XP: Just talked to H

vera1127

He basically told me in one breath that he wants me to give him time to see what he wants but that I can not tell him to move out. Are you effing kidding me??? I am beyond pissed. He is walking all over me and I am NOT having it. I am so done. I'll be contacting a lawyer tomorrow.

achase123

Yup, good call.  Put your foot down and take back control.  I am proud of you!  Sometimes we make the best decisions when we are angry.  That sounds wrong but what is happening is you are thinking with your head, not your heart.  He's treating you with disrespect, disregard, and completely taking you for granted.  Time to figure out your next move.

r9stedt

achase123:

Yup, good call.  Put your foot down and take back control.  I am proud of you!  Sometimes we make the best decisions when we are angry.  That sounds wrong but what is happening is you are thinking with your head, not your heart.  He's treating you with disrespect, disregard, and completely taking you for granted.  Time to figure out your next move.

 

Mrs.Keith2B

Achase said it perfectly. Some of the best decisions are made when we're so pissed we could spit nails. Stay strong!

vera1127

He said so many things that showed me how things "really" are tonight...

* "Did you ever think I've been working so much and haven't been home because I don't want to be?" (No, I hadn't, because when I asked you this before you told me that you were working so much to support us not because you didn't love us)

* "Yes, I'm in control of all of this" (Not anymore, dbag)

* "You don't care about how I feel" (No, not at all. That's why I have done nothing but things that hurt ME to protect YOU the past few days...because I don't care about you)

* "You're making my own mother turn against me." (Um, did you ever think that if your own mother is telling you that you're a fvcked up a-hole that maybe you are??)

Ugh.

r9stedt

One other word of advice, I know you are close with your MIL (so was I), but she could very well turn to protect her blood.  Right or wrong that might be, but sometimes it happens.  Did in my case.   She sounds like an awesome support system, so I hope it doesn't, but I would be very careful of what you say to her.

achase123

coraandmike:

He said so many things that showed me how things "really" are tonight...

* "Did you ever think I've been working so much and haven't been home because I don't want to be?" (No, I hadn't, because when I asked you this before you told me that you were working so much to support us not because you didn't love us)

* "Yes, I'm in control of all of this" (Not anymore, dbag)

* "You don't care about how I feel" (No, not at all. That's why I have done nothing but things that hurt ME to protect YOU the past few days...because I don't care about you)

* "You're making my own mother turn against me." (Um, did you ever think that if your own mother is telling you that you're a fvcked up a-hole that maybe you are??)

Ugh.

Ummm, wow.  He's completely delusional.  Possibly narcissistic with sociopathic tendencies.  Definitely on a power trip.  Not anymore, hee hee!

vera1127

achase123:

coraandmike:

He said so many things that showed me how things "really" are tonight...

* "Did you ever think I've been working so much and haven't been home because I don't want to be?" (No, I hadn't, because when I asked you this before you told me that you were working so much to support us not because you didn't love us)

* "Yes, I'm in control of all of this" (Not anymore, dbag)

* "You don't care about how I feel" (No, not at all. That's why I have done nothing but things that hurt ME to protect YOU the past few days...because I don't care about you)

* "You're making my own mother turn against me." (Um, did you ever think that if your own mother is telling you that you're a fvcked up a-hole that maybe you are??)

Ugh.

Ummm, wow.  He's completely delusional.  Possibly narcissistic with sociopathic tendencies.  Definitely on a power trip.  Not anymore, hee hee!

I believe I used the words "demented" and "twisted" in my conversation with him tonight.

vera1127

r9stedt:

One other word of advice, I know you are close with your MIL (so was I), but she could very well turn to protect her blood.  Right or wrong that might be, but sometimes it happens.  Did in my case.   She sounds like an awesome support system, so I hope it doesn't, but I would be very careful of what you say to her.

Thanks, I have thought about this. I told her today that if he didn't come around soon I would take legal action. Her response was "I know - this just sucks". She understands...for now anyway.

BostonGayGal

As a lawyer people are surprised when I say this, but go to the court yourself and LEARN about uncontested divorce.  You will want a lawyer and all of that, but using them to learn the basics costs you a lot and going there yourself and getting advice from people there can be empowering.  

Also, if you start by NOT making it an adversarial process he might agree to your terms which cuts the attorney bill by at least half.  What drives up costs is the bickering between the parties.  I have seen many simple divorces that could be done for $2000 cost upwards of $15K because the parties simply wanted to annoy one another.

vera1127

BostonGayGal:

As a lawyer people are surprised when I say this, but go to the court yourself and LEARN about uncontested divorce.  You will want a lawyer and all of that, but using them to learn the basics costs you a lot and going there yourself and getting advice from people there can be empowering.  

Also, if you start by NOT making it an adversarial process he might agree to your terms which cuts the attorney bill by at least half.  What drives up costs is the bickering between the parties.  I have seen many simple divorces that could be done for $2000 cost upwards of $15K because the parties simply wanted to annoy one another.

Thanks for your advice

dimake

Yeah, he just wants to have his cake and eat it too.  Good for you for taking the steps to protect yourself and your baby!

vera1127

Thanks ladies