I need a FFC, long.

sabrina69barnes

 I'm having a bad day and I feel like I'm a hormonal mess. At first I thought it might mean AF was on her way but that was 10 days ago and now AF is no where in sight. I really need a Flame Free Confession right now.

  Some very brief backstory: DH was married before and has a DD(6) and a DS(6) with his ex. They are with us every other weekend and all summer. DH usually has to work a lot of the weekends so it's just me and the kids. There isn't a way to change that. His ex is a total FH. All of her children were "oopsies" according to her. SS and SD are 10 mo apart and she also has another S and D with her BF and they are 18mo apart. His ex is a pretty horrible person and I can't stand her. The FH part is just the icing on the cake right now.

  Since my latest MC I've been feeling really resentful toward SKs and their BM. Also since my MC being around my SKs had made me depressed and angry. I'm angry that BM gets pregnant and it ends in a healthy baby anytime she "forgets" birthcontrol despite that fact that she is a horrible selfish mom who's children go back a forth between being either an accessory to her like a cute purse or and huge inconvience. I'm angry with the way BM parents SS and SD and I'm angry with the way they behave because of it. They are completely different children during the summer when I'm the one doing most of the parenting but right now they can't be left unsupervised for more than 5min unless I want a big mess to clean up. I know it isn't entirely their fault but I'm angry with them for the way they act during the weekends. I'm angry that DH isn't here to help me.

  I'm angry that BM has a daughter and I dont. I don't care about the genders of my children, having boys vs girls doesn't matter to me. It's that after having two boys everyone who knew about my last pregnancy was sure I would have a girl that time. When I see boys and boy babies I can focus on thinking about my sons. When I see girls and girl babies I think about the children that I didn't get to have because they died. It's likely that at least 1 of the 4 would have been a girl. Seeing female children is just a reminder to me of the potential children I could have had but didn't.

  I'm angry that the rest of the world is still going on when I need it to just be on hold right now. I'm suppossed  to be pregnant right now  and I just need the world to be on hold or at least slow down until I can catch up and get pregnant again or at least start TTC again but that can't happen again until I get AF and I have no idea when that will be.

  I know that there are so many other ladies who have it so much worse than me and I really hope I don't offend anyone. I'm just feeling really horrible today and needed to tell someone how I'm feeling. If you've read this far thanks.

fireflies0306

I am so sorry you are having a rough day!  I don't know if it would help you, but while my ex husband is a complete douche (and has gotten better after we lost our son), my DH struggles sometimes with the feelings towards my ex H, b/c he had 2 DD's with me, with no problems, and here we are, just trying to have our first together.  my DH does so much with the girls, and really bonds with them, on top of treats them like they are his, that he gets so pissed off when their dad walks around like superdad b/c he took them to church then to a family party.  

its not the same i know, but the feelings you are having are not "wrong", and its not fair and it sucks!!! 

i know its not fair, but i know your time will come, and you will have your take home baby.   you and DH need to have some good cuddle time tonight...break open a bottle of wine and know that you two will have your baby soon!

{{hugs}} 

emeraudecephiro

 

Rawr08

HadleyS

I read it all, and you have posted in the right place.  This why we are here, to give support and get support in return.

I don't have any children (yet), but I think I can understand how you would be upset with your SKs from time to time, definitely can see your point on being upset with the BM.  You are certainly allowed to be angry.  When you are ready, just take some deap breaths, and you will get through this.  I hope that AF comes soon...hey, maybe the anger is related to PMS!? and you will get it tonight! FX.

(that was my poor attempt to lighten the mood, sorry if the joke is bad)

millejj1

Please don't consider this flaming, think of it more as a gentle reminder.This post read to me like: My dh's ex is a FH. I hate her, her kids are terrible when they are with her and that makes it so hard for me. DH doesn't help me enough. I know I have sons but I really want a daughter. Poor me. It's so hard. Poor me.

I don't think that is your intent at all and I'm sorry you are feeling stressed. I really do hope that you start to feel better and that you are able to work something out with DH's ex. But this is very hurtful to a lot of ladies here that would give anything to take your place. So in the future, perhaps one of the parenting boards would be a better place to vent about your stepchildren and their mother.

biddy53178

I'm sorry you are having a bad day and I think your feelings are completely normal- I work in a pediatric ER and so on a daily basis FH and their kids who are totally out of control and it makes me very angry- You're right, they can't help how they are acting- it is a product of their upbringing on the weeks you don't have them and I commend you for being able to recognize that you are having a hard time- good luck- hugs.

sabrina69barnes

millejj1:

 I know I have sons but I really want a daughter. Poor me.

I don't take it as flaming. This isn't at all what I ment at all but I can understand how someone could take it that way.

One of my miscarriages was with and exboyfriend who had red hair. During that pregnancy when I pictured our child I pictured a red headed baby. The children he went on to have all have red hair. When I see children with red hair it makes me really sad. I'm not sad because my living children don't have red hair but I wish they did. (I obviously don't care about hair color, this is hypothetical). I'm said because it reminds of a child that I lost and what they could have been like. Seeing girls is the same thing for me right now. I'm not sad that I have boys. I'm sad because I think of what my lost children could have been. I love my kids and I am so thakful for them. Sometimes having them makes the pain  of my losses not hurt so bad or is a distraction but having them doesn't replace my children that were lost or make the pain ever go away. That's what I ment.

rosenb2b

It's normal to feel angry / sad, etc. after a m/c but I don't think this anger just happened because of your loss. 

Blended families are already tough situations in a lot of cases.  I'm there myself and yes, sometimes I'm not happy with the way my SD or her BM acts, jealous over the fact that her BM continues to have healthy babies, etc.  BUT I have to step back and realize that I'm not SD's birth parent.  She's only here for a limited visit and while she's here, she follows our house rules.  When she leaves, she can follow the other rules or lack there of.   If I get angry or whatever while she's here, I walk away.  When I agreed to marry DH, I agreed to be a stepmom...end of story.  It's not a cake walk by any means and I admire the blended families that make everything seem so easy.

All being said, sorry you are having a tough time but turn your anger towards something productive...not your SKs.  They don't deserve it!

alexa08

I'm so sorry you're having a rough day.  It's good to get it all out.

Izabella22

I'm with you on the ex being an FH. DH was married previously and his ex is a pill popping wh0re who cheated on him every chance she got... and had 2 perfectly healthy kids with no issues (other than that they have a mom who's a ho-bag drug addict). Now I get double whammy that the daughter DH adopted from his previous marriage is pregnant. And I won't lie, I'm pretty jealous/bitter. I don't begrudge her, but it doesn't help the fact that its so easy for them and I can't give my DH a baby at all. Try to think of it as you are providing those children the most stable family they will ever know and you get to help shape their lives (to hopefully not be like the ex).