Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Bridesmaid 1 mo after baby arrives?
Hi Ladies,
I'm venturing over from the September 2011 board to get advice.
My brother in law is getting married on Oct 1. My EDD is Sept 4. I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid in the wedding (the wedding was planned long before I found out I was pregnant). How realistic is it for me to be a bridesmaid in this wedding? Would I even be able to attend as a guest? While my brother in law and his fiance are being understanding, my in-laws are getting a little crazy about this already. They see no reason why DH and I would not be at the wedding and reception with LO. I want to set realistic expectations with them now. What would you do?
Thanks in advance for the help!
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Re: Bridesmaid 1 mo after baby arrives?
IMO: I think it might be challenging to have a dress fitted when you won't really know what your body will be like 1 month after having a baby. More importantly (at least for me) is that you may not want to take the baby out around crowds until after their first set of vaccines which aren't until 2 months.
It's definitely a touchy situation...good luck!
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I don't like being in weddings... much easier to attend as a guest.
I also had an unplanned c-section, and most likely would not have wanted to attend a formal event so soon after.
So, I would bow out of the commitment.
I agree.
I would be very weary about taking LO around a bunch of ppl when he/she wouldn't have had their shots yet.
Sorry no real advice here, hope the in-laws can understand that.
My DD is one month old. I would be totally up to being a guest at a wedding, especially if it is a family wedding. Being a bridesmaid might be difficult because many of the related events will be taking place around the time you are giving birth.
FWIW, I am about 1-2 sizes up from my normal size right now at 1 month pp. I have 9 lbs left to lose (if you are going to be in the wedding and are looking for sizing advice).
One more thing...
If this is your first, there is a good chance you could go past your due date. So, you might even be less than 1 month pp at the time of the wedding.
Would you take DC with you or leave them with a sitter? Something else to consider...
I think you might want to plan on going as a guest rather than a bridesmaid. You just don't know what you body is going to be doing and that point. Also, you may only be 3 weeks out if the baby is late. I know my first month PP was difficult. I bled A LOT for a least a month, I had oversupply issues and leaked BM constantly, and I got mastitis at about 2-3 weeks out. My boobs didn't grown at all during my pregnancy, but 4 days PP they grew 2 1/2 sizes overnight when my milk came in. There is no way I would have been able to be a BM at 3-4 weeks PP. If you go as a guest at least you will have options.
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I'd say go, but don't commit to anything like being a bridesmaid. I'm sure the bride and groom would understand. There's no reason not to go, there's just a lot to take into consideration first.
You'll be tired/saggy/leaky, and standing in front of a large crowd.
How late can you do dress alterations to make sure it still fits PP?
What if you deliver two weeks late? What if you end up with a c-section?
Are you nursing? You'll need to make time for that throughout the entire day.
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I bounced back very quickly with an uncomplicated vaginal delivery. I drove at 10 days post-partum & had already lost 20 lbs. Tummy was/is still baggy.
I wouldn't take the baby out to a crowded event that early though. No shots & people would want to hold/touch baby.
Agree with pp.
Week 3 was pure hell for us. Baby crying, only sleeping in 30min increments, cluster feeding, baby wanted to be held all the time, baby blues hit very hard, mom crying, dad frustrated, wondering why we ever had unprotected sex. Something changed right at week 4, & he got into a better rhythm.
Eeeeeee...between recovery, sleep deprivation, baby blues (which not everyone gets of course) and breastfeeding (if you are planning on this), I would certainly say no on being a bridesmaid...but of course everyone's experiences will be different.
Good luck!
I was a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding 7 days after DD1 was born. I felt great and had a good time. However, I had a med free birth with an amazing recovery and wasn't breastfeeding.
Even if you decide not to be a bridesmaid I see no reason why you couldn't attend the wedding and reception with LO if you felt ready. Maybe decline being a bridesmaid and play the wedding and reception by ear.
Ditto the pps. If you go overdue it could be just a few weeks post-birth. I'd definitely find a way to go, but being in the wedding would be rough. My life revolves around LOs feeding at this point, and I can't imagine how I would do all the bridesmaid duties with a nursing infant.
I would still attend the wedding, but plan on wearing baby in a sling or something so people don't try to touch/hold the baby.
I wouldn't do it. They should understand if you want to bow out, so I say do it while you can, without wrecking their plans. If you commit to being in the wedding and then don't feel up to it, it will be 1,000 times worse.
I'd say plan on going, but not necessarily taking LO (who won't have been vaccinated yet)... but be flexible since you never know how you're going to feel when the time comes. It's totally possible that you won't feel up to leaving LO by then (personally, I wouldn't have), but you can always play it by ear and use BF as an excuse to bow out after the ceremony... or party the night away if that's what you want to do!
Thank you so much for the responses so far! You all have brought things to my attention that I hadn't really thought through. At this point I think I'm going to request to decline out of being a bridesmaid. This way the bride, groom and my in-laws have time take in the news and plan accordingly rather than me backing out a few weeks before the wedding.
This will be a big wedding (200+ guests) and I think that's far too many people for a newborn who has not been vaccinated to be exposed to. How did I manage to miss that in the pregnancy books?! I'm not sure if this would matter, but I was born 12 days late by c-section. That combined with the fact that I seriously have no hips makes me worry that a c-section could very well be in my future with this baby. I do plan to BF.
After hearing your advice I think I may ask my mother or sister to travel with me and DH to the wedding, which is out of town. My family is not invited to the wedding but I'm could get them a room in the hotel where the reception is taking place and they could help care for the baby while I pop downstairs to be a part of the reception for a few minutes here and there. That way DH can focus on his responsibilities as best man a little more and worry a little less about us. If baby or I am not up for the trip (1.5 hours away) we will just stay home.
Thank you again for the advice!
I think you can def go. It is enough time for you to recover & might be a nice date night for you & DH.
As far as your size in dress goes, stick to the recommended weight gain & you'll be fine. I gained 27lbs, I put on pre-pregnancy jeans less then a week after delivery.