Pls help me through terrible 2s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Septmomtobe

I must have lucked out with DS#1 because he never went through the terrible 2s.  Never had a temper tantrum.  Was and still is an easy child (if you look past the acid reflux issues as an infant and speech delay currently).

DS#2 is the exact opposite.  I don't know if you call them temper tantrums but we call them his fits.  If you tell him no or don't give him something he wants, he stomps his feet and yells no and usually will try to (or succeed) in hitting you (not hard but still).  We've done time out both in his room and in a chair (both ways are with a timer set at a minute per year).  The chair is the prefered way but there are times when his fits get bad that we use his bedroom (I don't like this idea but we do what we need to do). I'd say 80-90% of the time the time out works and he comes out much calmer and returns to his normal happy self. Other times (like last night) it literally took a good 15 minutes in time out before he would stop screaming when I let him out of time out. 

He also tends to be worse with me but will also do it for my DH.  Some background, I work and am out of the house for 11 hours per day. DH works from home so clearly spends more time with him.  I've really seen it escalate in the last 2 months.  I had been laid off of work in mid September and just returned to work in early December so clearly there's probably some separation anxiety which is why I tend to get the brunt of the fits.  For the time I was unemployed (almost 3 months) I was home all day with him and now as I said I'm gone typically before he even wakes up and I get about 2.5.-3 hours with him at night.

Thoughts? He turns 3 in late March but I'm just not seeing an end to this any time soon.  I feel my patience slipping with him because I just don't know what to do.

He is on target with all his developmental milestones and was at a pediatrician recently so there is nothing medically wrong that could be causing him discomfort.

TIA
Heather

jlw2505

Just as a warning, I have found that 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 to be the hardest with my kids.  My older DD was a late talker and has a sever speech delay and a lot of her tantrums had to do with her frustration in communication.  She is now 4 1/2 and will still have tantrums although they are way easier to get her out of.  My little one will be 3 in March and is the world's most stubborn child.  I read the books Love and Logic and 1-2-3 Magic and use things from both of them.  I set very clear expectations (for example, you need to pick up the toys before we do xyz.  I then tell my younger DD exactly what to pick up, my older DD doesn't need that kidn of direction anymore).  If I see her not doing what I have asked, I will remind her again and sometimes tell her that I will help her once I see her start.  If she starts to act out/have a tantrum/or just ignore me, I start counting very slowly.  1, 2 ,3.  I don't talk in-between counting.  If we get to 3, she gets a time out.  Time outs are on a step at home or in the girls bedrooms if they are out of control.  I shut their doors and stand outside.  Once I hear them calm down, I open the door and tell them they can come out when they are ready.  The huge key is being very consistent in everything.  My kids know that one I start counting, I mean business and I often never get to 2 anymore.  My little one gets into hitting and in my house, hitting equals a time out and that one is often in the bedroom alone.  If we are out in public, I have no problem picking up my child and walking out to the car and letting them have their tantrum in  the car.  I don't even try and talk my kids out of the tantrum, I have learned that ignoring them makes it end faster.  I swear, my older DD sometimes just needs to have the tantrum and get it out of her system - burning energy!  It can be hard but this phase will pass.