Parenting after a Loss

a little update on me

I haven't really talked about the whole situation in a while so thought I'd update. M is meeting with an attorney on Tuesday. I meet with mine next Monday. We're just going for legal advice, but are hoping to do this entire thing completely uncontested. We've already agreed on a lot of things regarding our money, his financial support to me and N, the house (I'm staying here, but he will help me sell it ASAP), and custody of N (he will visit N 2 nights a week and will keep him EOW). Most of the time I am okay with everything, but every now and then I break down--get angry, embarrassed, upset, resentful...the list goes on. The worse part is feeling like a failure as a wife and mom--like I couldn't give M and N what they need. I know that I'll get through with all of my support here and IRL. It just effing sucks right now. On the upside, I have all of my new furniture ordered, new bedding and mattress...and am ready to start fresh.
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Re: a little update on me

  • I hope this is a fast smooth process so you can start to heal. You are a FABULOUS mother for doing the best for N. Big Hugs. We are all here for you!
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  • I am so proud of you, Cora. You seem to be handling everything so well. I can imagine some days would be harder than others.

    Just remember we are here for you. (((hugs)))

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  • Cora I am proud of you for being so strong and showing N that you are a great Mom. I think I might have missed a ton about the entire situation and why this happening since I believe it took place when my M broke his leg/got hurt. Why are you divorcing? Was it something he asked for? Sorry to bring up old hat, I just couldn't figure it out. 

    Much Love & Hugs! 

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  • imageVanessaRae9608:
    I hope this is a fast smooth process so you can start to heal. You are a FABULOUS mother for doing the best for N. Big Hugs. We are all here for you!

    I couldn't have said it better myself 

    image
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    Missing our sweet Angeline. BFP #1: 7.12.09 / EDD: 3.15.10 / Missed Miscarriage: 8.14.10
    BFP #2: 3.16.10 / EDD: 11.28.12 / Collin Rex born 12.1.10
    TTC#2: May 2012
    BFP #3: 7.5.12 / CP 7.12.12
    BFP #4: 1.28.12 / EDD: 10.11.13
    betas: 10dpo: 91 / 14dpo: 493 / first u/s: 3.4.13
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  • First of all, (((((HUGE HUGS)))))

    You are in NO way a failure, I think you are an amazing strong woman who I am proud to call my friend!

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  • Huge hugs to you.  I don't blame you for being angry and you are not a failure.  You did everything possible.  You are such a strong mom to Nicholas.

     

  • I'm sure everything you are feeling is completely normal, but try not to blame yourself.  From what I know, you've tried your hardest to work through the issues.  You are doing what is best for N.  HUGS to you and good luck with starting fresh!  You are going to come out so much stronger and better!
  • imageMelissaAB5579:

    First of all, (((((HUGE HUGS)))))

    You are in NO way a failure, I think you are an amazing strong woman who I am proud to call my friend!

    What she said! I admire your strength for both N and yourself. You are an incredible person Cora, and I hope someday I am lucky enough to know you IRL.

     

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  • imageVanessaRae9608:
    I hope this is a fast smooth process so you can start to heal. You are a FABULOUS mother for doing the best for N. Big Hugs. We are all here for you!

    I completely agree.  You seem very calm and collected about the whole thing but I know it has to be hard.  Just remember that this isn't your fault and that you are a great mother.  We are here for you ::hugs::. 

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  • Don't get down on yourself, I'm very proud of how you've handled everything and I think you're doing beautifully in this situation! You're doing what's best for you and your son and that's all you can do!
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  • You are stronger than you even know. You are an awesome Mother and do not feel like a failure as a wife. It takes two people to make it work and it seems like he checked out a while ago.

    Take each emotion as it comes... there is no wrong way to feel right now.

     ::hugs:: 

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  • Wow it seems like it's going so fast, I'm so sorry. You're far from a failure. H let you let down if anything. ::hugs:: You'll get through this and be stronger for it.
    Marie, wife to Ron, mom to DS
  • Do not feel like a failure as a mother or a wife! You are doing the best thing for your son to end a relationship that isn't working and would only cause pain for you all. And a marriage takes two people to make it work. No matter how hard you may try, if the other person isn't trying with you, it won't get fixed. I hope everything goes quickly and smoothly for you. (((hugs)))
    Three losses in 2009, a miracle in 2010! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker The Method to My Madness, a PPD blog
  • Thanks for the update.  We love hearing from you.

    You are not a failure as a mother or wife.  It's so incredibly hard.  Sometimes I wonder how everyone else makes it look so easy.  KWIM?

    Hugs! 

    BFP#1 May 17, 2008
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    Baby boy born June 4, 2009 at 40 weeks
    8 pounds 13 ounces and 23 inches
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    BFP #3 February 6, 2011
    First U/S February 25, 2011 = TWINS!!!
    Boy/girl twins born October 4, 2011
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  • ((HUGS)) We are all very proud of you girl!! Not only are you doing what's best for you and N, but you're also setting a wonderful example for N of grace under fire.  You are showing him that it's the love Mom and Dad have for him that's important (even if Dad is acting like a total DB).... not living together or material things. And also that you have to have self-respect and make yourself a priority. These are HUGE things.

    I'd say you're pretty much a super Mom!!

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    BFP #2 - 12/9/09 After being on bedrest for 10 weeks due to TTTS and hospital bedrest for 4 weeks due to PPROM, my sticky babies are here! Born at 32 weeks!!
  • SO sorry you are feeling that way- but you know in your heart you are not a failure and this has much less to do with you and more to do with him.  You are doing great...hang in there. 
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  • i know this must be hard for you. even though it sucks now, you are doing what's best for you and N. you're a wonderful mama. hang in there.
  • Oh Cora, I am so sorry. I think everything you are feeling - all of the mixed emotions - are completely understandable and normal (coming from divorced parents, just what I've observed). But you have nothing to be embarrassed about and you are NOT a failure. You are doing your d@mn best and N will thank you for it later. Trust me. I was always proud of my mom for finally sticking up for herself (after the fact, once I knew the whole story; I was too little at the time of their divorce to know) and always admired her for doing what she had to do to provide for me and my brother. You are an incredible, strong, and selfless mother. You and N will have some tough times, like we all do in life, but you will be just fine. And, I'm sure, better off.
    missed miscarriage began 04/08, ended 07/08 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
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