Success after IF

Am I asking for it? (clicky poll about a bedroom)

So there's this bedroom right next to Ava's that is tagged for our next child(ren.)

Plain white walls, wood floors, nothing else but some junk we threw in there long ago, and Ava's crib and changing table.

Ever since I weaned Ava at 6 months to TTC again (almost 2 1/2 yrs ago, holychit) that door has remained shut. We don't open it, we don't talk about it, and I may or may not have shed a tear or two walking past it at night, wishing I could go in there and kiss the wee one in there,  goodnite.  I imagine it's kinda like the room of a child you lost, and it just stays frozen in time until someone has the ballz to change it into an exercise room or something.

While we're still not positive on our next step(s) to grow our family, obviously you know as well as I do that I will mother others.

I'm kinda tired of that room being dormant. Unused. "Forbidden."  I've asked that instead of cheesey gifts for V-Day that Davez doesn't wanna buy me anyways, that we move the junk out out of that room together, organize it a bit, and make it "baby ready". (Paint? not sure if I'm ready for that yet.)

They say if you ACT like you want something, and not just SAY it, it's more likely to come true.  I say out of sight, out of mind. lol.  Sure I can do this "remod" and then shut the door if it's too much, but WDYT?  Thx.

[Poll]
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Re: Am I asking for it? (clicky poll about a bedroom)

  • I tell brides that the surest way to have rain on your wedding day is to not have a rain plan you're happy with.  So move on (metaphorically) and do something so that you have use of the room.  Then you'll have to repaint later. :)
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  • Ugh that's tough.  If it were me I would set it up as something else because I would feel as if I'm jinxing myself if I set it up for a baby.  Although you did say one day you would mother another so sounds like it would be a good idea to set it up :)

     

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  • I say there's nothing wrong with positive thinking & taking actions toward your end goal. DD's nursery is an aqua, owl themed room..which could def be neutral, but I did add in some cutesy pink stuff (couldn't help it)! Here is the link on  the big reveal of her nursery from my blog:

    https://worldofdennifer.blogspot.com/2010/10/project-nursery-big-reveal.html

    I talk about where I got everything in the room & linked up to individual posts about the different elements of the room. Sending lots of prayers your way as always, I have complete & total faith (as you do) that you will mother others. :)

  • Can you multipurpose the room until you have your LO?
    Ella- 8/22/08, Jules and Tuck- 12/15/10
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  • We had one of those rooms that sat empty and taunted me. It was the perfect nursery, already painted yellow when we bought the house.

    After a failed cycle I went nutzo on it. Painted it chocolate brown and made it our bedroom. I just couldn't walk past that door anymore. Once the LOs arrived it became their room, we left it brown, I still love the color. 

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  • imageChristakim:
    Can you multipurpose the room until you have your LO?

    we have not used it in over 2+ years, and don't need it now. it's the baby's room.

    period.

    (KWIM?)

     

    Join us - Commit Random Acts of Kindness, and say "I did it for Cricket" Cricket's Cadence
  • imageDavezWife:

    imageChristakim:
    Can you multipurpose the room until you have your LO?

    we have not used it in over 2+ years, and don't need it now. it's the baby's room.

    period.

    (KWIM?)

     

