Can we throw our shower?

ldkhan

Our parents live on the opposite coast as well as all of our closest friends. Everyone locally has been asking when we are having a shower, but I don't want someone to feel as though they should shell out the expense for it. We have opted to throw a family style celebration picnic with food and games, very relaxed. The invitations will not mention a registry, but more like "food and fun for the whole family."

 Is this tacky?

Corts

Only if you throw it before the baby is born.

four+leighf

Unfortunately, yes, that is generally seen as tacky.  It just doesn't look good because it's seen as a ploy to get people to buy you stuff.  If people are asking about a shower, and you just mention that no, no one has stepped up to throw you one yet, someone probably will.  And showers don't HAVE to be a huge expense on the part of the hostess.

EastCoastBride

A meet the baby party after the baby is born is fine because it's not about gifts. Anything before will be seen as a shower and that is tacky to throw your own.

miaomi

Yes, if you are having a baby shower before the baby is born, it is tacky.  Not mentioning where you are registered doesn't change that fact.  On my invitations to wedding and baby events (thrown my OTHER people) I asked that it not be mentioned.  To me, I think mentioning it at all is tacky.  If people can't figure out where you are registered and choose to get a gift, they will ask when RSVP'ing.

Plain and simple...it's NOT ok to throw your own shower.  The purpose of a shower is NOT to honor the baby, but to "shower" the parent's-to-be in gifts.  It's basically saying, please come over and give me gifts.  When people ask you where your shower is, just saying politly, nobody has planned one yet but I'll let you know if someone does.  Then, if someone offers...great.  If not...well, a shower is gift from family/friends that not everyone gets.  It can be a bummer, but that's just the way it is.  If you want to honor the baby, after it's born throw a GTG for everyone to meet him/her.

christelrn

I don't think this sounds tacky at all. You are not mentioning your registry. What is wrong with having a get together to celebrate your little one coming & parenthood?? I say do i! 

Annierose1

I'm no etiquette queen here, but where I come from, throwing a barbeque or get together to celebrate the upcoming arrival of a child would not be seen as tacky. Especially if you have no mention of gifts or a registry on your invitation. If a friend of mine did not have a baby shower and invited me and my husband to their house for food and drinks to share their excitement of becoming parents, I would be happy to come and I would probably even bring a gift. But that's simply because I care about my friends and tacky or not, I'm not going to stick my nose in the air to an invitation simply because it's being hosted by the future parents, I just see that as being snobby.

But if you want to go by the book like most of the posters on this board, then yes, I guess it's tacky. If you're really worried I would just throw a meet the baby party after the baby is born.

GL and no matter what you do, just have fun!

miaomi

I think if you just have a bbq or something, that's one thing.  But you called it your "shower" in the title, so I'm assuming that's what you ment. 

OctoberCAPA

If you call it a shower, even without putting registry info on the invite, yes, that is tacky.  If you're just inviting people over for a BBQ a couple weeks before you're due and you don't mention shower, gifts, whatever, fine.  How are you going to respond when people ask if it's your shower though?  Saying yes will be tacky; saying no will be weird if it's really your intention for it to be a shower.  So what do you want it to be--a party (not tacky) or a disguised shower (tacky)?

brobin01

You know your group of friends and family and what may be tacky in "bump world" may not be tacky in yours. I think considering your circumstances, throwing a celebration before baby is born is just fine. Like PP said, not mentioning your registry or mentioning "shower" on the invite is good advice. Also, since your family and friends are asking you about a shower, I assume they will ask you where you are registered. That way whoever wants to buy you a gift will.

cmr4828

This is definitely a difficult position to be in. I think everyone deserves to celebrate their baby/their happiness. 

Therefore, as long as it isn't called a shower...I don't think it would be deemed tacky because you will be seen as celebrating your baby, not throwing a party specifically  designed to get gifts.

Babylove73

Yes you can! Especially since you have no one to do this for you. Every pregnant woman should experience a shower atleast once. My friend and her husband did this and called it a Baby Sprinkle.(and they had people who would have done this, but they didn't want to have anyone else deal with the expense)  Maybe you can choose a friend to help host, hand out favors, coordinate the games, ext..  I don't think this is tacky at all. Have your shower, but call it what it is.

cofox14

Not tacky, go for it!

caramelcupcake

I would do a meet the baby picnic and if people want to bring a gift (which most will) that is their choice, but I do recall the event being just a couple of weeks after baby was born

 From my experience the parents bought the big stuff themselves like car seat/ stroller/crib.  

CaptainObnoxious

Isn't your shower heavy?