Will you post on FB? (vent and question)

pumpkinhead4

When you get pregnant will you announce on FB? Ask me a year ago, I would have said heck ya! but now, after going through a m/c and the ttc rollercoaster I am voting NO. I never realized how stinging it is to read and I guess it doesn't matter because it's not directed at me but still. Someone said once that she thought putting up ultrasound pics was bad and now I guess I understand. I saw my first FB announcement since my loss on FB today. Made me sad but I guess that's my own battle I need to get through.

Thoughts?! 

butterfly843

I probably won't announce till the baby is born. I waiting till second tri to announce last time and then had to tell everyone about the loss a few weeks later. Some people didn't see my post about the loss and were asking me for months afterward how I was feeling.

mizdiz444

Funny you should post this, but DH & I were just talking about this last night.  We will not post anything about me being pg on FB, if it ever happens again (and goes past 6 weeks).  It will be hard because a lot of our family is on FB and that's how we keep in touch, but I just can't do it.  I don't know if that will change when the time comes, but for now, no.

jenn0021

I remember last time I was going to wait until 2nd tri to announce it on facebook. I never made it there though. But now, I definitely think that I am going to wait as long as possible before telling people. Maybe until they notice? I will tell a few select people but no big announcements and definitely not facebook. It's too painful to see people making their announcements and posting pics and such. It's amazing how much things change in only a few short months. No more innocence.

myaddiwaddi06

To be completely honest with my DD I would have. I was 21 and didn't really know any better and I was completely naieve. I did not worry one bit about m/c, pre term labor, birth defects or anything. It was wonderful I guess. However now after my loss I just don't know what I was thinking at all. As soon as I got preg this time I worried from the begining and never considered an announcement even after seeing the HB 3 times I just couldn't. There is a girl on mine who has been TTC for years and I am not sure if she had any losses but she just went thru IVF and after her first appt she posted. I could not believe it. She is like 15 weeks now but still.

I have so many girls on my FB that are in every stage of preg and a ton that have just had babies. One even had hers the night I m/c'd. It makes me really sad. I try to stay off of it as much as possible. I am sorry that you are sad I know it really stinks. (hugs)

mandy6418

I will not announce on FB. My brothers GF and my cousins FI are both KU and I've had to hide them in my news feed. Just seeing their updates kills me. It really hurts. I would never want to cause that pain for anyone else.

millejj1

This isn't going to be the popular answer but I probably will. I know it can be hurtful, but my family is spread out all over the country and that is how we keep in touch. They would be devastated if I didn't share the experience with them and I would feel like I was robbing them of their chance to be excited. Plus, I am going to force myself to try to enjoy it through the stress and fear and that is one way I express my excitement.

That said, I'm not going to be a total AW about it. I know there is never a safe date until you're home with your LO, but I'll wait as long as I can hold out to post anything. A subtle announcement and an album for pictures so they can see isn't terribly unreasonable. Updates every 30 seconds and a play by play of labor..totally uncalled for. 

AutumnLeavesFall

I will, but i'll be after the 1st tri. But also alot of my family is in diffrent states and it's their way to keep in touch with how it's going.

I'm very sensitive to everyone and would let my girls know who have been struggling that I was going to to out on FB so they could block me if needed so it's not a big shock.

sarahscooty

I struggle with this as well... first time around I told a select few people through a private message on fb. I too have a lot of family on fb so there was tons of support when we went through our loss. I don't know what I will do second time around. I probably won't announce to many people at all! I have so many people I am friends with on fb that are pregnant and it's really hard to see them posting daily about whatever milestone they are reaching in the pregnancy.Before our loss, I never thought about how hurtful it could be to see these posts! But on the other hand, people would be so happy for us if our next pg is a sticky one!! I probably wouldn't announce it until far into pregnancy or until someone notices! I hope we all get our wishes this new year!

MrsR25

Nope. If people leave me comments about it fine, but there won't be a single pregnancy related status from me if I get pregnant. One when the baby is born maybe, but that's it.

I think it makes you a total attention whore when you make multiple posts about it. My SIL is like that. Stuff like "We know what ducky is going to be!!" And then they don't post the gender because they are AWs and want people to ask. 

tiffanysbride

No then again I don't have a FB account but DH does. We have never made any announcements on FB about anything. I find it strange and impersonal. We have a blog for family and close friends, maybe we would use that but I doubt it. We've never done it before so why start now.

