H is too "freaked" to smoosh.

LeeLee930

We've only had sex once since my BFP on September 16th.  Granted I was not up for it during 1st try...too sick and bloated.  Then near the 2nd tri I spent 3 days in the hospital with a degenerating fibroid and painful ovarian cyst.  That was 2 months ago and now all is well.  I pass sublte comments about wanting action almost daily, and he usually tells me he's afraid he going to hurt me because of the whole fibroid incident. This morning he tells me "the thought of it is very freaky."  I asked if it was the way I looked and he said "No, you look adorbale, but there's a baby in there and its freaky, but I'll try."  Thanks.  I only teared up a little and moved on to the next topic not wanting have an early morning melt down.

I am trying to be understanding and don't want to force him into mercy sex, but I can't help being upset.  Can anyone relate?  Any words of advice? 

ccmarinho

We had kind of the same situation! I don't think we had sex at all during the first trimester because I was so sick and out of energy all the time. But as I started to feel a little better, I started to drop little hints like you were, too! Then DH opened up about how it freaked him out to have sex with me now...scared hurting me, hurting the baby, etc.

We just talked about it a couple times and he would kind of get upset about me bringing it up. I just told him it was fine and when he was ready, I'm here! I gave him all the facts about how it wouldn't hurt me or anything and eventually he came around. Now everything is fine! Hopefully your DH comes around, too! I guess it's just scary for them! Good luck!

actresscye

My dear.  I'm actually with you.  My DH and I haven't done anything.  He is really freaked out.  He treats me very well and tells me nice things but I think he is truly truly freaked.

I would like to but I have to admit that there is a very tiny part of me that freaks me out about it too.

So I am upset about it but not upset about it.  I think I get more upset about the fact that maybe we should be doing something because we're husband and wife?  I don't know.

sunset+skies

Instead of dropping hints, try waking him up in a pleasing manner

With any luck, he'll be too aroused to complain, and just go with the flow. Then, once he sees you're all right, you'll be able to get it again more frequently.

 Otherwise, if your insurance or whatever will cover it (I have NO clue how it works for you people in the U.S.) make an appointment for an info session with your Dr, and see if they will sit down and explain to hubby that you're a-ok to do the deed.

 

MommaA117

he isnt. I am. We still do but I am always like "be careful" ....lol

LeeLee930

Thanks ladies for sharing your experiences and words of wisdom.  Minus this little bump, he's been AMAZING.  Doing laundry, cleaning, running errands, even rubbing anti-stretch mark cream on my belly every night, so I guess if this is my only gripe, I should be grateful.  And like someone said, part of me feels like we "should" be having sex because that's what husbands and wives do more than that's what I want to do.  But I'll try both approaches..."I'm here when you're ready" and if that doesn't work I'll go for the sneak attack!

IdigDirt

LeeLee930:

Thanks ladies for sharing your experiences and words of wisdom.  Minus this little bump, he's been AMAZING.  Doing laundry, cleaning, running errands, even rubbing anti-stretch mark cream on my belly every night, so I guess if this is my only gripe, I should be grateful.  And like someone said, part of me feels like we "should" be having sex because that's what husbands and wives do more than that's what I want to do.  But I'll try both approaches..."I'm here when you're ready" and if that doesn't work I'll go for the sneak attack!

You are a lucky lady. DH still doesn't do much around the house and we don't have sex a lot but it has nothing to do with the baby. 

ShangriLaRose

A lot of men are like this w/ a first pregnancy. Mine wasn't, because he read info w/ me during our first pregnancy. I actually had to have this talk w/ my brother when his wife was pregnant last year, because he called me freaking out. She wanted to, and he was sooooo scared.

It's actually good for you, even while pregnant! Also, so long as your doctor still says your ok to do it when you're close to your due date, it can help along w/ labor, as long as your plug hasn't come out. That's how my DS's labor started! ;-)

I agree, not to "pressure" him... but maybe have him read an article, or have your doctor tell/assure him that it's not going to hurt you or the baby. 

I tell you what, though. Pregnant sex is amazing, once you figure out the best ways for you to get around the belly. I always sleep like a baby afterward! Good luck sweetie! 

Baby4OT

My DH is like this too. He KNOWS that nothing will happen adn that it's totally fine to have sex while pg, but even though in his head he knows it's ok, he still freaks out about it. I didn't care during the first tri because I wanted nothing to do with sex then, but now I just take matters into my own hands when I'm horny