Anatomy scan revealed more...

iamrobyn

So I'm 21 weeks and we headed in to do our anatomy scan today (very first ultrasound). I was super excited to find out the gender of the baby and a little nervous since we didn't have the first trimester screening that the technician may notice something out of the ordinary.  My husband was very excited too!  Well, this is what I get for wanting so badly to know the gender so we'd only have to pick one color and one name.  Yeah, you guessed it. We're having twins.  The OB at the ultrasound clinic told us it's rare in this day and age to be telling someone for the first time that they're having twins. I haven't been able to stop crying since they told us. And its not I'm so happy/crying in a good way. It's uncontrollable terrified oh my god kinds of tears.  I'm having a hard time moving past the shock and don't even know where to start.  It's a miracle, and I'm very blessed. All these rational thoughts I have but still can't stop the crying.  I'm also annoyed that we didn't know this sooner, terrified of how my body will deal with this since I'm already predisposed for gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, and worried that I'll not be able to care for 2 babies.  Compounded by the fact that my husband is still giddy and I can't reciprocate any of his excitement at this point.  So not only do I feel like a bad mother to my unborn but also a terrible wife and generally bad person.  Thanks for reading, I just needed to get this off my chest and find a way to start processing this...the biggest shock of my life.... 

SethandMelissa

For what it's worth, my husband and I just found out that we're having twins this week. Granted we're 8 weeks, but we had no reason to believe we'd have twins - no fertility drugs, no genetic background of it, etc. I've flip flopped between being happy about the idea and being down right terrified. Mine are identical (altho not confirmed until Tuesday) so it's higher risk than normal twins because they share the same sac. Plus, I was already high risk because of my autoimmune diseases. I was thinking that my first u/s would make me feel calmer, but it made me more worried.

I'm no doctor, but there has to be some comfort in knowing that you're past your first trimester, speaking from someone who isn't, and your sadness is probably just out of concern for the well-being of your children. I always wanted to space out my kids so we could have babies a few times throughout our marriage, but life says no. I'm just going to have to trust that it's all for the best and you know you'll love both your miracles once you come along. Maybe you'll get twice the shower gifts! Just give it time to sink in and you'll find happiness in it. Not that you'll stop worrying, but you'll settle into it!

sandsandmore

I found out we were having twins at a 13 week NST scan. It was a shock. My husband was more giddy and excited that I was....I was terrified, shocked, petrified for about a week. It wore off and the excitement returned. It's still scary as hell, but it gets better!

amanda31H

First Congratulations! Having twins is so much fun!  Did you find out gender?  I might have missed that in your post..... 

I found out at almost 14 weeks and had pretty much the same reaction.  I was in complete shock and burst into tears.  I was spotting, which is why I went in.  Otherwise, I wouldn't have had an u/s until around 22 weeks...I am so thankful to this day for that spotting!

Welcome to the board.  It's incredibely useful, I've found the women on here to be very supportive, informed, and generous.  Get Dr. Luke's book "When your Expecting Twins..." that was very helpful to me and DH during my pregnancy.

KarlsSweetie05

We found out really early 5 weeks and we were still shocked.  Your post brought back memories of that day and it was the exact same thing I felt.  I could have written your post that day.

I can't imagine being 21 weeks and finding out.  It's going to take a week or two to sink in.  Give yourself time.  Its a major adjustment and you're going to feel a range of emotions throughout the rest of the pg - ups and downs. But it does get better.

April320

Congratulations!  The shock/anxiety/fear is totally normal.  My husband and I could hardly speak after we found out we were having twins (and we went through IF treatments, so we knew it was a possibility).  I'm sure the shock is even greater finidng out so far into your pregnancy (we found out at 6 weeks), but eventually, the shock does wear off and you will be excited.  We still have moments of anxiety over caring for two infants, but mostly we're thrilled and very, very excited to meet our babies.

Also, I recommend picking up Dr. Barbara Luke's Book "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads" - it's a great resource, especially on nutrition (although I don't believe anyone can actually eat as much as she recommends).

floridakat

Congrats! Once things settle down, you will in fact realize that this is occasion to celebrate.

pea-kay

Welcome to the club!

Everyone is freaked out at first, but you'll come around. It definitely takes some getting used to, the idea of having more than one baby at once. I think most of us here were terrified when we found out, no matter when it happened. There is a mourning period for your loss of the "normal" pregnancy and birth and infancy, so take time to acknowledge and move past that.

missfire

I found out at our 20-week ultrasound too. Go easy on yourself regarding your emotions -- you may have a whole lot of ups and downs from now on! It's scary to suddenly learn you have a high-risk pregnancy, perhaps more to manage in regards to that, and a LOT more to buy and prepare for two babies.

I'm getting pretty close to their birth now, and I have to say, now I've had enough time to process all this. What helped me was to write down a lot in the beginning (questions I had, things I needed to buy or research, etc), join the local Mothers of Multiples organization and find out what services and support they offer, and read this board and the books people recommended.

