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TTC After a Loss
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Not sure how to respond

emmeelouemmeelou member
in TTC After a Loss
A friend sent me a message saying that we need to get together soon because we haven't seen each other in months.  It ended with "You need to see my growing boy!"  She has no clue about either loss, so I can't fault her.  We didn't tell anyone except close family and my therapist.  I'm probably just going to write back that I've been busy and will let her know when I get some free time.  But I really want to say it will be a while before I want to see any children, especially very young ones.  Bitter much?  Yeah.
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Re: Not sure how to respond

  • PachitaPachita member
    I know how you feel.  I have a friend who is due at the end of next month and she always wants to hang out. She knows about my first loss, but not about my second loss.  I hope she understands and doesn't take it too personal.

    BFP#1: 7/14/10.  EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
    BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
    BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby!                                                                                                                                           BFP #4:  2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15                                                                                                                                                                                      BFP #5:  4/5/15   EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)

    BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
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  • NY-allieNY-allie
    I'd honestly tell her about her losses and ask to get together without the baby (if she is a good friend).  I find that telling people helps and that way you don't loose a friend because you don't want to see her.
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    Missed m/c 10/25/10 @ 11.5 weeks

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  • JayandTay09JayandTay09
    Oh hun...That is tough! Maybe you could be honest with her and let her in...I find for myself being open with people about our loss helps me deal...
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  • emmeelouemmeelou member
    Thanks, y'all.  I'll consider telling her.  I don't mind telling internet strangers all about my fertility, but for some reason I'm super private about it with people I know IRL.  We were good friends in undergrad - which was more than a few years ago - so I know she would be understanding and supportive.  It's not going to ruin our friendship if I put off going to lunch for a few weeks, though.  Thanks again!
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