MandaS08

Definitely not.  At some point I might post pics of a shower or the nursery, but there will be no big "announcement".  FB really isn't how I stay in touch with people-so to me announcing it on there would just be weird.  All the people that I would want to tell I will tell them personally.

jerryliljess

Personally, I wouldn't do it because everyone that's on my FB would already know. 

MommyandKate

I would.  I'd do the same thing I did last time, which is to announce it after 12 weeks and put a ticker up in my badges- you'd have to click on me as your friend to see it so it's only there for those who want to look.  I only announce the big things- like the sex of the baby and if I go past my due date again "No- she's not here yet! Get me some spicy food!!"

Maybe I'm weird this way- but I wish more of my friends knew about my miscarriage so that they would know they weren't alone if it happened to them.

Junebug060609

millejj1:

This isn't going to be the popular answer but I probably will. I know it can be hurtful, but my family is spread out all over the country and that is how we keep in touch. They would be devastated if I didn't share the experience with them and I would feel like I was robbing them of their chance to be excited. Plus, I am going to force myself to try to enjoy it through the stress and fear and that is one way I express my excitement.

That said, I'm not going to be a total AW about it. I know there is never a safe date until you're home with your LO, but I'll wait as long as I can hold out to post anything. A subtle announcement and an album for pictures so they can see isn't terribly unreasonable. Updates every 30 seconds and a play by play of labor..totally uncalled for. 

This is pretty much me as well.  I live clear across the country from my very close knit family.  I'd wait as long as possible to spill the beans, but there are many that would be hurt if they weren't updated on how we're doing.  I'd probably just put a few pictures in an album where I've customized who can see it.  The status updates would be minimal.

Izabella22

Mel12880:

Maybe I'm weird this way- but I wish more of my friends knew about my miscarriage so that they would know they weren't alone if it happened to them.

I don't think that's weird at all, I feel the same way but haven't had the stones to post about it.

I will post my pgcy after 1st tri is over and I feel comfortable, I will be a nervous wreck and envision needing as much support as possible and that is the only way I communicate w/ some old friends. I won't post a play by play of m/s or pgcy complaint of the day, but I know there will be times I feel like sharing and its a public forum. I understand completely about being hurt by other peoples posts, but that's what the block button is for and I would expect anyone on my list to hide me if they were bothered by what I say (and I do the same!). It is a public share site and I'm not friends with people I don't know so... its a big deal for me and if it happens it'll be my first take home and I will want to celebrate that, my losses have ruined my naivete about pregnancy and ttc, I'm not going to let it ruin anything else.

pumpkinhead4

I totally respect both sides especially if it's been a long time coming. I guess I am just in a place that I am really seeing the other side and how the things I may have said and done affect others. It's still exciting, happy news but I guess that is why people are on FB, right? To learn about others lives? I don't know, I was SO close to announcing my pregnancy last time and I ended up having a d & c the day before I was going to do it. Life sure is interesting and unpredictable as he11.

katiebug2004

millejj1:

This isn't going to be the popular answer but I probably will. I know it can be hurtful, but my family is spread out all over the country and that is how we keep in touch. They would be devastated if I didn't share the experience with them and I would feel like I was robbing them of their chance to be excited. Plus, I am going to force myself to try to enjoy it through the stress and fear and that is one way I express my excitement.

That said, I'm not going to be a total AW about it. I know there is never a safe date until you're home with your LO, but I'll wait as long as I can hold out to post anything. A subtle announcement and an album for pictures so they can see isn't terribly unreasonable. Updates every 30 seconds and a play by play of labor..totally uncalled for. 

This.

We don't get to see a lot of our family very much, and FB is the only way we are in touch with some of them. I will hold out as long as possible to announce it for sure.... Videos of my baby moving in my belly...um NO. I hate that the innocence is lost for us. It just sucks.

BellaVita 10.22

I will, but not until I have an ultrasound. This last time, some people didn't see the post on my m/c and I still get asked if I'm showing and how I'm feeling...just when I think I'm feeling better, it's like a stab in the heart.

