3rd Trimester

DH Vent: another appt missed

He's a busy guy, I get that, and when he says he can come to an appointment with me, I get excited about it.  At this stage (35 wks) it's too easy to cling to things like that emotionally... spending bonus time with him & going out for lunch afterward, etc.

He's been to 2 appts with me, both of which we were late for because he underestimates the commute.  It would have been 3 except when I picked him up from the office, we were about 5 minutes away when his phone bleeped and he needed to go back for a meeting (making me late again to boot).  That was the 1st US appt and honestly, it really sucked not having him there.

Today I'm going in for my 35 wk checkup, no big deal, but he said his schedule is clear and would go with me.  So I'm getting ready this morning and he walks in all ready to go, I say the appt isn't until 11, and he proceeds to tell me he made plans with his brother (LAST NIGHT) to go work on some other side project since he "has time" this morning.  WTF??   Seriously, he left at 9am, it's 10:15 now, the appt is at 11:15 clear on the other side of town (30 min drive), and he expects me to swing by to pick him up at 11... because "it only takes 15 minutes from here"....

I'm so mad I could explode.  I feel totally dumped.

Re: DH Vent: another appt missed

  • I'm sorry that really sucks. Hopefully he'll begin to see how important this is to you!
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  • So he's still going with you? 

    I don't see the problem.

    At this point, unless you're having an ultrasound, most appointments are pretty much just a weight/ pee/ BP check... doppler... Go home.

    Cut the guy some slack...

     

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  • imageBrittRMere:

    So he's still going with you? 

    I don't see the problem.

    At this point, unless you're having an ultrasound, most appointments are pretty much just a weight/ pee/ BP check... doppler... Go home.

    Cut the guy some slack...

     

    This.  My husb. has been to 2 appointments which were both U/S.  I don't really see the point of making him go to the others...  To me, the best part would be lunch afterward, tell him to meet you for lunch :)

  • As long as he's supportive of you in other ways, I think you should cut him some slack. Although it would be nice to have DH attend, it's not really necessary. I understand though, due to DH's work schedule he's only attended 1 appt with me. It's not a big deal though, becuase he's supportive in many other ways.
  • Seriously, cut him some slack.  I stopped asking DH to come to the appointments with because it didn't make sense for him to take off work for a 5-10 minute appointment. 
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  • I think her point is that he said his schedule was cleared for her, and then he made the conscious decision to work on something else....which is dissapointing/frustrating.

     

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  • I'm glad to hear there are some nice wives on this board.

    I'm not one of them. 

    I'd totally leave his butt where he is and go by myself. I'm sorry, but he knew about this appointment, and if you let him know it was important to you (Even if it IS just BP/pee/weight check) he shouldn't have made other plans. That would tick me off to the point I wouldn't even want his @$$ there. 

    Let him have more time with his brother. This obviously isn't as important to him as it is to you. 

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  • the point isn't that hes not going to appts with her, its that he missed appts that he SAID he was going to go to. He's making her feel like the she and the baby aren't his first priority at the moment. All of you pregnant hormonal women out there know how we can get are hopes up to have them crash down beside you when things don't go the right way, especially at this point in our pregnancies.

    She was hoping for this nice quiet day with her husband a day for them to have some alone time before the arrival of the baby. A day where she didn't have to rush around and be late for her appt.again and have a peaceful lunch with her hubby. I don't think she was asking to much here ladys. 

    My husband would take me to my important infertility appts and I would go by myself to the rest of them. Ditto with the pregnancy. If my husband would have missed a US when he didn't have to I would be very upset or made plans when he already had plans with me. OVEY would he ever her it!!!

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  • I would feel the exact same way. He seems to think its ok to make other plans after having made plans with you?!

    And all you others out there ok with your hubbys doing this...Im in shock!

    My FI works full time AND is a full time student and he has only missed one of my dr. appointments. In my opinion, they are either involved or not. Committed to the family, or not. Im glad you guys are ok with your situation, but theres no way I could do it if I were in yalls shoes....Im needy lol

  • My DH has been to 4 appointments.... the very first one, which was an ultrasound to confirm everything..... then I switched doctors so he went to that first one at the new doctor with me, then to the 20 week ultrasound, then to the one last week.  He works full time and only has Thursdays off, and my doctor doesnt work Thursdays, so its hard to scheduled appointments around his schedule, so I just dont.  They're boring anyways and i'm in an out within 15 minutes or so! If he asks to come, thats awesome, but I wont hold my breath!

    Now, IF he did say he was going, and made other plans, that would upset me a little, but its his loss and his problem and I would get over it.

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  • That does stink. I know after our DS's appt. I really did love our "lunch dates" we had after appts.

    It would have been nice if he would've done breakfast with you this morning and then went to work with his brother so you could have still had time together plus the appt and he would still be able to work after it.

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  • I would be irritated with DH for making such short notice plans so close to our appt time if he already committed to going. I wouldn't, however, be irritated with him not going in general. My DH has gone to maybe 4 or 5 appts because he gets bored. And, honestly, I don't want him there because all he does is fidget and mess with things and it drives me nuts, lol. I feel like I have a 26 yr old child in the room with me.

    If picking him up was out of the way then I would just go without him. If it is on the way then no big deal.

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  • Thanks ladies.  Well, to those of you who actually read the whole post and understood the issue before telling me to lighten up.  For the most part it doesn't matter to me whether or not he comes along for these appts, but the point was that he had time for me, booked it, and then double-booked after the fact to hang out w/ his brother before the appt.

    Around 10 this morning, I told him I didn't NEED him to go, although it would be nice to have that time together.  See, it's not that he didn't want to go, its that he's one of those people that tries to please everyone, so when his brother brought this up last night it seemed logical to him that he could make us both happy.

    Anyway I'll wrap this up. I was on my way to the appt without him when he called and said he still wanted to go.  So, I swung by to pick him up, he was late out of the meeting, making us (surprise) 15 minutes late for the appt.  At my OB, when you're late they make you wait, so we waited for another 35 minutes before seeing the doc.  By the time we got out, there was no time left for lunch since he had another meeting scheduled.  Sigh.  Such is life.

  • Feel blessed to have him there with you at all : ) My hubby was at my 7 wk appt and then deployed to Afghanistan three days later. He'll be home again when the baby's 4 1/2 months old. With our first, even though he wasn't deployed, he still missed the birth because he was in the field and couldn't be reached in time. If my husband was just late to an appt, I'd be thrilled! lol
  • MH has only been to 1 appt (anatomy scan @ 18 wks). He needs to work so we can pay bills and I understand that.

     

    However, if he said he was going with me, you bet your butt I'd be pissed if he blew me off for some other project with his brother. That's definite argument material.

  • imageseastar77:
    Feel blessed to have him there with you at all : ) My hubby was at my 7 wk appt and then deployed to Afghanistan three days later. He'll be home again when the baby's 4 1/2 months old. With our first, even though he wasn't deployed, he still missed the birth because he was in the field and couldn't be reached in time. If my husband was just late to an appt, I'd be thrilled! lol

    I do.  My heart absolutely goes out to you!  Sometimes we all just need a little vent though :)

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