Dear terrible twos,Please be over soon.Signed, whits end
Dear DD from 6 months ago,I miss you. Please talk to current DD and remind her how to be sweet again.Sincerely, your exhausted mother
Dear Christmas,Please forgive me for taking down all the decorations first thing on Dec 26. The clutter was driving me insane. It's not you - it's me. You were amazing. Love, grateful
Dear Auntie,For real? Do you think I will wear a rainbow cable knit sparkly sweater with a collar bigger than was fashionable in the 1970's? I don't even think a charity would accept it if I donated it. Wow.Love, fake smile
Dear body,Please start liking yourself again. We are back on the diet/exercise bandwagon. It can only get better, right?Signed, 10 extra pounds
Please shove your request to file a complaint against me for taking sick leave and having to cancel 2 hours of your vacation up your you-know-what. Do you know how many times I have had to come in on a day off to cover for you when you have been sick? Or how many times I have been mandatoried in your place because you refuse to answer your pager that we are required to answer? I have no remorse that you had stay and work your full shift because I was sick.
Not giving a rats @$$
I really thought you were crazy for wanting to trade in our car after the battery died and we got a flat tire - both on Christmas Eve. It seemed an extreme measure to me.
However, I am SOOOO happy with our Suburban! You were right, we really should have bought this car when we got the mini-van last year. I.Was.Wrong.
Your Happy, Texas Cadillac Driving Wife!
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
Dear S (DD),
Please stop screaming/shrieking in restaurants. I've really had enough of this and you're really starting to scare Daddy into never leaving the house. I'm not scared of you or the stares from others, so if you're trying to get out of going to Outback, it isn't working.
Please keep cooking until our scheduled c-section date in March, mainly because I heart my doctor and he's the only one I want to deliver you. KThanks.
Thank you for the rocking horse that you gave DD for Christmas that is so big she may be able to finally use it when she is 6. The f*cker takes up a ton of room and I know it came from a garage sale and is in no way a family heirloom. I'm so sorry I didn't act excited when you said it was for her. Your thoughtfulness when it comes to gifts never ceases to amaze me.
Dear teething process: you really suck. Please be gentler to DS and let us all sleep.
Dear DH: thank you for rubbing my back while I bawled last night. I know you're not getting much sleep either and I really appreciate your support.
Dear me; be easy on yourself. It's not fun having the stomach bug and a head cold back-to-back along with a teething infant. If you need to drop some BFing sessions and use more formula, DS will be fine. This too shall pass.
Joining in late....
Thank your for your once again insincere 'offer' to watch DS. Since you can't ever say yes the 4 times we've asked you in 2 years and never offer at appropriate times I'm not handing him over to you when BIL/SIL have already offered to watch him so he can have a play date with his cousin while we sleep in. Nice of you to 'offer' though while others were around to see you do it....maybe next time offer when we need someone and not always wait till you know we will say 'no thank you' in front of your family.
A DIL who has had enough of your bs
Dear other SIL:
Dude, I know you didn't get me a bday gift. In fact you were a total witch the week of my birthday. So don't tell me at family Christmas a month later that you 'forgot to grab it from home'. You've used that excuse for 3 years running. Don't worry - you don't have to buy me anything. Oh, and the least you and BIL can do is pay attention to who got each child what at Christmas if you aren't going to say thank you or teach them to say thank you.
You SIL who has seen the light
Enough already. Ease up.
I wanna win the lotto!