Moms of 2 or more

slukd79

How far apart are your LOs spaced out? Do you like the age difference or wish it was a bit closer/farther?

My DH and I are in negotiations (!) for when to consider trying for #2. 

Long story short, he is being very practical. He wants to know where we would put the baby (condo), how we would pay for another in childcare etc. I am coming at this from a different place: I am getting older (turned 32 last week, gasp!) and I enjoyed being approximately 2 years apart from my own sister.

MrsKLS

33 months apart....it's nice in that DD understood what was happening with a new baby coming. She also like to help take care of her baby brother. Plus side is she was potty trained and could dress herself, etc.

Downside....we were just getting to the point where we had flexibility to do more things - going out to eat, fun vacations, etc and now we are back to infant stage with several naps, diapers, bottles, etc.

I guess either way there is no "perfect" age gap...it's all in what works for your family.

SoonToBeMrsDTS

Mine are 21 months apart. It was really, really hard when my second one was a baby but it's great now. They play together nicely and are entertained by the same things. I stay home though, so we don't have to worry about daycare costs. Plus the closer together they are the less time I'll be not working. 

It'll be just over 3 years between my second and third which I've heard is an easier spacing. DS will be potty trained by then and he'll be going to preschool 2 mornings a week. My brother and I are 3 years apart and have never been super close. I don't know if it's the age gap or maybe it's just us. I would have liked to have had #3 a little closer but I wasn't able to TTC until recently due to other health issues. 

Hey Jellisy

I am only 2 weeks into having two 22 months apart so I can't speak with any great experience - but I knew I wanted to have my babies close together.  My mom had 4 babies in under 7 years (I am 15 months older than my first brother) and I wanted to give my family that same experience.  DH and I had decided that we would start trying after DD turned 1.  Reflecting back on the last year, I wouldn't have wanted to have children any closer than 18 months apart.  That seemed to be the age when DD became a little more independant and could start voclaizing her needs which makes it a lot easier to care for her and the little one.  I hope to repet the same spacing for the third child. 

Gigs2000

Mine are 19 months apart...

It was a little tough when DD was born b/c DS was still too young to quite understand why his whole world was being turned upside down.  For the most part he ignores her, but he has his moments (like yesterday when we were reading books and for no apparent reason he reaches over and whacks her in the forehead).  We now have 2 in diapers but it doesn't bother me, since I don't know anything different.  As PP mentioned, we still have the strict nap schedule and never got used to things getting easier.

My sister and I are 18 months apart, were close growing up, and are very close now. I always wanted my kids close in age for that reason.   

Right now, my son is in preschool and my mom and MIL juggle watching DD.  We have the luxury of a couple of years before the financial impact of two in daycare hits, but trying to get everyone out the door in the morning is no fun! 

 

 

LindseyJW

our kids are 4 years apart and i love it (so far, DD is only 4 months old). my siblings and i were 4 years apart. i'm the oldest and i got along best with the youngest (my brother) when we were kids. now, my sister (the middle child) and i are very close.

i really REALLY enjoyed having 3 years with my son before being pregnant again. i feel like it was an opportunity to really get to know him. i'm actually a little sad that i won't have that experience with my daughter (but i'll have a different experience with her, and that's ok). plus, i nursed until he self-weaned, which didn't happen until he was 31 months, so i had 6 months of my body completely back to myself before ttc again (wish that had been longer!).

he's really a small person at 4, very independent. he can dress, bathe and feed himself. he can do things for me and for the baby and i can trust that he's not going to destroy something or hurt himself when i'm not paying attention. this is all to say, with a 4yr age difference, i have a lot more time to pay attention to the new baby. 

another advantage to a 4yr spread - only one crossover year of daycare/ preschool expense and only one kid in college at a time.

we are talking about a 3rd and i'd like to do it sooner than later since i'm already mid-30s, but for all the reasons above, we'll probably wait another 3 years before ttc.

special382

#1 and #2 are just shy of 3 years apart.  The age difference was awesome!  #2 and #3 are just shy of 2 years apart.  The age difference was a lot harder.

amh_navyblue

Originally we hoped to have the kids about 2 years apart...that was not meant to be and I have to say I'm pretty happy the way it worked out.  Our DDs are about 40 months apart and I think it made a lot of things easier--DD#1 has been very helpful with her little sister (so great when DD#2 was a newborn to be able to say--can you get Mommy...) and like pps have said, it was great that DD#1 was already potty trained, could do a lot of things herself and had some sense of what was going on.  But even with the 3+year age difference, the girls already like to play together.  And I figure they will be close enough to relate to each other, but far enough apart in school to have some separation and individual identity.

Yes the downside was that we had just gotten used to a little more freedom and flexibility, but overall I feel good about the experience.

In terms of housing and expenses for day care--while I was pregnant with #2, we moved from a 2 bedroom condo we were renting into a 3 bedroom condo that we bought, but the girls share a room since we needed the 3rd bedroom to be an office.  For the time being it works...our ultimate goal is to be in a single family house by the time both girls are in elementary school and homework is an issue.  Day care is a PITA, but it's hard to get around if you're going to have more than one kid and both parents work outside the home.  Again, as pps said (I think it was on this post...but maybe I'm confusing it with one of the earlier posts about multiple kids), even once the kids are in school, it's not free...once you count the before and afterschool care, the summer camps (while school is not in session) and all the school breaks and service days, you're still shelling out some cash.

GL!

Sofka

I'm 3 yrs older than my sister and I knew I did not want that age difference for my kids; we did not get along til our 20s, maybe it was the age difference, maybe it was our different personalities/temperaments but that's what I wanted - less than 3 yrs apart.

Age was also a factor as I got married at 32 and had #1 at 34.5. DD and DS are 20mo apart. I'm almost 8mo into it and while it's hard, I know it's going to get easier and I'm glad for the age difference. DD will never remember being an only child, they'll be into some of the same things but being different genders, will hopefully not be as competitive with e.o. When we go on vacations, we won't have to worry about one kid being old enough/tall enough to go on rides while the other one isn't; plus they'll have similar interests, i.e.: they'll be into Thomas around the same age, into Mickey, etc etc

I really really wanted twins but they don't run in my family so I knew it wasn't likely. But I'd rather have it be hard together than be hard, then easy, then hard again. I know if I had waited til DD was dressing herself, taking herself on the potty, etc etc - I would not want to the newborn stage again.

right now they both still nap. It would be unfair for at least one baby if the older one had to miss out on activities b/c the younger one has to nap or I would miss out on the older one's activities b/c I'd be nursing (this happens anyway but to a lesser extent) or for the younger one to always be dragged to where the older one's activities are.

there is no perfect age difference IMO but this is what I wanted and was lucky to get.

as to daycare, DD was with grandma for 18mo, now she's in F/T daycare, while DS is with grandma. In another 18mo or so he'll go to daycare too and that'll be a financial strain but we are not having anymore so we'll be able to swing it.

 

ElissaKelley

#1 and #2 are 20 months apart which I love and was actually really easy for me because #1 is a really really good kid.  #2 and #3 are 26 months apart.  #3 is only a week old but this has been a little difficult because #2 is starting to potty train and he is somewhat of a handful.  It may have more to do with his personality than the actual age gap.

We had a plan for 3 kids before we even had #1 (in regards to where they would sleep, if we were financially able, etc.)  I think that's kind of important (not necessarily to plan for that many but for each one) because it takes a load of stress off of you if you know ahead of time what you can afford, where baby will sleep, if you have the space, etc.