Baptism Help, vent, suggestions?

BaileyDoodle2010

Here is some background:

I was raised Catholic, was baptised, 1st communion, confirmation and went to church every Sunday until late high school.  then after that, it was only holidays/special events. 

Dh was raised Presbertyrian (sp?).  was baptised, and went to church every sunday til about Middle school. 

we didnt get married in a church, mainly due b/c niether one of us would budge on me getting married in a presberterian church and him getting married in a catholic church.  Dh has some issues with catholism.  

so needless to say based on above, we arent very religious ppl.  we both believe in God and i am more spritual than DH, but we have only gone to church together on Christmas.  we have never been to church in the state we live in now.

of course i want DD baptised. I am already upset that she is 8 mths old and we havent had it done. We are stuck on where to get this done.  We live out of state, all of our family is back East.  so we finally decided that we are going to have it done where all our family is.  But again, he doesnt want it done at my home church and i dont want it done as his home church.  Another issue is our families are 2 hours  apart, so logistically it doesnt make sense to have it one our home churches cause then the other family has to drive 2 hours......

We want it done at a non-denominational christian church, but i am having trouble finding one.  it seems like back east they dont have a lot of them.   Dh is all about picking a random church in between our 2 families, kind of around where we got married.  He said it doesnt matter where it is, but its the act the ppl that are there they make it special.

i guess i am venting and looking for others in similiar situations and what did you do? 

two-pink-shoes

The thing is that baptism is usually thought to be of a church family welcoming a baby and pledging to help the parents raise the baby in the church.  Since you don't belong to a church, it would be kind of weird to just show up one Sunday at a church where no one knows you and have it done since the ceremony generally asks the congregation to participate.  My suggestion would be to find a minister (or heck, have the ministers from both of your families' churches do it together) of some sort and have it done with just family and close friends on a Saturday or some time not during the church service.

katesmom73

I've started and stopped this post about 5 times because I have so many different thoughts about it.  It sounds like you're both being stubborn about it - neither of you go to church but you're both butting heads about where she should be baptized.  I think non-denominational is the way to go but then you have the location issue.  If I were you, I'd do it in the town you live in now.  I can completely understand why someone would want to have it done in their hometown but you said yourself that it won't be at your church and it won't be at your dh's so why pick some random church in a town you don't live in?  And looking to the future, do you plan on having her go through the rest of the sacraments? 

AbJams

I am no expert on baptisms... but... I think you need to think about WHY you want your baby baptised. Is it because you want her to be brought into the fold and be blessed and all of the other religious signifigance... or is it because you want to have the party and everyone there and whatnot? Because I don't see why it's strictly neccesary for all of your family to be there. Take your DD to the non-denominational church of your choice and have her baptised. Since you don't GO to a church I don't see why it matters where she's baptised. But I am saying this as someone who wasn't baptised and knows nothing about it.

numeria11

I understand your frustration my husband and I went thru a similar issue for baptizing our daughter.  He was raised Lutheran Church Missouri Synod (basically Catholic minus the Pope, but just as strict in many ways) and I was raised Methodist.  We ended up realizing that if we are going to actually actively practicing our religion again and raising our daughter in the church then we both needed to find something/someplace we could be comfortable in.  Thus we ended up going to a local Lutheran Church that is ECLA (the lighter less strict version of Lutheranism) and have started attending more regularly.  After going for about a month and seeing that yes this was a congregation we wanted to be a part of we went ahead and asked to do a baptism, it took another month or so but she was baptized right around 6 1/2 months.   

As another posted said you really need to find a church that you plan on attending long term since this is a commitment that the entire congregation is making to help your child with their faith.  Most random churches aren't going to do a "baptize and run" since it defeats the point in their minds.  Ideally you need to have it where you are living and your parents and his can just come join you for the service.  Yes it's a pain for them but ultimatly they should understand that this is something you want you child to grow into and that you have chosen a church that will support all of you in your search for faith. 

As a side note I would suggest looking at some Lutheran Churches both Missouri Synod (for you) and ECLA for him they might be a good compromise for both of you.  Also try attending a Presbyterian service and a Catholic service in your area and meeting with the pastors/priests to discuss your concerns about your faith. Ultimatly waiting a few more months to make sure your little one is baptized in the right place and for the right reasons isn't a bad thing so don't beat yourself up about it, heck I was 10 (yes years) when I was finally baptized.  GL!

CodyGH

We went with a Methodist church.  I was raised Baptist and my husband is Catholic.  Most of his family is Catholic with some Lutherans thrown in.  We wanted our family to be present, but didn't have a church around them.  I contacted a Methodist church through email and explained to them that we were from out of town but wanted our family present and if they could help us out it would be appreciated.  We got an email back and they offered to do a private baptism on a Tuesday night.  So it was only our families that were present.  That way, when the minister asked the "congregation" if they promised to help DS and guide him, it wasn't weird because it was our family and not members of a church we didn't belong to.  That would be my recommendation.  Methodists accept any and all denominations/people.  But just know that if you want your child to continue on in the Catholic faith, they will probably have to be re-baptized in the Catholic church.

meganandchase

I'm also curious as to why you want the baptism.  I am ELCA Lutheran.  For us, during the baptism, you promise to raise the child in the church, to teach him the commandments and the creed, and the Lord's prayer.  The congregation promises to help raise the child in the church, and to pray for the child.  If you don't intend to find a church home, I'm not sure you can follow through on the promises.

Also, at my church, we will not baptize people who are not members or children or grandchildren of members, so make sure the church is willing to baptize your child before you make plans.

That said, I second the idea to find a church home where you live now.  Look for a good non-denominational church that both of you like, and then get your baby baptized.

vanverth

As pp have said why do you want your baby baptised?  I am a cradle Catholic and continue to practice the faith.  I had LO baptised when he was 4 months.  I continue to take him to church every Sunday. I see baptism as a step in the faith journey, not as a end step. 

I think that any minister (no matter what religion) is going to ask you why you want your child baptised.  I know that in the Catholic faith one of the requirements of infant baptism is that the parents promise to raise the child in the Church.  I would think that other faiths (even non-denominational) would like some commitment of attendance by the parents and some reassurance that the child would be taught the Christian beliefs of that church. 

BaileyDoodle2010

thanks girls.   I do want to find a church in our home state that we can go to.  but Dh feels its important for our family to be there.   I dont really care about the party....i hate living so far away!   and to top it off, we would probably have to pay to fly out DH's parents & bro and my dad and sis. 

I dont like the idea of finding a random church to do it, but i like that our families can be there.  I guess thats what i have to do deal with in living far away.

as far as what she is going to be raised, we dont know.   I went to CCD, Dh didnt.  its a something we talk about all the time, but havent decided.  I would like to find a church we both like and take it from there.

vanverth

BaileyDoodle2010:

as far as what she is going to be raised, we dont know.   I went to CCD, Dh didnt.  its a something we talk about all the time, but havent decided.  I would like to find a church we both like and take it from there.

Just my two cents but if going to church is important to you and you can't get DH to move, look yourself.  Find somewhere you feel comfortable.  My brother and sister-in-law were both raised Catholic.  When they moved to the Cinncinati area, they could not find a Catholic Church they liked so they started going to an Epscipalian Church and feel very comfortable there (I call it Catholic Lite - Similar Religion, 1/3rd the guilt.)