Couple of questions
Our first living son is too young to have a discussion about where he came from, but I'm working on a project for babies of gay families and wanted to get some ideas from everyone else. Any thoughts are very much appreciated!
Lesbians:
- If you used a known donor, what do you call him when talking to your children?
- If you used an unknown donor, how much do you plan to tell your children about what you know about him?
Gay Men:
- If you used a surrogate, what do you call her when talking to your children?
We used an unknown donor, and we plan to tell D that his mommies wanted to have a baby very much, and they got some help and had him. When he's old enough to ask about that help, we'll just tell him that there are men out there who know how much some people want babies and they help them have them (something like that--dude, we need to figure it out before he gets to that point!). We also have extensive health records on him and are signed up on the sibling registry in case he wants to find his siblings later.
Anyway, the point is, we used an unknown sperm donor, so he's not a daddy or an uncle-whatever or anything...
Wow--new-fangled families are hard to describe! 
P.S. Guess we should figure out how to explain to D that his brother and sister percolating inside Mom are his half-brother and sister, and what that means. Suddenly very glad he's only two.
Re: Couple of questions
Well, I think that the language will evolve as the kids get older and we need to explain more. They haven't started asking yet - but it probably won't be long. We'll start out by saying that a man that we don't know gave us a gift of his sperm so we could have them. As they get older, we'll be calling him the donor and giving them what (little) information we have as they ask/are curious. Because we used an anonymous donor, they won't' have the option to contact him, but will have the option to meet siblings if they so choose.
Our DUO is not here yet they are still baking ( almost 13weeks) and we have this discussion on a regular Basis.
We will refer to him as THE DONOR and we will also tell them that a man we did not know helped us. Our Donor is willing to be known so when they are old enough they will be able to contact him once if they choose.
We will explain to them from the get go. We actually explain now and they are not even born yet ( practice makes perfect). We also know if we have more children that want to use the same donor ( VERY IMPORTANT TO US ) so that they will be half siblings.
As they get older I imagine the language will change and more info will be disclosed to them. We have a folder for them when the time is right and they can review all the information we have on the donor and the baby pictures we have of the donor as well.
What was really interesting to me is that lots of Hetero families that use Donor sperm don't typically disclose to this to their children. Read a great book
https://www.amazon.com/Mommies-Daddies-Donors-Surrogates-Answering/dp/1593851332 ( sorry its not clicky )
- Jay & Melanie
our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
We have a known donor and he is as anonymous as an unknown one. He is a friend of mine but not a close one, a co-worker actually (tell me who awkward that was when I was huge walking around the office since no one knew but me and him). I send him pictures (interoffice mail since he switched buildings) and emaills for updates to how she is doing and that is the end of it. He wants nothing to do with being an "uncle" or what have you.
Before she is old enough to realize that no daddy is a biological issue more of a why does so and so have a mommy and a daddy issue, we plan on focusing on how she has two mommies, some kids have just one mommy, some have a mommy, daddy, and stepmommoy, etc and that all families are different and that is okay.
When she is old enough to understand that two mommies cannot make a baby we plan on telling her something similar to what you have outlined. That some men know two mommies need help making a baby and they give them that help. Yeah the wording is rough but when she is old enough to realize two women cannot make a baby without some outside help we will have it down.
I'm not a lesbian, but my parents are so I'd like to join the conversation anyway. :-)
My situation is a little different, but I'll explain and give my input and it might be useful to your project.
I am 23, my parents have been together for 25 years. They did not go through any type of IF with me, at this time, long ago, they didn't have much family support and were forced apart for a few months to try to prove to family that they weren't together anymore. During this time... I happened! YAY I know who my Dad is, however when I was 2, he moved to Japan and 10 years after that, he moved to California. I never had a relationship with him during that time aside from cards on holidays and birthdays. I knew my family consisted of my moms.
My parents got me a book called "Heather Has Two Mommies." It actually is about IF, but my parents got it because my name is Heather. :-) Great book though, references different types of families.
In my opinion on your questions...
at a young age, kids will only have questions like "Johnny has a Mommy and a Daddy, where's my Daddy?" That's when you can talk about how all families are different and some people have a grandmom or just a mom or just a dad, step moms, step dads, foster families, etc... and explain that your LO is lucky enough to have two people who love him/her very much.
As they get older, and not much older, they're going to hear the word "gay" and they're going to be ready to learn more. I teach first grade and I hear kids that little already use the word and have no idea what it means, it infuriates me.
When I was in second grade, I wanted to bring my friend over so bad, but my mom was always nervous that parents would be uncomfortable, so she explained to me that not all families were like ours and they she would need to call and talk to their parents first to make sure they were okay with it.
p.s. on most occasions, my mom would refer to him as "the sperm donor" or his name, to push away the idea of befriending him. When I was 18, I did make the choice to contact him and since then we e-mail and he attended my wedding, it in no way affected my relationship with my parents.
p.s. there are tons of great children's books that would be helpful in explaining!!
Hope that was helpful!