what do you tell someone...

mc0226

who is having troubles with their marriage after only 4 or 5 months of being married??  The couple probably should have never got married.  They are miserable and fighting already.  I was trying to mind my own business but I am just curious to see what other people thought since it was so early on in the marriage. 

I am normally the type that says marriage should be forever through good and bad and you need to work through it, but I was wondering how many people would say get out now before you get too invested and bring kids into the mix because if you are having issues now it is not going to get any easier. 

I actually have 3 other friends who are divorced already at age 30 and remarried and happy with a family.  I think what if they would have stayed in that first marriage.  Would they have ended in divorce anyway if they tried to work on it more?? 

 Just curious to see other peoples opinions....

Mrs.Keith2B

You keep your opinion to yourself unless they ask you for it.  If they do, tell them that's a decision that only they can make. It's hard for an outsider to give advice when they're on the outside of the relationship, looking in, and not actually living in it day-to-day.

Is it easier to end a marriage before someone is too invested? Of course, but that doesn't mean it should a descision that is taken any lighter just because there aren't kids yet. A lot of people will say "Oh just go to counseling", but it's not that simple. If they're not the type to seek help, maybe suggest they do a program on their own (Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel is great one).

jaime5121

Sometimes there are just really rough patches.  My DH and I went through a really really rough patch because of a pregnancy loss.  I considered leaving him.  No one else knew I considered leaving him except for him.  We ended up going through some counselling, and we couldn't be happier.  I agree with PP, this is something that they need to work out on their own - you aren't there day to day and don't know what the marriage entails. 

I was one of those who was divorced and remarried before she was 30.  It was not by my choice though.  My ex-husband left me and filed for divorce.  I did not want it.  It ended up being a great thing for me though.  My point is, this is something they need to work through, you just need to be there for your friend.

sgrl

Our first year of marriage was awful. I think the "honeymoon period" is a damn lie (ok, maybe not for most people, but it was for us). It's a huge adjustment. I don't think having problems at five months out means they're doomed.

heatherlane

You definitely don't say anything unless asked, and even then I would avoid making judgments or taking sides. If you have any personal experience with weathering a rough patch in your relationship, you can offer that advice.

One thing I learned very soon after thinking that a few of my friends were "incompatible" with each other, was that you never really know what goes on in another couple's relationship.