New to board? TMI Post - need some support please

clybrarian

Sunday morning, I woke up with some very slight light brown spotting (which in hind sight seems like almost nothing).  Nevertheless, we were scared and went to the ER to have everything checked out.  We were so elated during the ultrasound to hear that we were going to have twins, and being able to see the two healthy heartbeats was the most wonderful moment of both of our entire lives thus far.  Yesterday, I woke up with RED blood trickling which continued all day.  I went to work but taught from my chair all day.  (I told my students that I had a back injury and needed to walk as little as possible...)

This morning around 1am, I woke up from extreme cramping and have been bleeding heavily and steadily ever since.  At one point, I am pretty sure that I was able to identify the egg sack in what came out of me.  Absolutely horrifying and haunting. 

We are both staying home today and have an appointment with my doc at 1pm today to check everything out, but I fear the worst.  My husband still has hope, and I want to as well, but I feel that we need to brace ourselves to hear bad news. 

How can the most wonderful and the most horrible moments of our entire lives come within so close of one another? 

Why were our babies healthy on Sunday and (most likely) gone now? 

Sometime in the future, we will try again to get pregnant, and how do I allow myself to be excited and love my new pregnancy with a lingering fear that he/she/they won't make it like this time? 

When it's time, how do I convince a husband who blames himself for anything that goes wrong that we didn't do anything wrong and that this just happens (to a lot of people apparently)? 

How do we say goodbye to something that, quite bluntly and most likely, went down the toilet?

teacherbride7

So sorry for your pain.  I mc'd in October and still have the exact questions you do.  I wish I could answer them for you but all I can do is offer a listening ear and be supportive.  Hugs and prayers to you and your DH.

JP714

So sorry to hear about what you are going through.  I went through this horrible nightmare in Sept.   Thoughts and prayers for you ... I had to convince my husband of the same thing, I just kept reassuring him that we did everything right.   I followed every rule to the T.     Take care of yourself.  

ohbabyoh

I am so very sorry you are going through this.  I can't answer these questions for you, but know that you are not alone in what you are going through.  Take one day at a time.  GL at the doc's today.

Sweet Artistmouse

I'm sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel. I miscarried twins in early November. After finding out that they stopped growing at 9 1/2 weeks (I was in my 12th week), it took a week for me to physically miscarry them. I'm not going to lie . . . it's been very difficult to deal with, especially with a close colleague and BFF being pregnant. I feel like I've been robbed of my first pregnancy experience and of the special experience of carrying and being a mom to twins.

My DH was the same way, questioned everything that we did and blamed himself in spite of the fact the doctor said it was likely a chromosomal abnormality. In other words . . . nothing we did wrong.

I had my post-m/c appointment with my OB yesterday where we discussed us trying again. And although I'm all for it, I share the same fears that you presented in your post . . . "how do I allow myself to be excited and love my new pregnancy with a lingering fear that he/she/they won't make it like this time?"

If I can share any advice with you, it's that whatever you feel as a result of the outcome of your situation is normal. Those questions you have about getting pregnant are normal. If you have miscarried, allow yourself to grieve. Lean on your family and friends. If you hadn't shared your pregnancy with any of them, you may find that someone in your circle had a miscarriage and can be a sympathetic ear. Communicate with your husband. When you're feeling down and you want to cry your face off . . . do it! Don't feel too proud to seek counselling. I'm seeing someone now and will continue to do so when I get pregnant again.

If you would like to chat, please feel free to message me.

Big hug!

WifeyWynn0626

I'm so sorry you are going through this loss. It does seem that in a blink of an eye that your life can completely change. Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are normal and all of us are asking the same question, "Why?" I found for me, starting a blog was the easiest way to sort out all my thoughts, emotions and feelings so I could process them easier. Take advantage of your support system, cry whenever you need to and take the time to grieve. You've found a wonderful support system here. ((hugs))

kmn3

I'm with you, right with you!  I had spotting over the weekend, went in Monday and saw one beautiful bean with a beating heart.  Yesterday and overnight I had ALOT of bleeding, no cramping, but bleeding.

Today's ultrasound revealed nothing.  I'm having a D&C tonight.

 It's just crazy, one day you have a healthy pregnancy, the next it's over

Hugs to you!

cmumama

*DS ticker*

So sorry for your loss!  I was in a very similar situation.  Started spotting, went in for an ultrasound, saw a beautiful, perfectly round gestational sac and fetal pole, then started bleeding a week later, and eventually saw emptiness at my next u/s. 

 Big hugs to you!!

Fallon621

awww Hun I am so deeply sorry for your loss, if thats what it is (woman know their bodys)  I have been going through my MC for a month now and now have to have a Dnc because my levels are rising again.  I do not have the answers to your questions because we are all still asking the same ones, but know that there is a great support system here and that we are ALL here for you!

As for your husband and the TTC again, I know it's hrd but try not to think of that right now it will come in time.  For now just try to grieve as much as possible in whatever way you choose to do.  Go in your car turn up the radio and scream if you have to.  That helped me a bit when i would get so overwhelmed with emotion on 2 occasions.  My FIance didnt know if he ever wanted to try again cause he too was blaming himself.  But in my christmas card from him this year he wrote me a long letter saying that HE DOES want to try again ASAP.  I was so happy to hear that and Im sure in time that will come for you also. (I hope so)  My thoughts are with you!  PM me if you ever need an ear to just listen to or just vent on here!

Shawnly82

I know the feeling all too well.  Had the same stories minus the two babies.  Had spotting went into ER and heartbeat, next morning passed the sac and baby right there in the toilet....it was horrible I couldnt even stand up after!  I think that is what made this the hardest you just picture it, but only time heals.  Its almost been a month and I finally have accepted it.  I still have my moments, but after talking with my Dr.  I feel so much better.  Wishing you the best!