On the other hand, as much as I know I'll be scared next time around, I don't want to live in fear. I want to be able to share the good news with those we love (family in different parts of the states and countries). I know it hurts to see others post that their pregnant, specially now, but I just have to keep reminding myself that they don't mean to hurt me, they are just overjoyed and I don't blame them for that. 

pinkr0ses

Mel12880:

Maybe I'm weird this way- but I wish more of my friends knew about my miscarriage so that they would know they weren't alone if it happened to them.

I totally agree with this.  I will probably post a picture of LO wearing a Big Brother shirt (which I still have the shirt from this past loss), and that's it.  I would definitely wait until after at least 14 weeks.

clauseka

I personally will make one announcement since I have a lot of family and friends far away, but it will not be until at least the 2nd Tri and that will be the only thing I post.  I refuse to put pregnancy status updates up everyday like some of the people I'm friends with on FB.  Not only can it hurt some people, but I think in general it's boring to know that "pants don't fit today" "bought a carseat" or "can't eat cheerios anymore" just to name a few... and I SWEAR TO NEVER EVER EVER post complaints about pregnancy....those are the statuses that sting the most for me.

sumrbride09

I waited until 2nd tri to "announce" it last time, and I wished that I never had after we lost our daughter. I got a lot of comments from people who didn't know about our loss asking how the pregnancy was going or asking for belly pics, etc.

On October 15th (Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day) I "came out" on fb about our loss which actually felt really good. It was nice to not feel like it was such a secret anymore and to get support from people. I posted a status update from Faces of Loss with a link and a bunch of people made donations in Anela's name which was amazing.

When we get pg again, I'm not sure if I will "announce" it on fb. Right now I want to say no, but at the same time if anything were to go wrong again I wouldn't want it to feel like such a secret again either. If I were to post anything it would just be an occasional thing, or a few shower pics or something. I definitely won't be one of the people who posts constant pg related status updates!

itsmegin

I don't know. FB was the last place I hadn't announced (we told everyone and their mom pretty early on-like 7 weeks) and I was planning to after my first u/s, but that was when I found out the baby had stopped growing so I never did.

I don't think I'll be an AW about it, but I will probably mention it when I'm really far along. One of my bump/FB friends-Cherylanddoug-just messaged me to warn me that she was going to post an u/s pic so I could hide her in advance if necessary.I thought that was really thoughtful of her, but honestly, seeing pics, announcements, and posts from bumpies and IRL friends doesn't bother me as much as random strangers and FHs.

I've hid people I barely know who are AWs about their babies, but when it comes to people I like, especially those I know have struggled, I share their joy and don't feel bad about reading their stuff or seeing pics. And, thankfully, most of my FB friends with kids don't AW it.

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lissasue3:

I didn't really announce my last pregnancy because I knew some people could be hurt.  I have a few friends with IF issues.

Definitely not now though.  If I had my way people would only find out once I had a healthy baby in my arms.  I realize that's not realistic though.

this!

tmenard29

My husband and I had just finished telling all of our co-workers and family and were getting ready to post things on facebook before our loss in November. Once we were finihsed with our second appointment at 12 weeks we were going to post on FB, but that was the appointment where things went bad. So I dont plan to tell anyone aside from family and very close friends for a very long time. We probably won't tell them until we are 4 or 5 months. Untelling people is the worst

ginamcp

Nope.  But I don't post anything on FB in general.

PenguinHill

I'm really not sure but definitely though about this last night when a FB friend announced she's 17w5D (due a week after I would have been, sigh).  I can see both sides of the fence.  Sometimes I think maybe I won't post a single thing about the pregnancy until the baby arrives - but then I had an acquantance do that once and it seemed reeeally strange; all the sudden her profile pic is her in a hospital gown holding a newborn. ??!!  It's just like, wow did I ever miss something!  Obviously we're not very close so me not knowing she was pregnant is not surprising, but seeing that method in action makes me think I won't go that route.

My guess is I won't post anything directly about it, but if someone leaves a comment or whatever, I probably won't delete it either.  But who knows, I may be bursting at the seems to tell people, so I'm just going to say we'll see how it goes.

amberb612

I think we will post, after it's(my growing belly)noticable to the world. I know there are still risks but when I see others postings I enjoy sharing in there joy. I hope that someday (soon) that others can share in mine. I do get upset when people post before 12 weeks, just stupid.