I have been seeing a high-risk doctor, and through their testing have found more and more reasons why this pregnancy is high-risk (blood clotting disorder, GD, high blood pressure, etc). Each one has taken some adjustment time for me, but over time, it's just becoming my new normal. I'm sure all the challenges of raising multiples will be the same way!

JosiePosy

((HUGS)) I remember that feeling of dread and terror. We found out much sooner than you did, but I think we've all been there.

FWIW, it seems to pass for most everybody. My girls are almost 4 weeks old now and still in the hospital, but nothing in this world means more to me than they do. All of the worries I had about raising two babies have been overshadowed by my desire to just get them home.

Give yourself some time and cut yourself some slack. It's huge news and you just found out. Make sure your medical team stays on top of things and take care of yourself. It will all be worth it.

MuseumMaven

I completely relate to how you're feeling!  I found out early - 7 weeks - because I was having spotting.  When the u/s tech said, "There are two!"  I actually said, "two what?"  My DH was also over the moon from the beginning, and I was incredibly stressed.  I must admit, I'm still worried, but I try to remember this:  MANY women have had twins.  They have healthy babies, they manage to get through the first few months of newborn babies, etc.  If they can do it, you can, too.  It will be ok.  And believe it or not, you will start to feel excited at some point! 

This board is a great resource - I've learned so much from the experienced MoMs on here!

#1_BadgeBunny

pea-kay:

Welcome to the club!

Everyone is freaked out at first, but you'll come around. It definitely takes some getting used to, the idea of having more than one baby at once. I think most of us here were terrified when we found out, no matter when it happened. There is a mourning period for your loss of the "normal" pregnancy and birth and infancy, so take time to acknowledge and move past that.

First CONGRATS! I also found out late at 21 weeks our 1st u/s!!! We were extremely surprised!

Secondly... I agree with what pea-kay said.  There is def a mourning period.  heck im still in it! This is a great board! GL!!!

natb22

I know exactly how you feel because I felt the same way when we first found out. We did the 12 week NT scan so we knew at 12 weeks but it was still just as shocking as it would have been now (24 weeks)

When the u/s tech first told us twins, we both were in shock, we did the usual "your kidding right" response, but indeed she was not! It took me weeks to come to terms with it. I do feel blessed, we both do, we are both So excited to be having twins, but the unexepected news definately made me a little sad those first few weeks thinking how impossible it must be to take care of two infants. I felt awful for feeling that way, but you can't help how you feel.

Of course now I realize it is NOT impossible, and the ladies here are SO supportive and have SO much advice to give that it really put me at ease. I know now we CAN do it, and we will do it, and it will be fantastic. I can't wait for both of my girls to come so we can start holding them and kissing them, and getting up at 2am with them

I know it will be hard, but my mom loves to tell me God never gives you more then you can handle, and I have to believe that because we'll need all the support we can get!

 Good luck!!

iamrobyn

You're all so kind and I appreciate the encouragement.  I think the shock of it all has dominated and the added pressure of feeling bad because I can't be as excited as my husband right this second.  He's trying very hard to be understanding! 

One thing you've mentioned that really hit home is that I have to allow myself time to "mourn" for the loss of my single pregnancy. All those thoughts and plans are out the window.  Right now I'm trying very hard to stop beating myself up about feeling bad and just allowing myself to cry knowing that I'll be able to move on soon and let the excitement come back into my life and before long I won't even remember why I feel this way!

 Thanks again ladies - I'm sure I'll be lurking around with many more questions in the upcoming weeks.

iamrobyn

amanda31H:

First Congratulations! Having twins is so much fun!  Did you find out gender?  I might have missed that in your post..... 

 I didn't mention in my original post but yes, they were able to tell gender. One's a boy and one's a girl! 

caitdana

Like PP, it really is a shock for everyone to hear it was 2. I knew in my head that I was having twins because I started to gain weight asap. No one, not even DH believed me. But, I was still shocked to confirm it. DH was so excited and just giddy and I was terrified. DH's giddiness was traded in for worry when he found out it was 2 girls. It is an amazing experience and you will be blessed but it will take some work!

smit3807

Congrats again!  Glad you found your way over here.  I've found this board to be exteremely helpful.

leviandlandensmom

Congrats! I can't imagine finding out over half-way through my pregnancy it was twins. I found out at 7 weeks and it took me months to process it. Good luck! It's not as hard as you'd think and it is so awesome when you have two babies smiling and cooing at you

katsblaze

First welcome and congratulations.  Like PP have said, it is always a shock regardless of when you find out, and it does take a couple of weeks to really sink in.  Trust me, once you get past that you will realize it is the best thing ever.  Being a MoM is amazing and a journey.  Keep your chin up, hang in there and don't be afraid to ask questions. The ladies on this board are amazing, and we have all been there at one time or another.

iamrobyn

I went out and picked up a copy of Dr. Luke's book first thing this morning - after I recovered from another tearful session with my husband - and have been reading all day. Many of the things I was trying to explain to him that had me so concerned are covered and I have the chapter on the 5 stages marked for him to read immediately when he gets home. Overall though, much better today, in no small part to your encouragement and helping me know I'm not alone!