Nap philosophy & help!
Kind of a weird title, but what is your stance on naps?
Is it important to you that they are enforced on a regular basis, on a schedule?
Or are you more relaxed and if they take a nap great, if they don't, no worries. Let them crash whenever or where ever?
Reason I ask is with Sabrina, we were the enforcers. For her, she was a cat napper until about 4 months when we put her on a schedule (down for nap within 1-1.5 hours of being awake) and after a few weeks she became a great napper and was like clockwork. We did it because she was getting really cranky and clearly needed her naps. Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child was our guide and it helped immensely. She slept great at night and took 2 solid naps a day.
Travis is also a cat napper but really only likes to nap in his swing still but that's also hit and miss these days. He needs daytime sleep but is sooooo resistant to it. If I put him in his crib it's immediate wake up and not happy - on the very rare occasion he naps in his crib it's never more than 30 minutes. I know it's not bad timing, it's something else.
It almost feels like he's not ready for a nap schedule and I should just relax and let him sleep whenever, where ever until he is ready but that is so foreign to me - especially as someone who feels sleep for infants is so important. He sleeps well at night but is only getting about 10 hours so he needs more sleep. I'm kind of lost on what to do with him or how to help him get sleep during the day. He ends up getting overtired and cranky and then people start feeding him because they don't know what to do with his fussiness. Since DH and I both work, it just isn't realistic for him to be held for naps all day long, which I think is his preference right now....
Re: Nap philosophy & help!
My first thought is that it's great you recognize that all babies aren't the same. I know you knew that -- their beginnings couldn't be more different.
Second, it sounds like his belly issues are impacting his sleep. He may not be able to stay asleep comfortably in a fully reclined position. Even if you are treating reflux (I think you are!), it can still seep through when you lay down. And it would be enough to wake him up after a while. It could be the reason he prefers to sleep while being held (which would likely be upright enough to make the symptoms less noticable to him), same with the swing.
So my guess is it is tummy related, and focusing on making him comfortable (with his head and chest above his belly) or adjusting his meds (either an increase to prevent the breakthrough symptoms, or adjusting the timing) might help.
ETA: I didn't say what my philosophy was. It was sleep by whatever means are necessary. When our instinct wasn't working, I ready a book about 90 minute cycles and started putting him down earlier, which was totally not my instinct. It worked well for us. He went down or we at least attempted a nap at 90 minutes after he woke up. And we stayed on that "schedule" for a long time. His waking and bedtime were not set in stone but were always based off of when he woke up last. It's screwy some days but it worked better for us than anything else.
And in general naps are less important to me than night time sleep. DS took short (less than 40 minute) naps for his whole first year. He barely napped at all as a newborn (meaning naps were crazy short), but he slept really well at night (for long stretches even). Eventually he flipped those (sleeping better during the day and less well at night). He's never ever been good at napping AND night time sleep. And I don't push my luck by trying to get both. It's not worth the aggrevation.
I tried hard to get Natalie on a schedule at around 4 months...but she sort of set her own schedule at that time. It worked out that she would take an hour morning nap, a 2 hour afternoon nap and a cat nap at about 5:30.
With Addi, I tried again to get her on a schedule, but she is a sleeper! She wants to nap all the time. So I had the opposite problem. I didn't get her on a good schedule until she was closer to 6-7 months. Prior to that I just let her nap at will...as long as it didn't affect her night time sleep.
To me it sounds like he is not ready to take a long nap and be on a regular schedule. I'd probably just try again a little closer to 6 months.
I think Travis sounds pretty similar to Grant. For a long long time Grant was on more of a routine that a strict schedule because if he didn't want to nap there really was no way to make him do it. He ended up spending the first 5 or so months only napping in his swing or on me. I tried his crib a few times but like you, as soon as I put him in his eyes would pop open. A couple of time I got him to nap in the crib but they only lasted 20-30 minutes so ultimately I gave up. I decided that I was stressing myself out and probably him by trying to force the issue. I ended up letting him sleep when he wanted to and be up when he wanted. I could tell he was sleepy, but fighting with him just wasn't worth it for either one of us. Watching him cry and scream was driving me crazy and it was making him more cranky/fussy. I would always try to get him to nap, but if he wasn't having it I would let him stay up and try again in an hour or so. He ended up being much happier when I did that. He was tired, but happy.
