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Parenting
stephsteph77
member
Honestly wondering...
stephsteph77
member
in Parenting
If you go to a birthday party for twins, you buy a gift for each child. If you invite twins to a party for one child, do they bring one gift? Or does each twin give a gift? I would think they bring just one, but after talking to some others I'm not sure. What would you expect?
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Re: Honestly wondering...
They are their own being right? I mean, siblings. So if Joey and Cam were invited to a party, I would bring one gift from Joey and one from Cam (unless of course I increased the cost of the price of the gift and did one joint one from both of them -- which is what I normally do). So I would do the same with twins.
For baby twins (ie: first birthday) I would probably just bring one gift, but when they are older (and understand "opening gifts" I bring one for each).
2 of DD's best friends in the neighborhood are twins and we started bringing 2 gifts for their 3rd birthdays.
Twins party = 2 gifts
Twins invited to a party = 1 gift. I'd assume 1 gift per family, regardless of the # of kids. If I invited my friend to DD's bday party, I wouldn't expect her 6 kids to each buy my DD a gift.
Christmas 2011
We are going to a party in Feb for the twins in DS class. I will buy one slightly less expensive gift per child.
I would assume that twins invited to a party would bring one gift from both.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Going to twin's birthday party = 2 gifts (one per child) or one big gift to be used by both of them.
Twins coming to my kids party = 1 gift. (All three of my kids are invited to most parties or at least the girls. I always only bring one gift. My friends do the same for my kids. I assume one gift per family though for us, I do try to buy something a little bigger when both my girls and/or all three kids are going because I know the host(ess) is paying a bit more for food or whatever for the extra kid.)
We vary - yes each get their own gift (unless it is a joint gift - like they got a Mega Bloks table for Christmas). When we go to other parties, I usually take into consideration the family (if the party invite was for the whole family)....like if they have 4 kids like us, I'd still spend the average amount. If they just have 1 child, I spend about double.....does that make sense? Like for Christmas, one of my bffs sent each kid a gift that was in the $10-12 range. We spent about $40 for her one child.
We haven't gotten to the point of school parties (and the twin factor), but I forsee getting 2 gifts for the birthday child (one from each twin) or one that is about dbl the normal amount. That said, once they really get in school, I doubt they'll both always be invited....mainly due to the gender difference, but also because it's already apparent that their personalities are vastly different - I think they'll be in totally different 'friend circles.'
so, they get the shaft because they happen to have birthdays on the same day?
If you went to two parties in one day, for kids in different families, would you do that?
Yea, I was wondering about that too Lari.
I mean, you have joint parties for your kids right? So should they get something of lesser value b/c you had their party on the same day?
This is why I feel bad for my girls.
My own family does this and its sucks so bad. Ls bday is May 13th. Their bday is May 24th. They buy L a nice present and I can tell they spent less on the girls gift. (Im pretty familiar with most toys out there because we spend a lot of time in the toy aisle in WM and Target just to waste time during the winter)
Why not just buy them 1 gift to share if you are going to shaft them anyways.
I try to hard to raise my girls as individuals and yet everyone else just groups them together as 1 person.
2 kids twins or not 2 gifts of equal value that you would spend on any other bday party gift. So if your dc is invited to a bday part of a singleton and you normally spend $20 then buy 2 $20 presents. Really...how many twin bday parties are you going to be attending? How is it fair to only buy them a $10 gift...they cant help that they are twins.
When my girls were invited to a bday party they each took a present in the $20 range. That is the amount I always spend on bday presents. We havent been invited to many so its not a big deal now. When they are older and there is one every weekend I may lower it to $15. But they will always both take one. If all 3 are invited we take one per child as well. They arent expected to share a piece of cake, a treat bag etc so I take a present from each.
ETA: We have only been to 1 party where all 3 were invited and 1 where the girls were invited. We go to church with the bday girl so I felt they should each take a gift. Plus they didnt agree on what to buy her so they each picked something out. When we get into school parties where I dont know the kids they may only take one present. Not there yet so I cant say.
As for the party that all 3 went to it was another church friend that we know well.
Speaking as a mom of twins:
My kids usually get 2 separate gifts, largely because of the gender difference, I suppose. When they were babies they occasionally got something to share, like a music table, but not usually.
When we go to a party for another child, I either let each twin choose a gift in the normal price range (up to about $20,) or if they start looking at more expensive things, I let them get something as long as they agree on it.
Like Jetta, I try to consider the family and fairness as well. Right now, they have almost all the same friends and have invited the same friends to their parties. In general, I take as many gifts as I do children. It feels wrong to take one gift to a party when I know that family had to buy 2 for my kids. With Adam so close in age, the twins' friends are his friends too, so if he is also invited to a birthday, he also brings a gift. Avery went to one girls only, princess party last month, and for that, we took one gift because she was the only one there.
I question Lari's logic as well.
We just went to a twin party last week and I bought two gifts because they are two separate kids, I can't imagine shafting them on the amount because they happen to be born to the same family. I spend $20 on classmate gifts so they each got a $20 gift if it was two different kids from different families that is what i would spend so that is what I do. How sad to think that people would not do that for twins.
If I invite kids right now it is basically a whole family I invite so i expect one gift per familly for my kids.
Do you really think that in real life people care if I spend $17-18 per gift instead of $25? Perhaps it's not in my budget to spend $50 on birthday gifts, but every other kid in class is going to be there. I am not having my kid be the only one in his class who doesn't attend, because of the stupid gift that they won't even remember a month from now.
Shafting them would be no gift at all. Not all of us have unlimited budgets, which gets forgotten a whole lot around here.
"How sad..." Get over yourself.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
then lower your budget for all the kids....so you're buying $20 gifts all year, rather than $25 for some and $17 for some.
