to about our decisions and that if she doesn't agree, keep it to herself.  She doesn't get it and I am tired of hearing it.  And I didn't stomp off.  I picked up my kid and walked away.  The way in which she made her comment in regards to me wanting a 3rd was totally indicating that if I stayed home, I would not want a 3rd.  But, since I work, having kids is easy.  I pay for daycare so someone else can raise my kids.  It was rude and I am tired of it.  SAHM vs a mom working outside the home is a personal decision.  Neither way is right or wrong, it is doing what works best for you and yoru family. 

Be proud of who you are and what you do.    If she is continuously making jabs at you then maybe it is time to shelf this friendship.    Remember no one can make you feel something, that can only come from within yourself.  Maybe the real issue with your friend is that she is jealous of your lifestyle and even though she may rave about staying at home she's really not happy.  Maybe it's her you should be feeling sorry for.