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Parenting
s/o is it ok for dc to hit a kid, if dc is hit first?
To me encouraging a kid to fight back just because they are hit first is not the best choice. I understand defending yourself but why can't that be talking to the kid or more importantly for school age kids to tell an adult?
As a former teacher, if there were kids fighting in the hallway it didn't matter who hit first. They both got in trouble and sent to ISS for the rest of the day and 2 days after that. I would never think that was ok for my dd.
Madelyn 3/1/07
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This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o is it ok for dc to hit a kid, if dc is hit first?
The kid who hits back *may* be less wrong, but it is still wrong. Heck, the kid who hits back *may* be more wrong given the situation.
No hitting. No biting. No pinching/scratching/pulling hair/etc.
I figured that was just common sense.
totally agree
No hitting is never okay.
When I taught Jr. High kids with emotional disturbances this came up all the time. The kids all thought it was okay to hit back, hell all their parents told them it was. When there was a fight at our school the cops were called and both kids got tickets, it did and does not matter in real life who hits first!
There is no hitting. I don't care who starts it, there is no hitting back. It makes the victim an aggressor. Use words to solve problems, it's what we have to do in the real world.
When age appropriate (maybe 12ish) Kate will know that if absolutely necessary she can hit back to protect herself, if all attempts for her to leave the situation fail.
Christmas 2011
Eh, sometimes you have to stand up for youself. I think most of the children are much too young on this board for this to be effective to teach them, but, yes, when DS gets older, I fully expect that he may get into a fight or two. And, no, I don't think running to tell a teacher is always the best idea. Flame away.
However, at age 4, this isn't something he's ready for yet.
You do realize that not only will there be legal implications of your child gets in a fight at school no matter who hit first but they could also be expelled or suspended right? If so why in the world would you tell a child that this behavior is okay?
I see hitting as a last resort. When I was in HS I was walking down the hall one day to see my neighbor in a fight with another girl. The other girl was the aggressor and got my neighbor to the ground and was kicking her. I would rather my child hit/fight back than to be driven to the ground and kicked.
At this age though, we say hitting is never appropriate and don't allow it.
We talk about this alot with DS. He's gotten in trouble because another kid hit/push/took something from him and he hits as defense. We're trying to push the walk away and tell the teacher thing with him. MH is a firm believer in defending yourself, and he was in quite a few fights in school. I really don't want DS to go down that path. I much prefer a tattle tale or 'coward' to a fighter.
I told our friend's son to hit Joey back. He did. And viola, Joey (who would hit R every time he saw him, sometimes multiple times) stopped hitting him. R had tried to tell him to stop, we told him to stop, etc. He would still do it (not maliciously but anyway). Now, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would tell Joey that hitting back is not ok. How's that for hypocritical?! I'm a whole other ball of wax of issues!
Sometimes talking to the teacher is the WORST thing you can do. Actually, MOST times talking to the teacher is the worst thing you can do. Those that give that advice wear rose colored glasses. It usually makes the taunting/teasing/hitting WORSE. I'm not naive to that and I'll deal with that when that time arises, if it does.
I actually agree with this. But I think teaching it to a preschooler is moronic and a little trashy.
I will teach my DD not to hit first, but I have no problem with her hitting back if she's hit first. DH and I know that she might get in trouble for fighting back, but we won't let her get bullied.
I agree that sometimes talking make sit work and I know that our kids are young now. We really won't know what we will say or do in the future.
We have friends who have a DD who is a hitter. She would hit DD all.the.time. I told DD to hit her back. I fully admit it.
LOL this is just what I was thinking all the kids that I have taught that were told to hit back were very very trashy.
I do understand this, thanks. But I do think there are situations where defending yourself is OK. And if that's going to have legal implications for DS, then that is something we will have to deal with together.
Hitting is not okay. In a life-or-death situation, like you're being strangled or bludgeoned? Sure, fight back, do whatever you have to do. But in any other case, no. Not okay.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
DS got into a very heated argument last year in 2nd grade. His friend said that House of the Dead was a movie, DS insisted it was a video game. Sadly, it came to blows. The other kid hit first and DS hit him back, hard enough to make the kid cry. It ended the fight.
Thank God we live in a rational school district. The principal talked to the boys, they shook on it and are friends again. Neither kid was punished.
I didn't tell DS he was right or wrong for hitting back. I didn't say anything about it. I told him I was sad that he argued with a friend and I hope they could work it out. But I was secretly very proud of him for fighting back, and being effective enough to end the fight.
Of course you don't teach that to toddlers and preschoolers. And there can be dangerous situations with bullies. But the most common situation is going to be kids being kids. Kids are aggressive. There's no way around that. I used to fight with my friends all the time and we'd lay there panting and sweating afterwards, still friends.
For preschoolers, no. We have a nephew who's aggressive. DD1 finally hit him back this weekend and she got a time out for it even though he had hit her first (and a few times before that, not to mention the things he did to my younger DD too). We always try to intervene when they're together and always give her a pep talk before she sees him that she is to get one of us if he hits her and we don't see it. A big reason she got the time out though was to make an example of her - they NEVER discipline him when he hits my kids.
Deep down? I was proud that she stood up for herself. But hitting is still not ok.
lovely ....kids that you teach were very very trashy. well now that's full of class right there.
When my stepson was 14 he moved in with us. He was the new kid at school and he had some trouble. He was on the hockey team and they regularly picked on, pushed, hit and excluded him. This went on for a few months. One day another kid punched him in the locker room. My stepson punched him back. After that, none of the kids gave him any trouble.
Inappropriate for preschoolers? Absolutely. But in my stepson's situation it worked.