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foster parent help with reunification!
our little girl S. she is 3yrs old left us today after 1.5 yrs with us. she is back with her parents. They were court ordered in the process to be able to call her at our house and in doing so we talked and she said she wants to have us in her life which we want too. Mom and dad have mental issues and I am a little Leary of some of the things she says but just keep it in and dont say anything to upset her because we want to be able to see our girl. So question; 1st day she left us is today mom has already called us for advice on a cut she got today(which is fine) but asked if we wanted to meet tomorrow with our son and S. at a craft class. Then she said she wants us to be at her birthday party this is all still good. But this is her 1st day back with them. How do I stay in her life with out getting too involved with the parents how do you "get together" without getting personal and if they ask us questions we dont know how to answer without getting her mom upset when we dont want to tell her personal things (she asks alot of questions and goes from subject to subject). we want to get together and be able to be in her life but we dont want them knowing where we live and work and get too personal with things just in case at some point if it was to happen she ends up back in our care. S. was our 1st foster child and we are devastated that she is gone I cant even go in her room and we want to see her but how do you do this??
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Re: foster parent help with reunification!
ditto this, I also would break down every time our first FS's room would open for months. The smell was too much to bear. After 2 months we had guests stay in his room and I was so upset after they left bc his smell was gone. And we didn't have him near as long as you.
I am so sorry you had to lose her, but hopefully remaining in her life will help you know she is doing ok and have her for weekends and visits.
This. twice.
I could have written this same post three years ago. And how it ended? Today we are very close with our former foster child and she spends many many weekends with us ...meaning spending the night here a few nights in a row, quite often. At first I thought it was excessive but her parents are not the best parents and she needs some good examples in her life and we can make sure she gets some healthy meals, new clothes that fit, remains clean (baths), teeth brushed, lots of love, etc while she's in our care.
In the begining I did not want to give her parents much info either, but over time, we were more and more comfortable doing so. It's quite obvious to us now that they would not be harmful to us. They call us her other family. They are still having issues with the law and it's quite possible she could go back into care. They actually told us if that happens, they will feel much better now knowing their daughter would be with us in good care. I almost think they are hoping they will lose custody.
The downfall to our relationship is the cost and also the exhaustion. We get so tired of driving back and forth to do pickups and drop offs ...they live about an hour away and have their drivers licenses revoked. And our monthly expenses are quite higher when we have her many weekends, because we buy her new clothing still, haircuts, quality food, entertainment, etc. And yes, 100% is out of our pocket. But we figure it's money very well spent.
With her items in the house, we gradually gave them back. We gave all the necessities and some, when she left us. We then met up a weekend later, and we gave lots more. It took about 5 visits before she got most her things back. We kept some clothes, and a couple other things for when she'd come visit. All the items I'm referring to were purchased by us (she came to us with nothing).
Ours came to us at 2 1/2 and left us at age almost 4.