Success after IF
moms of 2+
Did you have doubts or fears about having your second child? So many of you make it look/seem easy, but I think it's going to be really hard. I know I want another baby, but it's scary! I don't know how I'll manage. I mean, I'm not exactly mother of the year over here. And we don't currently have much (any) family or friends to help us out. (We're hoping to move to my hometown someday, but it's not for sure.)
Even as we move forward with our plans to TTC#2, I'm filled with worry and anxiety and doubt. I keep telling myself that it will only be hard for a few years. I might be fooling myself, but that's the thought I'm clinging to.
Any words of encouragement/advice?
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Re: moms of 2+
I'm sorry you are struggling with this. It was not an easy decision for us either. Financially we knew it would be a struggle (the cost of living where we live is very high and I am a SAHM) and like you we don't have any family nearby so other than my Mom visiting when the babies are born we are on our own with 3 under 3. That being said we always knew we wanted more than one and it is worth the struggle for us. Honestly I still have fears and doubts but even after Andrew was born I still had an overpowering feeling that someone was missing in our family.
I hope you are able to work through your worry, anxiety and doubt and come to a decision you are at peace with. I wish I had more words of encouragement or advice.
Hey! You know, it is really hard, but it is also already very rewarding. And I am certainly not going to even be in the running for any parenting awards over here! (I think I'm a good mom, but I could be a lot better.) I don't know how you felt immediately after A's arrival, but I was one who thought, oh crap, what have I done...I'll never have a life again, etc. This time, I fully anticipated those feelings, but for the most part, I don't have them. Yes, things were pretty easy now with just DS1 in terms of having personal time, etc., but even though I'm back in a very hard spot, it's okay. I know this time is fleeting and trust that seeing them grow up together will be totally worth it in the long run. I wasn't really sure I wanted another baby, to be honest, but I wanted very badly for DS1 to have a sibling. He was not suited to be an only child...some are and some aren't, I think. And I know this was the right decision for all of us, so the hard times are worth it. How does your DH feel about it? Good luck making your decision.
For me, I always knew I wanted my kids close together. And even though I knew it would be hard, we just decided to go for it. We knew we could afford it, and I figured that newborns are hard no matter what the age of my older one.
And yes, it was very hard for me in the beginning. Those first 4 months I did wonder a few times what I had done to my life, and wondered if things would ever feel normal again. But every day got a little easier, and these days it is downright fun (and it has been a lot of fun for a while now)!! I love it!
Good luck with your decision!
My second baby isnt here yet but I definitely felt/feel the same way. We made the decision to TTC again because we wanted more than 1 child. We didnt start TTC until I started having a little baby fever (which took a lot longer than I thought it would, I was very satisfied with just my little guy). 2 years apart seemed like a good age difference so we went for it. It certainly wasnt a decision made with 100% certainty - I was certain that I wanted more kids but not certain that I could handle it. But thinking back, I was totally scared when I was pregnant with DS. I remember thinking (numerous times) "what the heck did we do? was this the right decision?" Of course, it was and that is what reassures me this time. It will be different, probably more difficult, but it will be our new normal and we will manage. I like to think that I am at least as competent (hopefully more) than some of the moms I see out there and they seem to manage so I will too.
But like I said, I would be lying if I said I wasnt scared. As anxious as I am to deliver this baby, I dont know if I'm ready to bring her home! Going back to no sleep plus not having the option of sleeping during the day since I'll have a toddler to look after is probably the scariest part for me. Also, figuring out logistics of getting out the house seems a little daunting. How will I get both kids in the cart at the store plus have room for groceries? Will I decide that running errands during the day isnt worth it? We need to get out of the house for our sanity so I hope that isnt the case. It will be an adjustment but just like with DS, I think the benefits will totally outweigh any seemingly negative aspects.
-----Lisa-----
I also had a lot of fear about adding a 2nd child into the mix. I was so worried I wouldn't have time for Stella anymore and I couldn't fathom loving another child as much as I did her. But guess what...I do!!
Hadley is almost 5 months and I can say with 100% certainty that it isn't nearly as scary or hard as I had it worked out in my head. Not to say it's easy cause there are times I am very overwhelmed, but overall it's so fun and very rewarding. I can't imagine my life any other way!
Now...if only I could get the sleeping a bit more under control I'd be a really happy mama!
You will do great! Don't torture yourself too much.