PLEASE, help me deal with being an "older" mom...

pregaftertubal

I have 3 girls, two of which are teenagers.  I feel like they got to experience the "best" of me while I was young.   Also, (hopefully) I will be able to be here for them when they get married, have kids, grandkids, etc.  BUT, I'm very afraid and sad that I won't be able to go through some of these milestones with my LO.   I'm so sad that my last one will be cheated out of having her parents around for these things.  Hopefully, she will always be close with her older sisters and they will watch out for her.  Thankfully, we are a very tightly knit family! 

How have you ladies handled these emotions?

Pearly609

Looking at the ages of your children, there are some us on here with kids well into there 20's such as myself and we completely understand your feelings.  In the beginning I use to think that it's sad I won't have the energy and my LO won't have the siblings to bond with, but this baby will have what they didn't.  A mom with a stable home and patience. 

Try not to look at what the LO won't have but what it will.  With our older children, we were trying to figure it out, establish a home and jungle either going to school and career or the fears of parenting.  A walk in the park for us older moms now.   Hang in there and enjoy the moments that so many pray for.  Hey after watching TLC's pregnant at 70, I didn't feel so bad anymore.

Best of luck!

LauraLynneC

Fortunately, I come from a long line of strong genetics - and a family full of "older" moms.  My relatives all live past their 90's, most into their 100's.  So I have no concept of an early mortality.  I full expect to be not only a grandmother but a great grandmother (God willing).  My Grandparents are alive and kicking - living independantly at 93 & 95.  They even still drive safely. 

My mom was 43 when she had my sister and is still keeping up with her at age 24.  My aunt was 44 & 45 when she had my last 2 cousins and was a great mom to them - so I have plenty of role models.

my husband's family, on the other hand, have a history of dying around age 60 - so he is having the same feelings you are.  He feels badly that this child may have to experience a parental death at a (relatively) young age. 

chance_encounters

Ok along with being a mother to a 7 & 11 year old I am a girl scout troop leader.  I have a variety of parents.  Although yes the younger parents have more energy they tend to be less patient than my older parents. The older parents sit down and stay at the meetings and help.  They have alot more patience with their kids and yell ALOT less.  (I have seen this through my daughters cheer team too).  So you have an advantange being an older mom. 1. you know what to expect 2. you know what things are imporant and what things to let go of 3. you have the patience.  So try not to stress yourself out.  You will give your child the love the need/want and deserve!!

ciarhwyfar

My older daughter (21)  grew up with some of her cousins so they had plenty of within age interaction. The two year old doesn't have that options since the little ones are all on the other side of the country. That is partly why we are trying for this one more baby. I am 42.

 My paternal grandparents are both 90 and still very much with it and live in their own apartment in a senior community. We visited them summer of 2009. I knew three of my four great-grandmothers and at least one of my great-grandfathers. Barring accidents, I think it fairly safe to expect I will be around for many of life's milestones.

We do what we can, prepare for the worst, and live for today.

mcwhittaker

Your question is an interesting one.

I'm 40, just now having my first and only child.

I lost my father 6 years ago, he was killed while riding his motorcycle to work by a man now serving 6.5 years for manslaughter.

My aunt, only 57, died 6 months later due to brain cancer.

My daughter will never get to know her grandfather.

My cousin's two daughters born since then never got to meet their grandmother.

You don't have to give birth late in life to be impacted by loss of family.

Dwelling on things you have no control over isn't productive.

I like to think how much wiser I will be as a 40 year old mother, knowing and experiencing so much more of life than I would have been in my 20's.

Lets face it, the 20 somethings like to think they are all grown up, but they're just babies with a lot of life experience to gain still.  

Peppernut

My parents had my younger sister and me when they were in their forties.  Growing up, I loved that my parents were so much more stable than other people's parents, AND they had the BEST stories from their lives before we came along.  They didn't panic over the small stuff.  My mom is in her eighties and healthy, and my dad passed away when he was 69.  There's just no way to know what the future holds, and there are advantages and disadvantages to every age.  

SFAug07

My mom had me when she was 26 and passed away when she was 49. She never got to meet her granddaughter by a long shot. I plan to be around for a long time but there is no way of knowing - my sister passed away at 39. Just give your children all the love you can, no matter what age.

tnleigh

I'm pregnant with my first (and probably only) at 36 and my DH is 38.  I do worry about that, but then again I know I am so much more stable in my life now and able to provide a much better home than I could have if I'd had children super early.

kristennd

I'm 39 but that hasn't been a concern for me. Maybe the fact this is my first makes it less vivid? But like other posters have said, the women on both sides of my family tend to make it past 95 so I don't expect to miss much. Having the energy for it all, on the other hand....

Strunella

I often think about this as well.  Not only are DH and I older parents, but we both have very small families.  LO has one aunt and will not have any cousins.  Once DH and I are gone, he will literally have no family (assuming he is not married yet).  I don't want him to be alone in the world, so we are going to start trying for #2 as soon as we can.  I'm 41 though, so not sure if another baby will pan out...we're just keeping our fingers crossed. 

srhartline

I just turned 43 and am also an older mom.  This pregnancy for my husband and I was a total suprise. I must confess that it was hard for me to adjust to. I think I was in a daze for the first month and a half not quite believing that it was true.  I thought I was past the baby stage of my life.  My husband and I have 4 children ages 21, 19, 17, and 14. So you see another baby was not planned on.  The turning point for me was to see how happy my children were when we told them.  My oldest even said to me that she was willing to stay home a semester of college to help me out. Which meant alot to me as she is in her last year of college when this LO will be born. Even my husband is looking forward to this one. He tells me that he can't wait to have him (its a boy) run to my DH as he walks in the door from work yelling, "Daddy, Daddy"!

Don't dwell on how old you are and embrace the chance to be young again with this little one.  The joy a baby can bring to your life is priceless!  And now you have an excuse to visit Disney World all you want!

pregaftertubal

Thanks guys!  I am SOO hanging onto this post, I know it's going to help me and my DH (he's having an even harder time than I am about his age).  I too, have had 95+ great grandmothers and my grandma is almost 90, all on my moms side.  So that is definately uplifting.  You all pointed out some very vivid points and I will definately take them to heart!  Our LO will be lucky, in that I am 4 and 8 years older than my siblings and they are still having babies.  So she will def. grow up knowing her cousins-yay!!! 

Thanks guys, your awesome