Deciding on a third?

fallplanner

 I have two sons, 3 1/2 and 11 months. I am 35 right now. Financially it would make sense for us to not have anymore children.  We could afford another child, but my husband is worried about the future, education and trips etc.  I cannot stop thinking about having a third child though.  I am 35 now and realistically we'd have to wait about a year, so that I could go back to work for a bit.  My question is if you decided to have a third child, how did you decide?  Did you follow your head or your heart?  My head says, no way, are you crazy?  Two is busy...two makes sense...we have two hands...two parents...the world is made for families of four.  The list of pros for having two children is endless.  However, my heart says, go for a third....I don't know, should I just stop worrying about it and let fate take over....I think about this almost every day....

*Chicken*

*coming out of lurking*

The decision for us to have three kids was made for us (I'm currently pregnant with triplets with the help of injections) so we didn't even have to think about it.  While I'm very happy and feel blessed about our soon to be family of 5, I'm not going to lie, it can be very overwhelming.

Granted having all three at once is probably more overwhelming than one at a time but I'm on the side of your husband...I'm more worried about the financial aspect than my husband is (probably because I'm a worrier when there is nothing to worry about). How will we afford college for three kids?  We aren't really vacationy type people but I'm sure we will want too when the kids are older...how will that work financially?  We have to buy a new car...most likely a mini-van . Three cribs...three this and that.   

Ugh..it's overwhelming. 

 

Anyway, I'm also of the thought that a spouse not wanting another kid trumps a spouse wanting another kid.   It just seems like a bad idea if you have to talk him into another kid especially if he's against it (and he does have valid reasons).

 

Just my $.02. 

 

JilliansMoma

I have always wanted a big family and thankfully so does DH. We had to do IVF for our second baby and I told DH I wouldn't leave "frosties" in limbo if we have any left over we will use them.  He completely understood where I was coming from (thank goodness) Luckily we are financially OK to do this and have loads of family support.

GL with whatever you decide.  I agree with Chicken though if you are not both on the same page it could be disastrous.

Chicken it is good to see you hope all is well your three little ones!! 

Melett

I have been going back and forth forever too and I really like the forum on havingthreekids.com... Also, my doctor offeredhis advice and said he thinks it is a heart decision not a head one and you will confuse yourself going over the pros and cons so much..

itsmevkb

I've always gone with  my heart and have been trying like crazy to have a third.  Financially and in other ways you're right, it makes no sense, but if you feel strongly in your heart that you want a third then it is right no matter what else your brain thinks.  All those other details (money, trips, managing three, etc.) will work themselves out.

kelsey-K

I am a total lurker on this board, but had to come out of hiding to say thanks.  I just turned 36 last week and have been struggling with this too.  I think you just have to go with your heart--I've never heard anyone say they regret having another baby.  I seem to just hear "I wish we'd done it".  Good luck--and remember, you have lots of time for this decision.  Women are having healthy babies well into their 40s and beyond!

TrapperJenn

I've always wanted three children, but over the summer I let my "head" win and convinced myself that two was enough/right/sensible.  Well, I was miserable.  My husband and I talked about it and decided we'd just see what happens.  I'm glad we followed our hearts, because #3 is on his/her way and I couldn't be happier!

Peppernut

It's a heart thing, to me.

You don't necessarily have to hurry your decision, if you haven't had fertility issues.  I am almost 43, and pregnant with our second.  I'm not making light of those who do have issues, I am just saying 35 is not fertility poison for every woman.  Give yourself and your husband a little more time to let the idea simmer, it seems like making a decision right now is causing you all kinds of bio-clock stress.

Good luck!