Ugh.. how to decline going out

MaygenDL0ve

My babies are fussy.  They cry loudly at the slightest discomfort, and it can take a while sometimes to figure out what they need.  They HATE their carseats, and going anywhere is usually a scream-fest from both boys.  They will scream bloody murder all the way to the pediatrician, and during the entire appointment, and again all the way home.  Walks in stroller is OUT of the question.  I am basically a stay at home ALL THE TIME MoM for now, until they grow out of this.

So no one seems to understand how hard it is to manage 2 screaming newborns.  Love my other mom friends, but I get invited to bring the boys out to this and that, because "all they do is sleep anyway".  Uhhh...  really?  My own hubby doesn't even get it.  Tonight he's flying so I will be home w/ the babies alone for nearly 18 hours, and will not get to go to the weekly girls night every Monday.  He suggested I bring the boys with me!!  The host also says to bring them along.....  

I have no clue how to keep declining walks/parties/outings without sounding rude.  I'm really a social person, but these babies just want to be at home with me right now!!  It would be one thing if it were just one baby.  But two... anytime I go somewhere with 2 screaming babies I have major panic, and I don't want to impose that on people.  Its as if no one really knows or understands what 2 screaming babies is REALLY LIKE.

GiGi1221

This may not be the case, and I never had to deal with two screaming babies.

But when my boys are fussy they love getting out. New people holding them, new things to look at etc...

So as long as the host invited you and you want to go, I say bring them along and give a whirl- they may surprise, and if everything goes to hell- well get out of there and know you tried!

jennie13

hugs.  I know exactly what it's like.  I have those babies too!   Only now, at 5 months, do I feel like I can leave the house with them.  They are getting so much better.  Hang in there!

leslie13510

Honestly, if they want you there that badly, and they've invited you to bring the boys, I would go.  Especially because you'll have other hands there to help you if necessary.  They might surprise you and be ok with it tonight, and if not you can always leave early.  I'm not saying you should take them out all the time if you're not comfortable doing so, but don't let yourself fall into the trap of staying home 24/7 either because you're afraid of how they might act.  That's not healthy for any of you.  Just try and get out with them every now and then, and if it works out great, and if not it's really no big deal, you can always take them back home if they're not happy. 

Also, the only way they're going to grow out of it any time soon is if they get used to it, and unfortunately that means they need to be exposed to it every now and then.  Plus, you won't panic as much when they break down in public after a while.   

And just a random thought/question:  Is there any chance that maybe you getting panicky about them crying in public actually makes them react worse?  I know that even as newborns my kids seemed to pick up when I was frustrated or freaking out about something, and their moods would get so much worse than when I managed to keep my emotions calm. 

blondek8

Go. You need to get out of the house and so do your LO's. It's good therapy for all 3 of you. I hate being out with screaming babies too. I get panicky and my anxiety goes through the roof, but I do it because if I didn't get out of my house sometimes I'd go off the deep end.

If the host says to bring them along, then bring them along. I don't know about your friends but mine are great. As soon as we get to anyone's house the babies get scooped up and loved on by other baby-loving friends of mine and I get a well deserved break.

DH and I frequently go out with our friends to their houses or they come to ours with their kids. Every weekend there's something going on and we usually go unless we're both completely bagged. Even then we try to make an appearance.

MaygenDL0ve

i dont know how to handle the double blood curdling screams...  others holding them doesnt help... in fact it makes it worse.  if they act this way when i take them out, my instincts say dont take them out...  wait til they are older..... ???  sorry for bad typing here.. feeding a baby as i type

MaygenDL0ve

i dont know how to handle the double blood curdling screams...  others holding them doesnt help... in fact it makes it worse.  if they act this way when i take them out, my instincts say dont take them out...  wait til they are older..... ???  sorry for bad typing here.. feeding a baby as i type

letting them scream in the car so i can get out once in a while doesn't seem fair....  i feel like they are telling me its too soon.  basically, how do you just let them scream???  for example, if you take them on a walk.  they are fed burped and changed, you put them in the stroller and they instantly start screaming.  you start walking, they scream harder, face blood red, skin burning hot, sweat building up.  how is this good for them or me??  

GiGi1221

MaygenDL0ve:

i dont know how to handle the double blood curdling screams...  others holding them doesnt help... in fact it makes it worse.  if they act this way when i take them out, my instincts say dont take them out...  wait til they are older..... ???  sorry for bad typing here.. feeding a baby as i type

letting them scream in the car so i can get out once in a while doesn't seem fair....  i feel like they are telling me its too soon.  basically, how do you just let them scream???  for example, if you take them on a walk.  they are fed burped and changed, you put them in the stroller and they instantly start screaming.  you start walking, they scream harder, face blood red, skin burning hot, sweat building up.  how is this good for them or me??  

In your case maybe it's not.  Do they have reflux or something?  I can't imagine dealing with that.  I'll be thinking of you!

4everlove

You poor thing!!!  Everyone's babies are different and when you have TWO cranky babies is is SO hard!!!  Juggling trying to calm them down while not letting them get each other going again.  The scream fests are more than you can almost bear I am sure.  No one will understand you because even us MoM do not have your twins...every baby and every set of twins is different!  I feel for you though.  Maybe a friend can drive your car and you can sit in the back with the twins?  I know my friend who had a just ha a baby took her baby to the chiropractor because she would SCREAM the whole time in her car seat.  After am adjustment she loves her car seat now and is a much happier baby...just a thought to consider.  You do what you know is best and just explain to your friends.  It is good to get out of the house so maybe you can just give it a try if you have friends willing to help but expect you may be making a quick and loud exit with a loud drive home...they may surprise you.  I am sure it is not a fun think o think about trying though.  You know what is best for you and your babies!

MaygenDL0ve

Thanks for all the suggestions..  Yes, they have reflux, but they're on meds for it.  I didn't think of a chiropractor for a 3-mo-old!  Not even sure how to go about getting that approved thru our insurance but it's worth looking into.  I ended up just saying that they were really fussy and just that I couldn't make it yet again  Hoping for a life someday.... !!