Family member suffered a loss while I'm pregnant — The Bump
Pregnant after a Loss

Family member suffered a loss while I'm pregnant

I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and my step mother-in-law was about 6 weeks ahead of me with her pregnancy.  She had a lot of complications throughout and gave birth last week to an underdeveloped baby and lost him.  My husband and I are devastated and want to be sensitive to their loss.  What should I do?  Every time we talk they ask about the baby and I don't want to rub in the loss, but I want to be there for them.  (We are long distance, phone conversations are our only contact)

Re: Family member suffered a loss while I'm pregnant

  • That is really sad, I'm sorry to hear that! Definitely focus on them and how they are doing in the conversation, but if they do ask you how your pregnancy is going, it would be rude not to give them at least a brief answer. Just keep it light & positive and make sure they are OK again.
    BFP 7/31/10 m/c 8/16/10
    BFP 10/25/10 Brynn Helen born 7/7/11
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  • I'm so sorry for their loss.

    If they are making the first move, and asking about the baby, I would respect that and answer honestly. I wouldn't go on and on, or be overly excited, but feel free to answer the questions. It's obviously part of their healing process, putting themselves out there like that, and they should be commended for doing so. That's not easy.

    Also, don't be offended if that changes as your preganancy progresses - if they stop asking, respect the unspoken message there, and wait for them to reinitiate the conversation.

    It's really just about listening to the cues they give you, and going with what they seem to want. And understanding that as they heal, they may fluctuate on how involved they can be in pregnancy discussions.

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  • Can you please delete the post you wrote on the m/c and loss board? Those girls are going through a fresh loss and you talking about being 16w pregnant can and probably is hard for them to read.

    To answer your question, if they bring up your baby talk about it. If they bring up their son, talk about him. Don't avoid the conversation because it will seem as if you forgot about him. Soon the cards will stop coming in and it will feel like everyone has forgotten. Send a thinking of you card. Always remember his birthday and let them know you are thinking about them on all the holidays.

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  • I agree with everything that Scout and Magdalina.h said.

    I am so sorry for their loss. 

    Married 7/19/09
    MC 9/8/10
    Baby Boy Born 7/31/11
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