Help a 2 year old get over his Daddy being gone?

Andrewsgal

I had no idea how to word this post title sorry.

DH is back to working 90 hours a week, it will be this way for about 2 months and happens two to three times a year. He leaves the house at 7 and gets home at 10:30, seven days a week. None of us see him at all. It is what it is I have learned to live with it.  He is in a very competitive field and it is just the way it works. 

This is the first time DS is really old enough to realize what is going on and he is a basket case. He cries on and off all day for Daddy. Walks around the house at night saying "daddy where are you" (he puts DS to bed usually). He is horribly grouchy all day and it is wearing me down. He is average as far as his language for a two year old so his expressive language is limited. It is breaking my heart and to be honest testing my patience. I feel horrible for him, and I miss DH too, but I feel like a single mom and I am at my breaking point with him.

Anyone have an ideas on how I can help him? I hate seeing him so miserable?  

esposa38

MH works hours like that, but it's pretty much year round so I guess it helps that that's just what the kids are used to, but when they really miss him or ask for him, during the day we just call and leave voicemails for him, and at bedtime I remind them that Daddy comes home after they are asleep, but he always comes in and kisses them when he gets home. In the morning, DH makes a big deal about how when he went in to kiss them, they were sleeping "crazy" (like, sidewise on the bed, or the covers were all kicked off or something...) and he tucked them back in all snug. They get a kick out of that and always talk about it throughout the day. (JD does, at least; Matt you know, I imagine he would if he could talk...)

canhardlywait1

That must be really tough...  When I travel we web chat through Skype (it's free).  We have a web camera on our home laptop and I use my Iphone or laptop.  We also have a special travel bear that I take back and forth with me.  I will email funny pictures of him or us together, the kids love it.  I saw it on a commercial long ago and it works like a charm!

That said it is still really hard my kids are 4.5 and 2.5 and they really miss me now.

ccm1203

Can you go have lunch or dinner with him a couple times a week?  Also talking to him on the phone probably help as well. 

 I can't imagine that must be really tough.

ridesbuttons

That's so sad. 

When my husband goes on trips (usually 4 per year lasting up to 2 weeks) we talk a lot about what he is doing and look at pictures of him a fair amount as well.  But, those trips last only long weekends or 2 weeks at the most.  It seems to me the longer trip around the time my DS1 was two was the hardest one for him to manage.

Maybe you could work on a project together to show daddy when he is back on a regular schedule.  Something that would 'make daddy proud' (my DS is big on making us 'proud') or 'make daddy happy'.  Something like a photo album or scrapbook or similar.

If you can find a way to get your DS involved in some activities during the day so you are not on the hotseat 7 days a week, that would likely alleviate some of the pressure as well.

And maybe daddy could leave your DS a message once a week or so that he could listen to.  Lots of kids toys have recording devices and you can buy very inexpensive ones as well.

At least it is temporary.

JENandJEH

One thing we did this time when my DH left for deployment was to get him a Build a Bear with a voicebox in it.  DH recorded a little message to DS and he LOVES that bear.  Also, we got one of the recordable storybooks from Hallmark and we read it every night before bed. 

 

Another thing that a lot of military spouses will do is make paper chain pieces and each day, color on the paper and add it to the chain.  That way, you're not counting down since you may never know the exact date of return but you see how long you can make it.  Or, take a mason jar and pick a favorite candy or cookie and let the kids add a piece per day and then, when daddy comes home (or in your case, work slows down) have a sundae party and use the toppings you've collected on the sundaes. 

 

Maybe start writing notes at the end of the day for daddy and daddy could leave notes and a little "task" or activity to do the next day.  They may look forward to seeing what daddy left them to do each morning. 

 

 

august06mom

Do they get to have breakfast together? DH has similar hours during the summer, although it's usually just 6 days a week. But DS always takes it very hard. DH is often just getting home for a few hours of sleep when DS gets up for breakfast, so they spend some time bonding then. Is that possible?

peekaboo716

DH travels a lot for work, so we deal with things like this sometimes too.

Can you call him at bedtime to say good night?

We eat dinner "with daddy." The kids get to pick their favorite picture of daddy and put it in a frame at the table while we eat. They love that.

DH will leave notes for the kids. He "hides" them and the kids love to find them to see what daddy is "saying" to them.

The kids will also leave notes or pictures for daddy. They leave them in his briefcase.

adri77

My husband works like crazy too.....we NEVER have family meals M-F, the kids NEVER see him in the evenings M-F, they see him briefly as he's running around getting ready in the morning, not any kinda QT, so I know how hard it is, especially watching your children miss him.  DH reads Polar Bear Polar Bear to the kids in a really funny way and they totally crack up everytime, so one time I secretly taped that and let them watch it at night.  DS1 also goes to sleep with a picture of him and they have phone calls at night to say goodnight.  And on the really hard nights, I lay in bed with DS1.  Totally not the best habit, but whatever, he's sad and I feel bad about it.  So if it makes him fall asleep easier/quicker, oh well!  Good luck!

r9stedt

Could you skype on his work breaks?