Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

here's a (hopefully) new question...

I know that a lot of us wait to tell our friends and other family members about our pregnancies until week 12. Unfortunately, some of us did not or will not make it there. Do you tell them what happened, or cope with only the people you originally told?

I told our parents and 3 or 4 close friends. I wasn't thinking how excited my mom would be to be a grandmother, and she went out and told basically the whole world. Now she has to "untell them". She says it's okay, that these things happen and people understand. Sometime's I'd rather these people not know at all so that it doesn't get brought up every time I see them.
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Re: here's a (hopefully) new question...

  • I told the people I am close with about things not working out...as far as the others, it is your choice. I am a teacher and my friend told me some of the teachers are "nosing" around and that I don't like. I think it is fine not to tell that at all. GL!


    3 m/c's

  • We had told a few close friends, our parents and my sister.  We were waiting to tell DH's siblings when his sister would up from Florida in a few weeks.  DH's mom asked yesterday if we planned to tell his siblings what happened and we said no.  I really don't know what would be worse, having them ask all the time how I'm doing or having them talk about babies and ask if I'm pregnant all the time since they don't know.

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  • Rose...I am a teacher too, and I know what you mean about people nosing around. I have a lot of people say "you've been out a lot lately what's going on?" and I just tell them I'm having some problems. I know there is some talking, but the few people at work who do know, I know will keep it to themselves. I had to tell my grade level members because we're supposed to be doing a lot of things together and I kept saying I couldn't be there...I think they were starting to get frustrated until I told them what was going on. Now they are super supportive. I also had to tell my admin since they kept giving me funny looks about taking days for doctor appts. When I finally explained they were very understanding. It's the people who want to know just b/c they HAVE to know EVERYTHING that get on my nerves.
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  • Since this was my second it was easier I told the people I was closest to and I'm pretty sure they told know one. That way you don't have to tell everyone the bad news. Next time it will probably be different for you, you probably won't tell as many people.
  • It was a first pregnancy for me.  So we basically told our family and friends, and I had already told my work--adding that we were still waiting for a heartbeat.  I even registered at 4 weeks.  And my work was going to give me a baby shower.  Everyone was really understanding when we told them that I had a miscarriage.  And I still kept the registries--been finetuning them and keep pushing out the due date-hopefully one day there will be a final due date with a beautiful healthy baby!
    imageimageLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image BFP on 07/18/08. Miscarriage 07/30/08. BFP 3/25/09. Confirmed second miscarriage, no heartbeat, no growth beyond 7 weeks, 5/19/09. TTC again, on baby aspirin, due to value of 23 on Anticardiolipin Antibodies. BFP 11/15/09. Brown spotting, Beta 3735 11/25/09, Beta 5602 11/28/09. Anticardiolipin Antibodies now negative, still on baby asprin. On 100 mg of Prometrium (progesterone) until 10 weeks. Good heartbeat at 1st appt. 12/16/09. Started taking fish oil. Perigestational hemorrhage and red bleeding 12/17/09. 2nd Ultrasound-8 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/17/09. Baby measured 9 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/23/09. Good NT Scan on 1/8/10, heartbeat 164. EDD 7/28/10. TEAM BLUE! Aidan Thomas born on May 26, 2010. Baby #2, BFP 11/27/11, EDD 6/5/12. TEAM PINK! Noelle Elizabeth born 4/30/12. Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God.
  • By the time we lost out little one everyone knew I was pregnant. We usually wait until 10-12 weeks to tell and we did this time around as well. Last cycle I had a CP I did tel a friend and both my sisters even though no one but dh knew about our BFP. I need to talk about what happens to me so I picked people I knew would understand, yk?

    Anyway, you have to do what feels right. For future pregnancies we are going to go ahead a tell once we get our first u/s at 6/7 weeks if everything looks well. I don't see myself shouting it off the rooftops or anything, but we will tell friends and family.
  • We were around 11 weeks and starting to spread the word. I wish we hadn't, not that people aren't considerate, but I hate knowing that everyone else knows. Next time I'll want to wait longer.
    2 girls and a dog
  • I think it is especially hard when you are a teacher. Obviously, you like kids.

    It just sucks. My friend got very upset last week because the gym coach was in her face demanding to know what was wrong with me. And she told him to get out of her room...It might be out of concern, but not really. I personally could not care less when someone is absent, nor would I ask anyone what was wrong..unless it was one of my CLOSE friends.

  • I was almost 13 weeks when we found out about the missed m/c, so EVERYONE knew.  We heard the hearbeat at 8 weeks so we told away.  Everyone at my work and all our family and friends.  So to tell them that it is over was so hard.  I made my boss tell all my coworkers before I came back into the office as I didn't want to have to say it over and over again.  Next time around, we will wait until after 12 weeks. :(

  • Cora---your feelings are so fresh right now that it may hurt to talk about it. After having RPL I'm grateful to those who do want to talk about it because it lets me know that they haven't forgotten. Because trust me many people will or they act like it didn't happen. It sucks.

    Anyway...your question and my answer....its totally up to you it has to be your decision but we only told those who knew that we were pregnant and later told others as I felt comfortable. GL with whatever you decide. We are here if you need anything!
    ~Jess & Mike May 12, 2007
    12.6.07 CP at 5w
    5.21.08 BO discovered at 7w, D&E at 8w3d
    8.31.08 CP at 4w5d
    BFP Sept 25, 2008 bfp buddy lkstor Landon born June 6, 2009
    3.25.11 missed m/c discovered at 9w6d, D&E at 10w2d
    4.28.11 MTHFR a1298c homozygous discovered
    4.2011 Began NaProTechnology
    10.12.11 Diagnosed with Type III Luteal Phase Defect
    10.2011 Starting hcg injections on 5, 7 & 9 dpo
    BFP 12.7.11 - EDD 8.14.12 - IT'S A BOY! Fruit Baby
    Life During and After RPL
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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