At the end of 2009, I was still hopeful that 2010 would be my year. Just a few months after my loss, I was thinking that I had the whole year in front of me to get pg with my take home baby. I was really optimistic that it would happen for us.
Now, a year later, and two more losses later, I am no longer hopeful. I am sitting here thinking 2011 will be just the same as 2010, full of false hope, disappointment, and possibly more losses. I just can't bring myself to be optimistic.
Is anybody else feeling this way? I am so glad 2010 is over, but I'm really not that sure 2011 will be much better.
Re: Not hopeful about 2011?
((hugs)) I worry about that too... I try to push it out of the back of my head though
I have my doubts too...but my inner optimist that hides out behind my emo-ness chants that 2011 has to be good, how much worse could it be? Emo-me says "DEATH AND DESPAIR, RAWR!" so...he's no help.
I had two losses this year and a loss last year...so my track record isn't so wonderful and I haven't had a BFP in over a year. I hope 2011 will be my year seeing they agreed to start doing testing in January...so that gives me hope.
*big hugs* I hope you find some good in your new year too
ITS A BOY!!!! Born 11/13/11 BFP #4: 10/29/12 edd 7/11/12
Dx: MFI- 3% morph
IUIs: Gonal-F + Ovidrel + b2b IUI= BFNs
IVF with ICSI= BFP! EDD 11/25/11
3/18- Beta #1 452! 3/20- Beta #2 1,026!! 3/27- First u/s- TWINS!
Our twin boys arrived at 36w5d due to IUGR and a growth discordance
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
I want to be hopeful, but I can see where all of us who have had to deal with losses (especially multiple losses) would not be hopeful.
At some point, a new year has to be better.
This!
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
((Hugs)) I'm sorry.
I am just concentrating on getting 2010 OVER. I tell myself 2011 HAS to be better, but I try not to think of it too much.
I worry about that too. I am really feeling doubtful that this cycle worked - even with 3 friggin follies. So next up will be IVF, which is a one shot deal for us. I worry what if that doesn't work? Then what? Or what if it works and it ends in another loss? Same difference - totally sucky either way. I just don't want to deal with any of this anymore.
So I hope and I pray that 2011 is a better year, a better year for me, a better year for you, for all of us. But, I am terrified at the same time that it won't be.
I feel the same way. I've lived the last few months basically living for today when I can give 2010 the middle finger and move on, but now today is here and all I am thinking about is all the losses I've had this year (my grandpa, my mom, my great uncle, and my m/c) and how there's no guarantee that anything will get better next year.
I'm trying to keep my chin up and be hopeful, but I'm not doing a very good job today.
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
Reading through everyones responses I got a little emotional. I am so sorry that you have had such a painful year.
A lot of pain for one year for all of us. My honest prayer is that all of you (and I) can find great joy in this upcoming year. There has been enough sadness and greif. I am really praying the 2011 brings us all closer to those take home babies.
Love Sarah
I'm right there with you! 2009 sucked because I had 2 losses but I was convinced 2010 would be better. 2010 sucked just as bad with another loss and a crappy diagnosis AND TTA for the remainder of the year! A friend texted me this morning all cheerful and told me that 2011 had great things in store and I just had to wait to see. I wanted to tell her to "shove it" but erased it and let her know I didn't have high expectations for 2011. I completely understand the lack of optimism.
Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
BFP #4 5/14/12
5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
I'm trying not to think like that, but it definitely crossed my mind. I also thought, well for a lot of people 2010 was a great year, they got pregnant, had their babies. And even if we all get BFPs and have babies in 2011, there will be a fresh crop of people on TTCAL bemoaning 2011 and wishing for 2012.(But we all know the world's ending then so it won't really matter.)
It is a sad thought, and sometimes it hurts more to get your hopes up than to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised with anything but that. I hope you're wrong though and 2011 is good. I hope this board becomes completely deserted by next year.