Oatoa

tiffanysbride:

No then again I don't have a FB account but DH does. We have never made any announcements on FB about anything. I find it strange and impersonal. We have a blog for family and close friends, maybe we would use that but I doubt it. We've never done it before so why start now.

This almost.  Both DH and I are not on FB.  Our plan is to start a blog for close family and friends when we are successful so that our friends and family can keep track of our new addition.  I informed my close friends personally and as I heal I tell more and more people because it's not a secret, it's just hard.  But that just brings me back to one of my reasons for not being on FB...if you were my real friend you would know something was wrong or I would want you to know enough to tell you. 

Pachita

I probably won't....maybe at the end of my pregnancy, I'll post some pics of the baby bump, but I got a long way to go to cross that bridge!.

First, I won't tell my coworkers I'm PG till I'm at least at the beginning of my second trimester...and they're friends on FB.  I don't really know anyone with fertility issues...but then again, that person might not say anything either. So just to play it safe.

SheriBT

The first time I did.  The second time, I did not.  This may sound odd (and I hope this doesn't hurt anyone), but I felt like something was wrong throughout the whole pregnancy.  Turns out, I was right.  Something inside just said not to announce it.

The next time (hopefully) I will not announce it either.  The people who I want to know will be told via phone or in person depending on how close they live to us.  Everyone else will find out through the grapevine or what have you.

Runnergirl2242

I have to say a "friend" posted about her BFP the weekend that I lost mine. She saw my posts about my loss but obviously did not care. I will NEVER post on FB the big announcement. I will NEVER do a countdown or list of pregnancy symptoms that are driving me crazy. I will never mention my pregnancy at all except to announce when the baby arrives. I wish FBookers would face it no one but close friends and family care anyway.

anonomity

AutumnLeavesFall:

I will, but i'll be after the 1st tri. But also alot of my family is in diffrent states and it's their way to keep in touch with how it's going.

I'm very sensitive to everyone and would let my girls know who have been struggling that I was going to to out on FB so they could block me if needed so it's not a big shock.

All of this.  And it will be the only pg-related status I make until I deliver a healthy baby. 

linz85

The last time I was pregnant, I did not put it on facebook at all. My FI and were not married and I was worried about the backlash from my Dad's side of the family's reaction.  They are very traditional, and while we were Extremely excited, I'm not sure they would have been.  I thought I might post something once I started to show and had a chance to talk to family directly.

I obviously never got that chance

After everything, I can't say I know what I will do. I KNOW that I will not post anything right away. Some seem to post as soon as the pee stick dries. Since FI and I will be married when there is, hopefully, a next time, I do have a feeling I'll post something. It will be WAAAAY far into my pregnancy though...I don't see some of my family as they live in sooo many different places so I'd want to share it with them.  I think I'll just have to gauge my feelings when the time comes. I'm hoping the miracle of a rainbow baby comes sooner rather than later and I can share it with all the people that supported me whole heartedly...

I hope that makes sense...:)

ZZsmommy

I don't really know.  I did not announce my previous pregnancies on facebook.  The one I miscarried in August at 8 weeks I had not announced -- it was weird, though, because I DID announce my miscarriage, and that probably made it even weirder for my friends.  It all started as a threatened miscarriage (spotting, etc) - and it took almost 2 weeks from start to finish.  By the time I realized I was definitely losing my pregnancy, I was so distraught, I needed some support from friends, and my friends were very forthcoming.  My father's funeral was 3 days later, and I had a birthday party for my son's second birthday 6 days after the miscarriage - I needed all the support from friends I could get.

As far as this time around, I am torn.  I would like to announce at some time, so my friends and family that live far away will know.  I would also like them to know so they will be able to support me if something - god forbid - happens again.  My pregnancy with DS was extremely complicated and both my life and my son's life were in danger -- at the time, I was not on FB, but I kept friends and family updated via email, and I was glad for the support I received then.  Like PPs have said, there is no truly safe time until that baby is safe in your arms.....so, I think eventually I will post - the question is, when to do it.