Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Bitter and falling apart...party of one...

When someone is sent to the hospital by their OB with an obvious ectopic pregnancy that has ruptured or very near rupturing with the shoulder pain that indicates internal bleeding would you let them lay in L&D triage for 6 hours with no pain medicine of any sort and not them what is going on at all...just sending them for an ultrasound and a pelvic exam? Where the midwife there says everything actually "looks good" on the pelvic and you hear a good heartbeat on the ultrasound thing and nobody tells you you are hearing your own heartbeat not the baby's?  Can you tell I'm a little bitter?

I really just want to know why I was allowed to lay their in severe pain for 6 hours then all of a sudden rushed into "emergency surgery"? And why I was never told what was going on or what they suspected? They didn't seem to urgent before that...and they gave me two shots of daladed (not spelled correctly I am sure but its sounds like that) like 10 minutes before the surgery anesthisia so I feel like its pretty crappy they didn't give me anything before ..they obviously weren't concerned about it mixing or something....nobody will give me a straight answer and I'm desperate. As you can see I am not handling this well at all.......

Re: Bitter and falling apart...party of one...

  • PS TMI...my Dh won't come near me...we are sleeping apart...I don't know whats going on in his head...he says he not in the mood but I "caught" him this morning...if you catch my meaning.  I really think the blood transfusion that everyone convinced me to have because I really needed it has him freaked out about aids or something which is what I was freaked about and didn't want to do it but he promised me it would be ok and it didn't matter to him.. 

    He even said that he didn't care and we would go on like normal and he would feel bad if I got something and he was the one that convinced me to do it so he said that if I got it he would get it too so bascially no testing or anything after the transfusion.  now its like he has changed his mind and I'm scared.....everyone is coming out of this situation fine but me...I am the one with the scars and the pain and not being able to sleep except with pain pills and the emotional stuff and now my husband won't touch me for fear that Ihave aids or something from a transfusion I didn't even want to get but everyone including docs told me too.


    I am getting sad since our first babies due date is Oct. 6 and I had already picked out halloween costumes and such and I was telling him last night why I was sad and he said he didn't even think of stuff like that..he didn't even know the due date and never thought about it.....

    God I am falling apart......please help me even though I feel like you haven't been there for me lately...where were you when my babies were dying and I was in pain?  Where are you now when my marriage is falling apart?  Where are you?

  • I am so sorry, My heart goes out to you. I will be praying for you.
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  • That is so much to deal with and it is understandable that your emotions are all over the place. I don't have an answers for you, but definitely feel for you. do you have anyone to talk to that understands or a counselor? I went to one after my second and it helped me. It is still horribly sad to go through this and it is a grieving process. If it is any consolation, my husband also didn't know when the EDD was and brought me to tears when I realized he had no clue. It is just very different for them. It hasn't been until the most recent one that he seems to really be feeling for the baby and not just for me. I hope you two get in a better place.
  • I am so sorry. I am going through my 3rd m/c right now. My DH has been very supportive THIS TIME...but we have practice. With my 1st 2 m/c's, he freaked out and got totally drunk. He fell down the steps and broke his hand during my 1st m/c...so I had to take him to the ER as I was bleeding to death.

    Men have a very hard time dealing with this as well. He might be trying to give you your space, but he is grieving as well. I hope you feel better soon. (((((((HUGS)))))))

    m/c 6/05
    m/c 9/06
    m/c 9/08

  • I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I know that it can be hard, but hang in there. You'll be stronger when you make it through. The medical staff sounded horrible. Please let you doctor know that you were less than happy with him/her. We are here for you.
  • First of all I'm sorry for your loss. I am currently going through my second miscarriage. I think it is ridiculous to assume you might have gotten something from the blood transfusion. We live in a different time then we did even a year ago. Even if the hospital sucked it has procedures higher than them for blood. That blood might have saved your life. I'm sorry your dh is being an -ss. Maybe he just does not know how to deal with everything. It is no excuse for him to push you away during this time. Try letting him know how much he is adding to your pain. I also think you could benefit with someone to talk to. I am and it helps alot. I don't know why we are dealt the deck we get. I am angry and feel abandoned my God but I still have faith because I need something to believe. I hope you get the strength you need. I take pills t sleep to and sometimes in the day. Sometimes we need a little help. Hugs and hang in there.
  • I am so sorry you are going through this.  I don't have any answers for you.  I have no idea why the medical profession is evasive and doesn't inform patients of basically anything.  The hundreds of law suits got them scared and now they make you sign a two page, 6pt font print, statement of risks that will probably never happen... yet they won't have an open and candid conversation and give a direct answer to questions.

    Your husband probably doesn't know what to do with himself.  I think that a couselor could help you... preferably if you go together.  People have marriages ruined over this kind of loss... it is more difficult emotionally than many people realize and it should be taken very seriously.  You need his support.  Know that you aren't alone in feeling this way.  You have gone through a really traumatic experience and it will take time and compassion and understanding to heal emotionally and physically.  I wish you all the best.  We are always here... ((hugs)) 
    Fortunate to be a SAHM to my 3 musketeers (5/2006, 5/2010 & 12/2011). Soy & dairy free for the 3rd and final time. Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers imageimage
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