I admit it would hurt my feelers to see you give my kids something less than little Johnny got 2-3 weeks before. Would I say something? Of course not.
I haven't encountered it but I'm trying to figure out how the above is any different than what Lari is doing?
Are we really arguing over how much people spend on presents? Do people really pay attention (and remember) to how much each person spends on other children's birthday presents? There have been times where I couldn't afford more than $10 on a birthday present. I certainly hope that parent didn't remember that for 6 months later when I spent $15-20 on another child.
I see the point, but I can't believe this is what the nest judges today.
Its not really on how much you spend on presents for other kids but if you shaft twins by cutting what you would normally spend for 1 kid to buy 2 presents. Slightly different.
Im not judging....just giving my opinion on it from a MoMs perspective.
I'm irritated at the logic. Because they share a birthday, they get less. They didn't choose to be born on the same day. I know it will probably be the story of their life, and it's my job to counteract that and explain why they each got the cheapo Barbie that has clothes painted on and Susie else got the Vet Barbie with a pet.
I'm saying - if you can't go equal (because we all know there's little thought put into classmate gifts....right? we barely know their names) then lower it for everyone.
I guess I haven't been there yet - we haven't had any classmate parties. Something silly to get caught up on (and I'm not going crazy about it for sure)...but maybe only something you really think about when you are in that position.
ETA: And Lari specifically said she'd spend "slightly less" on twin gifts. She didn't say that they were in a bind and would be spending less. The reason to spend less was that it was twins. Of course, if you don't have it to spend, then you don't have it and do whatever you can.
But in this situation she is trying to spend the same on the family as they spend on her. Like if my brother had 1 kid and I had 5 kids and we only bought kid presents for Christmas I would feel weird if I only spent $20 and yet he spent $100...not sure I would buy the one child a $100 gift but if I could afford it I would do something extra even if it was a gift for my brother.
I do think that it sucks if kids get less b/c they share a birthday, it is not about the cost of the gift but the principal just like if you birthday was on Christmas you would not want your parents to only buy you one gift and call it a day.
I honestly dont think people will understand until they see their own child get shafted because the mere fact that they are twins. My MIL was horrible about this at first. She would buy something for L (tell me the cost..she always does) and then buy something half that for each of the girls. So if what she bought L was $30 she would buy them each something for $15. Why is that fair? Why not just buy them each something for $15. Or take the amount you want to spend and divide it 3 ways. So if you want to stay under $60 buy them something for $20 each.
While I understand what the MoMs in this post are saying, this exactly. Kids don't remember who gave them what. I promise, they won't be comparing. Noah's favorite "Christmas" gift this year was a Buzz Lightyear toy that my sis actually gave him 2 days earlier on his birthday. He has no clue what came from who.
Well, if someone wants to cover the $528 we had to lay out for new tires for DHs car this week, I can get more expensive gifts for the TWO kids that happen to be having a party on the same day. Actually, it doesn't matter that they are twins. It does matter that I am laying out the money for two gifts the same day, which amounts to the same thing.
Or perhaps I should let DH wrap his car around a tree so that I can be totally equal to what I might spend another time.
If people in your own families spend less per gift to your twins, why is it so shocking that a non-family member would?
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
I doubt they would notice, you're right. It is the reasoning of why she spends less.
No one said that. She attached her 'regular' $ amount, then said she spends $7-8 less for twins. The fact that she purposely spends less on the twins because they are twins is what sticks out.
Had she said she buys something she thinks each child will enjoy in the $15-25 range, we'd all be drumming up drama somewhere else.
Sure, no one is entitled a gift, but because a child is a twin doesn't mean they aren't entitled to be treated equally.
I guess the question that I have is if Matthew went to a party for two different classmates parties, one on Saturday and one on Sunday would you spent $25 per kid but if you went to the twin's from school party on Sunday you would only spend $20 each? That is why it sounds wrong. I do not think anyone would judge you if you said that all you could afford is to buy a $10 gift for any classmate's party and honestly you can get a nice gift for $10 at ACMoore using a coupon.
But the other issue that comes up is that if your kid only knows one of the twins do you bring a gift for both kids? Since my kids share a birthday but are not twins I have a unique situation but I do not expect people that only know DS to bring a gift for DD but I REALLY appreciated the people that did.
No, I'd spend less if I had any two parties the same weekend. But the OP was asking about twins, so that's how I answered.
People screw my kids over all the time. Their birthdays are 6 days apart, 3 weeks before Christmas. Do you see me on here moaning about it? No.
And M knows both of the twins. They are in his class at school, which is only 12 kids. Everyone's invited and everyone's going. It's a tight-knit preschool since it's a co-op.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
But I think the only person feeling hurt in this situation is the Mom. The twins each get a gift still, right? They're thrilled! And isn't that what matters? There is no way they notice the difference between a $15 and a $25 gift!
Ha! I will say my greedy little child was counting his presents to make sure he got the same amount as his cousins. It is all about quantity at this age. LOL
this, WOW!
Argh. Kap - sure, it's the mom that gets upset. You're probably right. Because no one likes to see their kids treated differently over something they had no control over.
But it's the REASONING behind it. Because they are twins, they get less. Not because it's a rough time or because that $15 gift seemed better suited for the birthday kid.
I have a December birthday. I never had a family party because it was the holidays. Despite my mom's best efforts, I noticed that my cousin's didn't come to my party, and that my brother's party was a big ol' celebration. Natalie's birthday is always T'giving weekend - some family doesn't come because they just saw us on T'giving. Such is life. But even if they don't recognize at 5-6-7 yrs old, they will when they're 12.
Sigh. Maybe I'm being irrational. whatever. I just hate the logic people have about twins - that they are a 'set' and not individuals. But of course it wasn't something I was really passionate about until about 16 mos ago.