Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Am I a Horrible Person?

For not being able to possibly concieve of how i am going to love my neices once tehy are born....I had a miscarriage a month ago and in that month both my sister and sister in law have announced they are preganant. I am devistated and want to just curl up and die. To top it all off DH is deployed and now doesnt know if or when he wants to try again and getting pregnant is the only thing that i feel is going to make this depression go away. I cant stand seeing pregnant lady;s baby;s or anything. It took 3 years for this little "accident" to happen and I am devistated:(

Re: Am I a Horrible Person?

  • I really don't think that you are a horrible person.  My SIL announced she was pregnant and is due about a month after my original EDD.  I don't think that I can see her, she already has a two year old and I had to go visit about a week after my first m/c and it was really hard.  I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs))).  Did your sister and SIL know about your situation?
  • They Both knew...and the kicker is that SIL is only 20 years old! She isnt' even married yet either...next month is her wedding. i dont know how i will ever cope with 2 baby showers, two growing bellies and on both sides of the family. I feel i cant even be around any family during the holidays cause it is coming at me from both sides...AND hubby is deployed which makes it even worse:(
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  • I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better.  Can you just not go?  I know how you feel and you aren't being a horrible person.  I feel like I may ignore my SIL at Thanksgiving, she is a b@%ch anyway.  I am sorry about your DH being gone too, you shouldn't have to deal with this alone.   (((hugs)))
  • Thanks. Just knowing there are others who are going through it too helps! I am sorry she is such a B! Hopefully we can all get through this holiday season in one piece!
  • I don't think you're a horrible person.  For me, it's not seeing babies that upsets me, but seeing pregnant women.  All I think of is that should be me, I would look about that size, things like that.  So you need to take the time that YOU need to heal, w/o worrying about what others may think.  I know it's hard, I'm dealing with it too.  But you're definitely not a horrible person!

  • Thank you so all so much. It helps to hear i am not crazy...and yes, both my SIL and Sister are pregnant now, so seeing both of them the whole 9 months i will be thinking...that should be me since they both got preg within one month of my m/c :(
  • I do not think that you are a horrible person.  It is understandable that you are upset about your miscarriage. 

    Your nieces have not done anything to not be loved though.  In fact, they are a miracle of being a successful pregnancy, and you may find comfort and practice just loving them and being happy that they are healthy.  I believe that it is a family and relatives that help to raise and guide that child.  

    imageimageLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image BFP on 07/18/08. Miscarriage 07/30/08. BFP 3/25/09. Confirmed second miscarriage, no heartbeat, no growth beyond 7 weeks, 5/19/09. TTC again, on baby aspirin, due to value of 23 on Anticardiolipin Antibodies. BFP 11/15/09. Brown spotting, Beta 3735 11/25/09, Beta 5602 11/28/09. Anticardiolipin Antibodies now negative, still on baby asprin. On 100 mg of Prometrium (progesterone) until 10 weeks. Good heartbeat at 1st appt. 12/16/09. Started taking fish oil. Perigestational hemorrhage and red bleeding 12/17/09. 2nd Ultrasound-8 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/17/09. Baby measured 9 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/23/09. Good NT Scan on 1/8/10, heartbeat 164. EDD 7/28/10. TEAM BLUE! Aidan Thomas born on May 26, 2010. Baby #2, BFP 11/27/11, EDD 6/5/12. TEAM PINK! Noelle Elizabeth born 4/30/12. Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God.
  • :::HUGS::: I'm so sorry that you are struggling with this. It doesn't mean you are a horrible person. Have you considered talking to a therapist?
    ~Jess & Mike May 12, 2007
    12.6.07 CP at 5w
    5.21.08 BO discovered at 7w, D&E at 8w3d
    8.31.08 CP at 4w5d
    BFP Sept 25, 2008 bfp buddy lkstor Landon born June 6, 2009
    3.25.11 missed m/c discovered at 9w6d, D&E at 10w2d
    4.28.11 MTHFR a1298c homozygous discovered
    4.2011 Began NaProTechnology
    10.12.11 Diagnosed with Type III Luteal Phase Defect
    10.2011 Starting hcg injections on 5, 7 & 9 dpo
    BFP 12.7.11 - EDD 8.14.12 - IT'S A BOY! Fruit Baby
    Life During and After RPL
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • You are not horrible.  My SIL found out she was pregnant again right before my first miscarriage.  They told everyone, but me, right away.  They already have a one year old and now they have another healthy baby, born a few weeks after my first EDD and the week of my 3rd loss.  They got pregnant right away all three times and I have a VERY hard to going to see them.  I pretty much avoid them all the time.  I just can't deal with it right now and I think a lot of us feel the same way.
    7 mm/c
    APS, hetero factor v leiden & MTHFR
    bfp #1 - 12.11.07, edd 8.14.08, mm/c 1.21.08 (10w4d)
    bfp #2 - 4.4.08, edd 12.3.08, mm/c 5.14.08 (11w)
    bfp #3 - 8.3.08, edd 4.15.09, mm/c 9.17.08 (10w)
    bfp #4 - 1.15.09, edd 9.26.09, mm/c 2.16.09 (8w2d)
    bfp #5 - 6.16.09, edd 2.25.10, mm/c 7.23.09 (9w)
    bfp #6 - 8.12.10, edd 4.27.11, mm/c 9.16.10 (8w1d)
    one more try -> bfp #7 - 2.11, our miracle baby boy arrived 10.11
    ttc again -> bfp #8 - 5.3.13, edd 1.13.14, mm/c 5.30.13 (7w3d)
    bfp #9 - 9.23.13, our miracle baby girl arrived 5.29.14

  • You are not a horrible person. Your feelings are natural. You deal with it how you need to deal with it.
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  • Not a horrible person at all. My nephew was born while we were dealing with our mcs and when I went to see him, I literally almost broke down and cried.

    Luckily, if you aren't ready to be a hands on aunt yet, they will never remember that early time. And your sister and SIL should understand....

  • Thank you everyone so much.I should have said neices or nephews as i dont konw yet what they are having. Maybe i am psycic! Anything to put a positive spin on my life right now.
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