Send wedding invite to SDs?

CurlyQ284

I know this is a minor minor issue but I felt like people on the knot wouldn't be as helpful.  I have been with FI for almost 5 years. SDs will be 6 and 8 at the time of the wedding, they will be junior bridesmaids (or flower girls depending on what they want to do).  They live with their mother far away.  Our relationship with their mother is fragile, sometimes she is nice and very cooperative, other times she is hostile & she freaks out (she will not be invited to the wedding because we don't know if she'll freak out).

FI wants to send a wedding invitation to his daughters thinking they will get a kick out of it and will feel grown up getting their own invitation.  I think that might be like rubbing into his ex's face and I'd like to piss her off as little as possible since things are so peaceful when she's nice!  Thoughts?

mhwood

I think that's a nice idea...but I agree that you don't want to ruffle feathers especially if she is unpredictable.

Maybe making them a shadow box with a copy of the invitation, some of the flowers used, a picture of them with their dad (or their dad and you...depending on what you feel comfortable with) as well as one with their grandparents or aunts and uncles...something like that.

I know my DD loved the one that we made for her, we took a picture with my whole side of the family and put that in there...she thought it was cool to have that picture.

Littlejen22

I agree with you, risky.

hindsight's_a_biotch

Mail it to yourself with the girls' names on them, one for each of them. Then put them back in the mailbox on a day when you have the girls and let them bring in the mail.

That way they get an invitation mailed especially to them but bm doesn't have to have a coniption.

CurlyQ284

Oooh good ideas, I NEVER would have thought to mail it to ourselves, I'm really not creative!  Thanks so much!

Mrs.Sesa

I think hindsight's got the best plan.

SUwife

Send it to yourself.  I have a thank you card for my baby shower for SD at my house.  Of course I forgot to give it to her the day before she left (I had just written them), so right now it's on her dresser waiting for her next visit.

I didn't pay for the stamp though, I figure I'll just give it to her when I get the mail one day.

j+k

You've been with him five years and she still freaks out over this kind of stuff??? How many years have they been divorced?

It's about time she get over it and grow up.

Given the situation, send it to your house like hindsight suggested. It's a good compromise, but it's time you address her little hissies and getting all bent out of shape over stuff like this.  She's a grown woman. Time to stop coddling and treat her like one - and ignore her tantrums.

CurlyQ284

Yeah I know right?  I don't know what her problem is.  I get the feeling she thinks he's been dating different people.  When we first started dating she flipped out and tried to call me but dialed some other girl whose bf had the same name and cussed her out.  The kids talk about me, and my name hasn't changed but then when we got engaged she said "I guess I thought he'd wait till you'd been together at least 5 years." umm......

Anyway, at the last custody/support mediation, she told the judge that since we share living expenses she should get more money cause we could always "live in a one bedroom apartment and the girls could 'camp out' in the living room".  Not like we aren't paying out the butt already but she wants my money too!  Judge laughed at her and said as far as he was aware I didn't give birth SDs so I don't owe her any money.

So now things are fine, we've all been following the CO to a T, but I really don't want her to flip out again.  PLEASE let her start dating someone ASAP!  Anyway, thanks for the advice!

CurlyQ284

Oh and to answer your question, they've been seperated for 6 years, divorced for about 5.