Single Parents

if your relationship ended because your ex cheated...

How long ago was it? Are you still mad at him? How mad exactly?

It's been 10 months since my STBXH left me for another woman. I wasn't mad, then I was mad, then I wasn't, and now I'm really mad again. I was excited to think I was over it because I find anger to be really uncomfortable. I know it's a necessary step of grief, but my greatest fear is that I will be bitter and alone forever because I am so bitter. 

I'm wondering what's "normal". If you've been in this situation, can you answer the above questions please?

Re: if your relationship ended because your ex cheated...

  • It wasn't the reason my relationship ended, but DB did cheat on me once that he's admitted and probably more times than that. It's been over 2 years since he cheated and 10 months since we broke up and I'm still bitter about that incident.
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  • I filed for divorce in December 2008, and I still have moments when I could strangle the b@stard. 

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  • It's been a year and eight months since he started cheating on me.

    It's been a year and six months since he left me.

    It's been eight months since I found out there definitely was another woman.  He and she were off and on for about three months after that before they broke up for good.

    I'm only angry occasionally.  There is a lingering hurt that doesn't go away, though.  I think I'm not constantly angry because he "woke up", so to speak - he apologized for what he had done and how he treated me.  He's been in therapy for about five months as well, and I think we are both learning that this is a personality disorder issue (narcissism). 

    I think there is enough distance for me to look at the entire scope of our relationship and see where I've chosen to put his wants/needs ahead of mine because he was easier to deal with...  and how our dynamic over the ten years we were together was not necessarily healthy, and I wasn't necessarily happy.  I was happy when he was happy.

    It also helps that he hasn't had his happy ending.  He and the homewrecker aren't together.  She turned out to be, big surprise, a whore.  He is broke, his vehicle has been broken down for a month, he has very few friends, he hates his job but won't be able to work anywhere else because of the amount of child support he has to pay.

    Have you been in counseling at all?  I find that this has been helpful for me...

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  • I sure hope that what you are feeling is normal because I have the same feelings...

    It has been 3 years and 5 days since my ex cheated on me. Nope, I am not bitter at all.....Indifferent!! Ugh I wish!!! For those of ya doing the math,  yes it was xmas eve... he is fabulous isn't it? Wow, again not at all bitter! haha

    I think what hurt more than anything was my loss in actual trust in relationships. The feeling that you think you know someone more than anyone else in the world and they are keeping something that big from you like it's no big deal. He is the father of the real love of my life, and clearly we didn't cut ties when we should have, but every once in awhile I will get this pang that just hurts more than I can explain when I think about how easily he lied to me. I am not sure I will ever truly trust anyone with my whole heart again and THAT is the real reason I think I am bitter! I hope I can find someone that can prove me wrong, but I know it will take a lot of work on my part to let that go and realize (i hope) that not all of them out there are jerks.

    Sorry for the ramble but I was having a bitter moment just about two hours ago watching something stupid on tv about cheating....  I hope, for all our sakes, that this little pang goes away...

    keep your head up!  

  • How long ago was it?

    I found out they had a 'connection' (his word and he denied anything physical) on July 1.  Found out it escalated to physical on Sept 14 of this year (our 14 year anniversary together).  I have suspected something was off for a year now.

    Are you still mad at him?

     It vascillates.  I go from mad, to sorry for him because one day he'll realize what he threw away and see how broken he is, to completely fine (which is most of the time), to excited and happy about the future and meeting someone that is a better match for me. 

    How mad exactly?

    Not sure how to answer this.  Alot of the time I'm in shock that he chose 'the beast' over me and his daughters.  And much of the time I feel the need to live a better life than her - look better (this is not hard, my dog's @ss looks better than she does), feel better, and be happier. 

    DD1 01.19.07
    DD2 11.17.08

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  • I found out my XH was cheating in November of 2007, 4 months after our wedding.  We were together 6 years.

     I still feel bitter about it sometimes and want to choke the d!ckwad.  But I refuse to let that ass run my life.  Yes, I have been cautious with relationships since then.  But I've also learned to be happy with me.  Learning I don't need to rely on another person has been the most freeing thing about this whole experience.

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    How long ago was it? Are you still mad at him? How mad exactly?

    Well....my situation is kind of different.  I am certain that SD cheated on me, multiple times with multiple woman.  Who and how many, I guess I will really never know.

    I am not still mad about it, generally speaking.  But sometimes someone will bring up yet another incident that they knew about and it will make me angry.  I just try to keep in perspective that he's a complete and total douchebag, and I never really knew him.  That makes me feel better.

    I don't get too mad about it.  By the time that I found out for sure he was cheating and left, I was done.  I didn't care anymore.  I've had periods of anger but nothing too intense.

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