XP: Freelance work, chores and kids (vent)

MrsAmers

(Cross posted from my local board.  Background - I was laid off in August.  Still job hunting but not a lot of prospects.  Kids are going to daycare 3 days a week - I get about 6 hours to myself on those days, which sounds like a lot but goes VERY fast.  I love my kids but I don't want to be a SAHM full time and I desperately need my creative outlets either through a 9-5 job or freelance work.) 

I guess in a lot of ways my issues are about trying to find balance...

If you have done (or are doing) freelance work, do you manage to get any of it done while the kids are around or do you only do it when the kids are sleeping/at daycare?  And how do you get chores done, too?  If anyone has set-up a "daily routine", I would love to see your typical schedule.

I know that I am partially struggling with these because Todd is SOOOOO clingy right now and sleeping/napping so poorly.  Yesterday pushed me to my emotional limit, so today I am feeling overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done...

All I managed to accomplish yesterday while home with the kids was folding 1 1/2 loads of laundry and just rinsing off the breakfast and lunch dishes.   It took 90 minutes to get us dressed, fed and out the door to spend a mere 45 minutes at the playground.  In an ideal world, I would like to start doing some freelance work to at least bring in a little bit of money.  I expected with the holidays over with that it would seem easier this week, but I am still feeling overwhelmed and I'm not sure how to fit it in with everything else.

Some of this will get easier when Todd gets through whatever hellish stage he's currently in (he's still super-sweet 90% of the time, just super-clingy, constantly asking to nurse, only napping for me in my arms and waking at night)...but any inspiration for making things easier right now would be appreciated.  Or just remind me that this too shall pass.  *yawn*

Kestrel84

I don't do freelance but I've been going to school full time since DS was 3 weeks old.  I have never been able to spend more than an hour on schoolwork during the day with DS (he doesn't go to daycare and I don't have anyone to help during the day).  And chores fall by the wayside since school is a priority.  DH does most of the housework when he gets home from work and on the weekends.  I do all of my work when DH comes home from work.  He takes over and I will go to a coffee shop or something.  And Sundays I catch up on work all day.  So essentially I don't get to spend any evenings with DH while school is in session.  And I imagine it's taxing on him too since he works full time and then comes home and does the things I should be able to accomplish during the day but can't because any very little free time is spent doing school work or reading.  So long story short, the only thing that makes this manageable is knowing that it's temporary.  I start my program in the fall and will be doing clinicals, etc. so DS will have to go to daycare.  I think it depends on the demands of your freelance stuff.  If it is sporadic and you can take frequent breaks from it then I say it's worth a shot.  But it is HARD to get stuff done during the day, even without having work or school.  I'm on "vacation" until next week and while I'm able to cook dinner and keep up with laundry and make the bed, I still don't have time to do all the other housework type stuff I wanted to do last semester but couldn't.  Havey ou thought about waiting until they are both pre-school/school age before starting work again?  

yourmomwreckedmybike

I work from home, and take care of LO, I also deal with him when he wakes up at night. DH is in school, up at 6am, home by 3pm. 

It's a real struggle to get stuff done during the day. I work as much as I can when LO is napping, or still asleep. I have to wear headphones when I work, so I don't really feel comfortable working while LO is awake. I do as much house work as I reasonably can do while LO is awake. If we need groceries or any errands done, the day is pretty much a write off because it takes 5 hours.

DH and I came to an agreement that he would help more with the housework and cooking, and that has been working out really well. Depending on LO's mood, I don't get any work done during the day, and do it at night 8 - midnight usually. 

I can't imagine having a rigid schedule with a baby and work. I really don't see how that could work, and have a happy mom, and happy baby. Flexibility is key. 

anna7602

I freelance. I cannot get anything done when DD is home and awake. And waiting until she is asleep to work makes me really antsy and irritable. I found myself totally losing it on so many levels when she dropped her nap back in April and I also found that I would get extremely short-tempered at bedtime if things weren't going smoothly and I had a ton of work to do that night.

So, in order to be a better mom and more sane person, I figured out a better solution for getting more work done- more babysitter hours over the summer and then I enrolled DD in preschool 2 days/week in the fall. That's still not quite enough time to get all my work done when I have a really big project, but it helps me break things into manageable chunks and allows me to structure my time in a kind-of-crazy-but-doable way. For example, I've been known to pull all-nighters on work when I know DD will be in school the next day. I'll brew up a huge pot of coffee after DD is asleep, sit down at my desk at 8 or 9pm and keep going until 3 or 4 or 6am. Then I go to sleep after DD is dropped off at school. I wouldn't recommend this to everyone, but it is MUCH better than trying to pull an all-nighter and then having to be awake the entire next day with a very active toddler (something I've also done, not exactly sane).

As for errands, I do what I can and that's that. I try to do laundry when DH is home. I clean up a little here and there, but I have a cleaning lady for deep cleaning. And when I don't have a big project and DD is in school, I use those days for the things around the house I've been putting off for months- reorganizing DD's drawers and putting away clothing she has outgrown, going through the pantry and throwing out expired food, etc. But when I am in the thick of a freelance project, my home looks like all-hell broke loose. The only things I can manage to do regularly are grocery shopping and laundry (and just barely if I hav a tight work deadline). Everything else has to slide, and yes, this means that DD's toys explode all over the house and that boxes of pasta stay on the kitchen counters instead of being put away in the pantry and that mail might not get opened and phone calls may not get returned. Such is life. DH has a pretty demanding, all-consuming job, so if I'm not getting things done around the house, no one is.

I have to take a big-picture look at "balance." I cannot possibly feel balanced when I have a big freelance job and not enough babysitting/school hours to get it done. But right now that I am between jobs (I need materials from my next client to get started), I am catching up on things around the house and lunching with friends and feeling like I can face a February full of no me time. We'll see how I actually feel once February is here.