    Gotcha

    Ella- 8/22/08, Jules and Tuck- 12/15/10
    image
  • This may seem like a flighty and I'm going to be honest/blunt too. For me, it would depend on what you guys decide to do. If you aren't going to leave treatments, then no, I wouldn't make it baby ready. For me, every time we even tried to do something like during the IF mess, it just made us fee like ***. It made me more sad, because it was just yet another reminder of how I felt I was a failure and how much we had lost. Once we decided to adopt, we slowly transformed it from the messy office it was. Even had the crib set up before our last home study visit. We didn't necessarily decorate, but got it set up with "stuff". We did buy little decor things. It wasn't until we went to our birthmothers last ultrasound, where we saw him for the first time (only a couple days before he was born!) that we started painting. It was bc it wasn't until then that we thought it could actually happen. When we brought him home, there was still only a part of room painted. :). But he did have his bedding and a lot of the room done. Getting the room ready during the adoption process was healing and our way of nesting. It was part of our pregnancy. It added to the hope as opposed to how it was during IF. IF / pregnancy.......no guuarantee and everythingnstacked against us.....no hope. Adoption......we KNEW it would happen. Not IF but when.
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  • We bought this house and there was already a nursery.  Fishy wallpaper, cutesy Noah's Ark lamp pulls, chair rails, the whole 9.  DH used it, as is, for his studio until my BFP.  So, three years or so.... I wasn't willing to turn it into a studio when it was going to be a nursery damnit.  So I know what you mean.  I think you do what you're comfortable with.  Paint, clear it out, whatever you need to do. 
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  • Lurker coming out of hiding to share our story!  When we first started TTC we got excited and cleaned out the future nursery and decided we would paint.  It sat there empty and painted for a long time.  The month of our successful cycle, but two weeks before our BFP, DH painted the word "HOPE" above the door.  He didn't tell me he was doing it and the night we got our BFP we went into the room and he showed me his work.  Every night when I rock our daughter to sleep I look up and smile at our hope.  It never hurts to put your wishes out there in the open.  I say go for it! 
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  • imageswgal:
    Lurker coming out of hiding to share our story!  When we first started TTC we got excited and cleaned out the future nursery and decided we would paint.  It sat there empty and painted for a long time.  The month of our successful cycle, but two weeks before our BFP, DH painted the word "HOPE" above the door.  He didn't tell me he was doing it and the night we got our BFP we went into the room and he showed me his work.  Every night when I rock our daughter to sleep I look up and smile at our hope.  It never hurts to put your wishes out there in the open.  I say go for it! 
    Shoot, now I'm crying! What a beautiful story. You should come out of lurking more often. I say go for it, Davez :) It makes you sad now when it's not fixed up, so I think you should do it. You will have #2 in there before you know it.
  • I wouldn't because it is jewish custom to not bring anything into the house before a baby comes home and, frankly, I like this way of doing things.  Whenever I would read that someone bought a crib or clothes or something like that before they were even pregnant, I would cringe a little.  I can't imagine what it would feel like to have all of that before there was even a baby, but, like I said, that's my personal opinion.
  • I would turn it into a different room completely.  Then by the time you finish you know you'll just have to turn around and make it a baby room :)
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • imageLBR_NJ:
    I wouldn't because it is jewish custom to not bring anything into the house before a baby comes home and, frankly, I like this way of doing things.  Whenever I would read that someone bought a crib or clothes or something like that before they were even pregnant, I would cringe a little.  I can't imagine what it would feel like to have all of that before there was even a baby, but, like I said, that's my personal opinion.

    I agree with all of this, partly because I'm Jewish (culturally/heritage-wise - not getting into the religion discussion again!), but more because of our history that it just freaks me out to buy or do anything baby related before there's a baby in the home, but I know I'm in an extreme minority on that. I just hate the idea of you prepping a nursery and (god forbid) not having a chld to occupy it for some time. At first it can be a sign of optimism and hope, but after time it can just be a very, very sore wound. I realize it already is sort of that for you, but I imagine making it even more baby ready would exacerbate it.

    *** It's funny because I'm fat ***
  • imageswgal:
    Lurker coming out of hiding to share our story!  When we first started TTC we got excited and cleaned out the future nursery and decided we would paint.  It sat there empty and painted for a long time.  The month of our successful cycle, but two weeks before our BFP, DH painted the word "HOPE" above the door.  He didn't tell me he was doing it and the night we got our BFP we went into the room and he showed me his work.  Every night when I rock our daughter to sleep I look up and smile at our hope.  It never hurts to put your wishes out there in the open.  I say go for it! 

    Ah, delurk more, that's a cute story! Funny, HOPE is a huge word with me. HUGE. and that's kinda what I'm getting at.... the room as it sits is a wound for me. I WILL mother others, that's not even open for debate, here folks. I just think that *IF* we cycle again, or adopt, or whatever,  I need to frame my mind differently. Time to stop just yapping about it,and ACT like it.

    That room is going to get a purpose in a couple weeks. Let's do this!

    (thanks gals. I appreciate you)

    Join us - Commit Random Acts of Kindness, and say "I did it for Cricket" Cricket's Cadence
  • I definitely agree with the idea that you need to focus on what you want... act like it's a "when" not an "if" So I say go for it!! You know that eventually there will be a baby to occupy the room, and this way you can take your time and find the perfect decorations!!

    I know that for some, having a baby's room with no baby would be too much to handle. But in your case, you already have that anyway. Why not focus on the fun part of it for a bit?! The rest will fall into place!! (this is coming from a girl who bought baby clothes as soon as DH and I made the decision to TTC, and continued to buy baby items even though it wasn't working as well as we would have liked... and then bought even more baby items as soon as the stick said "pregnant" I like to think that my positive thinking helped :) )

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  • I think you should paint it a dark color that is terribly hard to paint over and make a spare room/office/game room/whatever.. - that's how life works right?  Just when you spend the money on something, you have to undo it!

    GL whatever you decide

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