Feel bad...vent

mrs.n22

So I made a calendar for our parents. I spent a lot of time on it. Tons. So I asked dh to look at it today, and he said "I'll see it when it's opened". I asked him again and he flipped out at me and stormed upstairs. So I went up and said I don't want to be married anymore. I feel awful that I said that, but lately I feel we are like roomates. It's not like it used to be. Im just venting.

shellybell15

Ugh, I said this to H a few months ago. I felt awful. We were having a very rough patch. I did apologize for what I said, but explained why I felt that way in the moment. We ended up having a very long (and much needed) talk. Things have been a lot better since. Sorry you feel this way and hope things work out.

Emilia0101

 Hang in there. I have come to the conclusion that some things that matter to me don't matter him as much and vice versa. I think I found the secret to a happy relationship a few years ago and when I say happy I do not mean perfect at all.

 

Live life under the assumption that you can not control the actions of other people, you can only control the way you react to their actions. Once I became aware of that it made me really think more about how I deal with the little things and not let it get to me. 

Lucky428

Hang in there.  We all say things we don't mean.  That would really hurt to put so much time, effort, and thought into something and then have your husband brush it off.  I would be hurt.

Give yourself time to breath.  If things have been rough, maybe it's time for some counseling.

I'm sorry he reacted like that.

mrs.n22

Thank you. I just get upset he does not care. And when I told him how I feel his reply was, "get over it"

Lucky428

mrs.n22:

Thank you. I just get upset he does not care. And when I told him how I feel his reply was, "get over it"

OUCH!  Do you think something else is bothering him?  I would feel the exact same way as you.  I would want my husband to appreciate all of the hard work for a gift for the families.  It sounds like there might be something else bothering him.  "Get over it," is hurtful.  I'm sorry...

mrs.n22

He is stressed about money and work, but he should not take it out on me. He also tells me he helps out soooo much around the house, but I have to nag him to do anything!!! I went up to say sorry (like I always do) and he said he does not want to talk. Whatever.

Lucky428

mrs.n22:

He is stressed about money and work, but he should not take it out on me. He also tells me he helps out soooo much around the house, but I have to nag him to do anything!!! I went up to say sorry (like I always do) and he said he does not want to talk. Whatever.

The stress about money and work makes sense, but you're right -- he absolutely should not take it out on you.  You are partners and he should confide in you, not snap at you. 

You're a teacher right?  Since you are both working parents, then housework should be split 50/50.  Maybe make a chore chart and give him say in which chores he would like to be responsible for.  Maybe when he sees the sheer amount of chores that have to be done to keep the household running, he will realize that maybe he doesn't do as much as he thinks. 

As for right now, just step back and let him be pissed.  He sounds like he's in a foul mood and there's nothing you can do to change that.  

Honestly, I don't see why you have any reason to apologize, so stop apologizing.  

Linz29

I know that when things get a little stressful at work for DH he sometimes takes it out on me.  I'm sorry that is happening to you.  Everyone goes through rough patches and says things that they regret.  Try to focus on the exciting next few days and take joy in how much fun Jack will have. 

mrs.n22

I just feel like lately I don't even care if we stay together, and that makes me sad. I don't want to be a couple who stays together just "for the kids".

Lucky428

mrs.n22:

I just feel like lately I don't even care if we stay together, and that makes me sad. I don't want to be a couple who stays together just "for the kids".

If that's really how you feel, then it is time for counseling.  It could be a phase, or it could be how things truly are.   If you have a bad marriage, then that is not good for your son.

I wish I had more advice.  Hugs to you! 

mrs.n22

Thank you. I will look into it. We don't usually fight, but we just don't show any affection either. I just want the old us back.

Lucky428

mrs.n22:

Thank you. I will look into it. We don't usually fight, but we just don't show any affection either. I just want the old us back.

Then that's a great reason to pursue counseling.  That means you still really want you and DH to work out.  I'm so sorry you're going through this and I wish I had more to contribute.

Having a baby brings so much stress on a relationship and I hope you two can work through it. 

sarcole530

I'm sorry. Sometimes things slip out that we don't necessarily mean. What was his response? Is everything okay now? It sounds like maybe you should sit down with him and tell him what you told us -- that you feel lie roomates lately and things aren't like they used to be. Maybe he doesn't even realize this and things can change. OR, maybe he feels the same way? I'd just talk to him. GL. I hope things get better for you!