is "I love you" ever enough?

nilly5

Yet again, still having problems in this relationship and I haven't left it.

Ok, so the bf & I have been together for 3 years now. BUT for the past 6 months, we haven't had sex...NONE, zip, zero! He has absolutely NO interest in it at all. I've asked him why and he just says "because I dont want to". And when I said "dont you want to make love to me?" and he said "I tell you I love you, that should be enough"...is it ever really enough? I mean, we might as well be roommates that share a bed.

I feel like there is something he's not telling me and I'm really frustrated. I've tried EVERYTHING to try and get him to have sex, and NOTHING is working.

I'm to the point right now that if he doesnt start showing me in other ways besides saying "I love you" that he does truely love me....I'm going to leave. Like I said, I feel like we are just roommates that just happen to share a bed & say "I love you" to each other. Those words just seem so empty anymore...

....any advice? Am I being too picky? Am I stupid for staying?...I need advice

excitedforlittleone

Something is definitely going on and you need to continue to try to talk to him....do you think he would go for counseling?  Sex isn't everything but it is a very important part of a relationship to be intimate.  I'm so sorry you are going through this. 

Elisa312

to be completely honest, I've been there, done that.  and it's not good.

My ex BF was the same way.

I know it's hard to hear, but he's probably getting it somewhere else.  You say you love him?  What exactly do you love about him?  What does he love about you.

My opinion?  Leave him.  You deserve better.  You'll ask yourself in a few years why you didn't do it earlier.

Good luck!  It's hard.  Real hard.  But put YOU first.

JLS0320

Something is definitely going on, 6 mos is a long time! I would try and see if he's willing to see a counselor w/ you or even alone. I have zero sex drive but no way would I make DH go that long, I agree it is a major part of a relationship/

ljlkm

Is he physically intimate in any way?  Because, honestly, the only reasons I can think of that would make a guy turn down sex for 6 months are that he's getting it somewhere else, he's gay, or he has some physical problem (mechanical or low sex drive).  Any of these needs to be addressed by a professional (lawyer, counselor, or doctor) and if he's unwilling to address the issue, then you do have a roommate.

nilly5

Elisa312:

to be completely honest, I've been there, done that.  and it's not good.

My ex BF was the same way.

I know it's hard to hear, but he's probably getting it somewhere else.  You say you love him?  What exactly do you love about him?  What does he love about you.

My opinion?  Leave him.  You deserve better.  You'll ask yourself in a few years why you didn't do it earlier.

Good luck!  It's hard.  Real hard.  But put YOU first.

Trust me, I've been questioning it for a while now. I've been wondering if he's been getting somewhere else or not. I'm to the point that I just dont feel like he means it when he says "I love you". Like he's just saying it because we have a kid together. I dont want to stay with someone just because we have a kid.

nilly5

ljlkm:

Is he physically intimate in any way?  Because, honestly, the only reasons I can think of that would make a guy turn down sex for 6 months are that he's getting it somewhere else, he's gay, or he has some physical problem (mechanical or low sex drive).  Any of these needs to be addressed by a professional (lawyer, counselor, or doctor) and if he's unwilling to address the issue, then you do have a roommate.

he tells me "that's just who he is" that he can go long periods of time without sex. But the thing is, most people do that when they're SINGLE. The only "intimate" thing he does is kiss me goodbye before he goes to work....that's about it. And sometimes he'll cuddle with me at night, but he did it last night and the last time he did that was before christmas...I think our connection is just not there anymore.

superherostocker

There is no such thing as a guy that can go long periods of time without sex.

ljlkm

nilly5:

ljlkm:

Is he physically intimate in any way?  Because, honestly, the only reasons I can think of that would make a guy turn down sex for 6 months are that he's getting it somewhere else, he's gay, or he has some physical problem (mechanical or low sex drive).  Any of these needs to be addressed by a professional (lawyer, counselor, or doctor) and if he's unwilling to address the issue, then you do have a roommate.

he tells me "that's just who he is" that he can go long periods of time without sex. But the thing is, most people do that when they're SINGLE. The only "intimate" thing he does is kiss me goodbye before he goes to work....that's about it. And sometimes he'll cuddle with me at night, but he did it last night and the last time he did that was before christmas...I think our connection is just not there anymore.

Has he, in fact, always been that way?

dragon_chica

ljlkm:

nilly5:

ljlkm:

Is he physically intimate in any way?  Because, honestly, the only reasons I can think of that would make a guy turn down sex for 6 months are that he's getting it somewhere else, he's gay, or he has some physical problem (mechanical or low sex drive).  Any of these needs to be addressed by a professional (lawyer, counselor, or doctor) and if he's unwilling to address the issue, then you do have a roommate.

he tells me "that's just who he is" that he can go long periods of time without sex. But the thing is, most people do that when they're SINGLE. The only "intimate" thing he does is kiss me goodbye before he goes to work....that's about it. And sometimes he'll cuddle with me at night, but he did it last night and the last time he did that was before christmas...I think our connection is just not there anymore.

Has he, in fact, always been that way?

This.  Was he like this before LO or did this happen after LO was born?  Does this behavior come in waves?  Some other possibilities to consider:

1. If he's taking some sort of medication it could be affecting his libido.

2. Possible depression or something else medical that could affect libido.

3. He's one of those guys that mentally went through a change where you're now seen as a mother and no longer a sexual being.  I've read that some men who actually see the baby come out can no longer view their wives as someone to have sex with and don't get turned on by them.

PrincessFiona9

I've also heard that, PP, about the men who can't see their children's mother as sexual beings anymore. However, I don't think that's the issue here. You've confronted him about the issue and he gave you a lame excuse. Maybe counseling would work, but between the "I don't need sex" and "I love you should be enough" comments I think he's hiding something (someone.)

LovinTim912

AshleyMichelle06:

I've also heard that, PP, about the men who can't see their children's mother as sexual beings anymore. However, I don't think that's the issue here. You've confronted him about the issue and he gave you a lame excuse. Maybe counseling would work, but between the "I don't need sex" and "I love you should be enough" comments I think he's hiding something (someone.)

yea, but if this was the case, wouldn't there be some way to overcome it?  I specifcally remember DH telling me that he didn't view my breasts as anything sexy anymore because I was nursing... but he got over it. 

Princess_Lily

Sometimes a libido is affected due to medications he is taking, is he taking any?

 

6m is a long time...You need to ask him what is going on.  Is it a medication, because unfortunatley he may be seeking sexual needs elsewhere if not meds. 

Abinormal

superherostocker:

There is no such thing as a guy that can go long periods of time without sex.

My DH can go longer periods of time without sex, but the longest time period we've been through was about a month. Question: Did he watch you give birth? Sometimes, men have a hard time having sex with a "mother", watching a woman give birth, for some men, can turn their feelings toward you away from a sexual type feeling.

chef'swife

Is he showing other signs of change?  Many people, men and women, can experience a change of sex drive if they are having issues with self confidence or mild depression.  Has he had any changes at work that might be making him feel bad.  Maybe you could talk to him about these kind of things before jumping to the 'cheating' conclusion.  If you love each other, why not try to discuss and explore all possibilities with him before heading out the door.