Did you do your divorce yourself?
Mrs.Keith2B
member
The more I'm thinking about it, the more I'm considering it. I really, really, really can't afford an attorney right now and I know H can't either. We've already split all personal belongings, he's agreed to take his name off the deed to our house, and I agree to pay for the car that I drive (both our names are on it). I've moved my finances to another credit union and I'm taking my name off our joint account.
I really think we can come to terms with everything on our own. The only sticky situation might be custody arrangements, as I think H might feel like he's "entitled" to more than every other weekend and alternating holidays. Which, btw, isn't even how often he sees his son right now. I'm extremely flexible and would let H takes DS on an off weekend if he has a family event or something like that, and H would do the same for me...at least he did over the holidays this month. As sort of a "buffer", I'm telling H that I won't be asking for court ordered CS, as he has been really responsible in paying for his half of daycare. I know this could change at a drop of a hat, but I also know that by telling him this it will help "keep the peace" during all of this. He's the type of person who doesn't like when he's forced to do something...like having the courts say he has to shell out money every month to me. Trust me, I have no problems filing for CS if he decides to start flaking out, but for now I feel like this is the right move.
So, if you did your own divorce, do you recommend it? Thoughts?
Re: Did you do your divorce yourself?
We are doing mediation through a collaborative divorce firm. Basically we sit down for four two-hour sessions with a lawyer and he acts as a mediator to put together our separation agreement (which will carry through the divorce). They will also be filing for divorce and taking care of anything else that needs to be done legally (like changing names). We are also able to meet with other lawyers in the firm separately if we want to obtain any legal advice/ask questions outside of the mediation sessions.
We chose this b/c it is much cheaper than separate lawyers. When all is said and done, this process will cost less than $5000. They also have a process available that's even cheaper where you basically sit down and figure out everything on your own, and they put together the legal documents But we both know that there will be a solid legal document in place. Our mediator has brought up all kinds of things to put in the agreement that I wouldn't necessarily have thought of, like spring break when DD is older, summer vacation visits, summer camp, 401k issues, etc.
So far everything has gone well with this process, and STBXH is giving me everything I want in terms of financial support, custody and visitation stuff, etc. But I told him that I wanted absolutely everything in writing in a legal document b/c I have absolutely zero trust in him anymore. I don't *think* he'd demand crazy visitation or cut off CS/alimony, but I also didn't think he'd cheat on me and leave our marriage.
And you just never know what will happen in the future. I don't want him to remarry in a few years, have a SAHW and all of the sudden think he deserves custody, or have his new wife protesting how much financial support he gives us. We're not really fighting over any issue, but I want everything in writing, and he just has to understand that he has proven himself to be untrustworthy and deal with it. As long as we are getting along(ish) and he is feeling guilty (which he SHOULD), let's get it set now instead of me having to fight for something in the future.
Hmmmm....well, I hired a lawyer because I was terrified of SD getting anything in the way of custoy, unsup. visits, etc.
The main thing is that you both agree, which is sounds like you do, on MOST things. However, my concern would be the custody AND the CS. You don't have to hire a lawyer to have CS enforced though. You can fill out the paperwork and they will serve him, then they will give a calculation based upon his income. I GUARANTEE he will have to pay more than half of daycare costs. I truthfully think you're being to nice on him on the CS thing. And, as you will learn, nice gets you nowhere.
Also, it would be good to have everything formally drawn out as far as the holidays, etc. Of course, you can always modify things to allow him to take B on certain holiday, etc, especially if you are amicable. I just want to warn you though: sometimes things change swiftly. While YOU sound incredibly adjusted and mature about everything, you don't know that H will always be so. What if you start seeing someone else and he begins acting jealous or petty? Or, if he starts seeing someone else and wants more time, etc. I'm just throwing these things out there for you to contemplate.
I would, at the very least, get some legal counsel and see how things are looking. GL!
I'd really recommend having a lawyer at least put your agreed upon outline into 'legal form'. H and I agreed upon everything from c/s, alimony, division of assets, custody and holidays, etc. I took that 3 page document to my own lawyer and he put it into an 18 page legal contract that both H and I signed. I am confident I am very protected and I definitely got more than I ever would in court.
The only two things in our legal contract that can ever be modified are the amount of time they spend with him and child support. However as long as WE agree that won't change... we are doing good working things out well between us, but technically he could fight for 50/50 if he wanted to.
DD2 11.17.08
Thanks for all of your insight, opinions and suggestions. You've given me some things to think about, that's for sure!
I found an online resource that will draft all legal documents needed to file for and finalize a divorce. I did a lot of research, and this website comes highly recommended and has a lot of credentials. The best part is that I can make any revisions I want before getting the final papers to file in the court.
This might be manipulative and/or sneaky of me, but I don't want to file for formal CS until our divorce is finalized. That will be 6-9 months from now (based on the waiting period in Michigan and if nothing is contested) and I just want that headache to be over with before I deal with formal CS. I know H well enough to know that he'll try to "get back" at me for filing for formal CS. If our divorce is final, there's not a whole lot he can do other than try to appeal custody/CS orders. H doesn't have the motivation to do anything like that -- he's always been the type to make others do the work that requires any responsibility.
I don't know...maybe I'm making a lot of assumptions on how H will react and respond to all of this. After all, he doesn't even know I want a divorce yet. My intention is to get these documents drafted, present him with them and let him know that I've "taken care of everything" and hope that he just goes along with it. If not, then I'll hire an attorney. Best case scenario, I just got a divorce finalized for $300. Worst case, I'll hire an attorney and get it taken care of!
STBXH left ME 10 months ago and has yet to take a single step on his own to advance the divorce. He's been sharing a bed with another woman for the past (at least) 10 months. Isn't she wanting him to move the process forward?
I just had a low-income, low-cost lawyer draw up the final divorce paperwork, and the amount of child support was on those lengthy form in a few different places. The CS calculation was filed as "Exhibit 2". I'm not sure how you could get around filing everything without setting a CS amount, or that it wouldn't be a massive headache to change the amount once everything was finalized.
By the way, in retrospect, I would have done everything myself. I think it's a good idea to meet with a lawyer initially, but really just so you have some peace of mind.
I have given my lawyer close to $7,000, and when all is said and done, she has not done one single thing for me aside from file for divorce, which I could have easily done on my own. All of the action has happened since I realized I didn't have another penny to give her and that I was more likely to get what I wanted if STBXH and I worked together.
My income was too high to qualify for Legal Aid or any of the low-income resources out there. However, I did qualify for something called a "Limited Resources" option at a local agency that provides very low cost family law resources. I paid a lawyer $150 to complete all of the final paperwork. The courthouse won't do this for you, and it would have cost me several hundred if my lawyer were to have done it. The paperwork is pretty tricky. I thought I'd be able to figure it out on my own and with my dad's help, since he's an attorney, but he didn't have the expertise in family law in my state. I would highly recommend looking into something like this if you don't qualify for Legal Aid.