Eventually we got to the point where the swing just wasn't doing it for him anymore and suddenly he started taking naps in the crib. I would really like to say that I did something to make this happen, but I can't really. I think one day he just changed. He was ready to sleep on his own in his crib. Something that I think helps is the Baby Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit. G has always had really bad startle reflexes which I think is part of why he napped so well in the swing or my arms, because he felt more secure. When he outgrew the swaddle I started putting him in the sleepsuit at night. One day I decided to try him in it for naps and that really helped lengthen his naps in the crib since it kind of stifles those jerky movements. At this point we really are on a pretty strict schedule. Up for about 2 hours then down for a 1-2 hour nap, up for 2-3 hours and down for a second 1-2 hour nap. Occasionally he doesn't sleep well, only sleeps for 30 minutes or so and so I'll try for a third nap later in the day.
I try adn be fluid and stick to a general schedule. Like I try and not mess up the schedule 2 days in a row. But I think its important not to miss out on certain things and I really think its important for kids to learn to go with the flow.
For you I would just go with letting him sleep however whenever...I think your gut is your best guide and since you said you dont think he is ready for the schedule...
Also he has reflux right? For JLK I feel like played a big role on her sleep issues.
br
With Andrew I was pretty relaxed and figured he'd sleep when he needed sleep. Then I learned I was a dumbass and my baby didn't work that way. Read some sleep books, learned that I had to take charge. We did the up for some many hours type of schedule until he went to one nap at 11 months. At 4 months I tried a little sleep training but honestly was too naive to really stick to what I needed to do. I ended up with a kid that woke up at every transition for naps and a lot of them for his nightime sleep as well. For naps he woke on the 30 min mark for a long time, then it was the 45 min mark and eventuallly 1.5 hrs. Always had to be rocked back to sleep. We seriously had to do that until he dropped his nap completely
. He also only slept in my arms for naps until he was 5months.
Cooper we did drowsy but awake from the beginning and were stronger about not running at the first cry. It helped me a lot that at the hospital I couldn't get to him once when he let out a few tiny cries and in the minute it took me to get there he up and feel right to sleep.
Have you tried just leaving him in the swing for say 5 minutes to cry when he wakes at the transition and see if he goes back to sleep on his own? Andrew slept in his swing for a very short time, like a month or so around 5 months and it always was 2-10 min of fighting in to fall asleep, wake at the transition and fuss/cry for 5-10 min and then fall asleep. He wouldnt't sleep at all any other way so it had to be done and then he stopped even doing that and we got him sleeping in his crib with a lot of pick up, put down, pick up crap.
I think some babies just don't adhere to a schedule and some babies are so sensitive that things have to be perfect to sleep (andrew for sure). Will he sleep and sleep for a long time if someone is holding him? If so, I would try a few things. A heating pad on his bed before he's laid down, solid nap routine including PJ's to signal sleep time, putting him in the crib and patting him, rubbing him until his eyes flutter, leave and repeat as necessary until he falls asleep. For his sleep routine create associations you can do with him in the crib as well as your lap, patting him, rubbing his head, reading or singing to him.
If he likes movement they sell things that you can put on the crib feet to make it rock or vibrate so maybe that would be soothing to him.
https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Rock-a-Bye-Crib-Base/dp/B0010SIWKG/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1296510352&sr=1-10
https://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Gentle-Vibrations-Soother/dp/B000CRFOWK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1296510352&sr=1-1
Sleep has been a long hard road for us, and I am finally seeing some rewards, but as everyone has said every child is different and you have to go with what feels right.
Elena had a hard time with naps. For a long time they were only 40 minutes and she was still on four naps even when my nanny first started at 4 months. The only way to get a good nap was to leave her in the room, fussing until she fell asleep. Now if she started to cry a lot, I would run in, check for poop, give her some more milk, soothe her a bit and then leave again. Eventually she fell asleep, but some times it was quite a struggle. I was pretty militant about it and now I'm not sure that was the "right" thing. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to get her to sleep.
I did use the HSHHC routine, of putting her down after 1-1.5 hours at that age as you know of course, being a big advocate of that book. I had and still have a musical seahorse, a lot of white noise (tons of it), and a heater in the room.
I didn't want to be the bed because I had to use the nap to shower, eat, clean, etc. so really wanted naps in the crib.Also she didn't nap in the swing, car or stroller for a LONG time so that was not even an option.
So my philosophy was to really push on the naps, even if they were short and frequent, they eventually lengthened and became somewhat more normal.She JUST started sleeping through the night. So my take is that her sleep milestones were slightly later than normal and I was just patient with the schedule being irregular until basically recently with the switch to one nap and sleeping through the night.