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Safe Zone

johnnys junejohnnys june member
in TTC After a Loss

"I place my hand in yours so that together we can accomplish what I cannot do alone"

 I went to the first meeting of the HEAL (Help Enduring InfAnt Loss) Support Group and the facilitator wrote this on the board and had us all hold hands and say this at the end of the group session...my mind instantly went to this board and all of you ladies!!!

The support group was good.  I was nervous and didn't know what to expect.  The silence and glances from everyone before we started were unbearably torturous, but everyone was feeling the same way.  Once it got started the tension lessened.  Everyone shared their stories.  I'm not sure if my heart was aching just for myself and husband, or for each and every other parent of an Angel baby.  It was heart wrenching, relieving, exhausting, uplifting, depressing...all at the same time.  But I'm glad we went.  The facilitator himself experienced a late loss nearly 20 years ago and as a psychotherapist, he voluntarily started this group shortly after his loss and has been doing it ever since.  At the beginning of the group he talked a little about grief, terms, examples, descriptions, definitions, and real emotions.  Then he stated "this is a safe zone unlike (pointing out the window) out there."  He placed a box of tissues in the middle of the circle and said he only had one rule "no one moves the box of tissues."  His reason: if you need one, it is equally reachable.  He didn't want anyone to hand anyone else a tissue or the tissue box b/c the act alone symbolizes how uncomfortable the other person is with the tears.  It says "stop crying b/c I'm uncomfortable."  This may not always be true, but the symbolization is powerful.  

 Overall, I'm extremely glad we went.  It lasts 7 weeks, and is structured with specific topics each week.  I'm looking forward to next week, seeing everyone again.  It helps to have a support group IRL....but they'll never replace all of you ladies!  I look forward to sharing bits and pieces in the weeks to come. 

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Re: Safe Zone

  • PachitaPachita member
    I'm glad you liked it!

    BFP#1: 7/14/10.  EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
    BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
    BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby!                                                                                                                                           BFP #4:  2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15                                                                                                                                                                                      BFP #5:  4/5/15   EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)

    BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
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  • ewilliams1127ewilliams1127 member
    Sounds great! Let us all know how it goes each week!
    12/13/10 BFP 12/23/10 Miscarriage 3/6/11 BFP EDD 11/09/11 11/03/11 C-Section at 39w1d for failure to progress on induction for HBP and GD Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic Cincinnati Reds Pictures, Images and Photos image ~~~~~Everyone Welcome PgAL/PAL~~~~~~
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  • lotus88lotus88 member
    imagejohnnys june:

     He didn't want anyone to hand anyone else a tissue or the tissue box b/c the act alone symbolizes how uncomfortable the other person is with the tears.  It says "stop crying b/c I'm uncomfortable."  This may not always be true, but the symbolization is powerful.  

     Overall, I'm extremely glad we went.  It lasts 7 weeks, and is structured with specific topics each week.  I'm looking forward to next week, seeing everyone again.  It helps to have a support group IRL....but they'll never replace all of you ladies!  I look forward to sharing bits and pieces in the weeks to come. 

     
    I wish everybody else knew how to react to me and this situation as you ladies and your group do.  Makes me feel alienated sometimes. Then I get lost in my thoughts.  I  look forward to your information as it comes.
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  • haziedazehaziedaze member
    I'm so glad that it was a good experience for you. Sounds like it was really helpful.
    BFP#1 9/14/10 (EDD 5/21/11); no fetal pole 6w6d, 7w4d, d&c 10/8
    BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy! 17P, modified bedrest and Nifedipine helped us have a termie! DS2 born 4/19/14 at 38w5d.
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  • clausekaclauseka member
    That group sounds like such a supportive resource!!  Glad the first meeting went well.  I'm interested in hearing more as you go along.
    TTC in May 2009.
    M/C July 2009.
    BFP #2 6/1/11(1st cycle on Clomid)
    Norah Lynn was born on 2/3/2012
    TTC again January 2014


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  • hbarbourhbarbour
    Thank you for sharing your experience! I have been thinking about trying a support group too! I am nervous about it but put it in my calendar for next month to give it a shot. I look forward to your future posts! 
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  • sisterraelsisterrael
    Wow, what an amazing resource. Please let us know how it goes each week.  I"m glad you've got  access to a support group in your area. 
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  • TheGregory's07TheGregory's07
    I went to a similar course last fall called Shiloh, it was intense some weeks but so worth it. I am glad you went. 
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  • CaroleeCarolee member
    I'm really glad you found the meeting helpful!
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • TapatioTapatio
    I think it's great that you find a support group. Thank you for sharing your experience :)
    Natural MCs 2/4/09, 8/22/09 & 4/7/10
    Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
    BFP #4 5/14/12
    5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
    5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
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  • Fallon621Fallon621

    Thats great that you found one and you like it.  i was supposed to start going to a support group a few days before Christmas but I chickened out and wasnt really feeling up to it.  But They do it every third thursday of the month and put it on my calender to go this month.  I hope its helps me to have woman who understand IRL not that you ladies arent great!  I talked to the woman who runs the group for about an hour and feel really great about going and think that it would be a great fit for me!

    Let us know how the rest of the meetings go.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Missed M/C discoverd at 10w5d measuring 6w6d on 12/3/10 said goodbye 12/12/10 EDD 6/26/11 "this too shall pass"

    DS Born 9/29/2005 via c-section (breech)
    BFP #3 3/7/11 - EDD 11/17/11
    Betas: @14dpo-182 @18dpo-854!! @21dpo-3124!!!
    3-27-11 150 BPM!!!!
    He's a BOY!!!! Kieran Thomas

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