XP: Am I in the wrong here?

excitedforlittleone

I've been wanting a DSLR for over a year (you might have seen my bummed post earlier).  I asked for one for Christmas last year and DH bought me a point in shoot.  I told him numerous times again this year I wanted a DSLR for Christmas and he still didn't get me one.  He thinks it's a waste of money. 

I told him that if he didn't get me one for Christmas I was just going to go buy myself one since it's something I've been wanting for over a year.  Well today I went and bought one and when he came home and saw it he got all pissed off.  Now he's lying on the couch pouting and ignoring me.

Am I in the wrong for buying the camera for myself?  I don't see the big deal.  I even paid for it with my own money (we have seperate accounts but taht really isn't the issue here).

tarebear9891

It depends on if it was in your budget and how you usually 'approve' expenses. My DH and I have to approve any purchase over $100 so he would definitely get mad if I did that. If you could afford to do it and not take money away from what you usually put into the household then you aren't in the wrong.

emiliemadison

I dont think you're wrong for buying the camera for yourself since you can afford it and have wanted it for a while. But I think it was a touch b!tchy to buy it today and show it to him. I wouldnt have shown him I would have wrapped it up and put it under tree with a tag that said it was to you from Santa. Or, it's possible he actually bought it for you and you just screwed him.

SailorGray

I didn't see your other post about it, but are you sure he didn't get you one for Christmas? If you are, then I see no harm in buying your own.

LilyGrad09

you couldn't wait two days to make sure he didn't get one for you?

Pier1girl

I would have waited to make sure he didn't get it for Christmas also.  Plus they will probably go on sale in January anyway so it was kind of dumb to get one now.  But whatever, he'll get over it I'm sure. 

dragon_chica

formerlyknownaseflo:

I told him that if he didn't get me one for Christmas I was just going to go buy myself one since it's something I've been wanting for over a year.  Well today I went and bought one and when he came home and saw it he got all pissed off.  Now he's lying on the couch pouting and ignoring me.

If I were your DH I would have interpreted that statement as meaning you will buy it for yourself AFTER Christmas since the contingency was for him to buy it FOR Christmas.  So you buying it before Christmas arrived is kinda reneging on your ultimatum.  Could it possible that he bought it for you but played it off as if he wasn't going to so you would be even more surprised?  And because you couldn't even hold to your own "ultimatum" he's a little bummed?

vab1216

Is there a chance that he bought it and was going to surprise you?!?! Maybe that's why he got mad. If not, I don't think you are wrong for buying it. If that is something you can afford, then go for it!

deltagirl79

fredalina:

You're only "in the wrong" because you should have waited 2 days just to be absolutely sure he didn't get you one himself.  Otherwise no, not if it's "your" money and you can afford it, etc.

Yep, this. My dad was just complaining about this today. My SM asked for a nice new cutting board for Christmas, so he went to Williams Sonoma and bought a couple. She came home last Friday with a new one. Not only did she buy something for herself in December (a no-no in our family) but she asked for it for Christmas then went and bought it.

excitedforlittleone

He didn't buy it we already exchanged gifts so that is not why he is pouting.  We do our finances in a weird way.  He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills and what's left over is fun money so we don't really "approve" purchases by one another.  Maybe we need to change that lol.

Mommy2B_Hart

formerlyknownaseflo:

He didn't buy it we already exchanged gifts so that is not why he is pouting.  We do our finances in a weird way.  He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills and what's left over is fun money so we don't really "approve" purchases by one another.  Maybe we need to change that lol.

If you've already exchanged your gifts and you know he didn't buy it, then I see no reason for him to be pouting.  My flat iron is 98% dead, but I asked for a new expensive one for Christmas, I'm pretty sure DH didn't buy it, but I'm still dealing with mine for a few more days just to make sure.  Then after we open presents, I'll order the one I want!  Sorry your DH is being pouty, try to talk it out though, it's Christmas,  it's a sucky time to fight!

Amymichelle925

formerlyknownaseflo:

He didn't buy it we already exchanged gifts so that is not why he is pouting.  We do our finances in a weird way.  He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills and what's left over is fun money so we don't really "approve" purchases by one another.  Maybe we need to change that lol.

 Since you've already exchanged gifts then I think it's perfectly OK to have gone and got it for yourself.  And FWIW my DH and I do our finances the same as you, and all this time I thought we were the only married couple in the world that did this

Lucky428

Mommy2B_Hart:

formerlyknownaseflo:

He didn't buy it we already exchanged gifts so that is not why he is pouting.  We do our finances in a weird way.  He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills and what's left over is fun money so we don't really "approve" purchases by one another.  Maybe we need to change that lol.

If you've already exchanged your gifts and you know he didn't buy it, then I see no reason for him to be pouting.  My flat iron is 98% dead, but I asked for a new expensive one for Christmas, I'm pretty sure DH didn't buy it, but I'm still dealing with mine for a few more days just to make sure.  Then after we open presents, I'll order the one I want!  Sorry your DH is being pouty, try to talk it out though, it's Christmas,  it's a sucky time to fight!

 

He didn't get it for you, it's something you really want, you have the money to buy it, so why wouldn't you get it?

dragon_chica

Amymichelle925:

formerlyknownaseflo:

He didn't buy it we already exchanged gifts so that is not why he is pouting.  We do our finances in a weird way.  He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills and what's left over is fun money so we don't really "approve" purchases by one another.  Maybe we need to change that lol.

 Since you've already exchanged gifts then I think it's perfectly OK to have gone and got it for yourself.  And FWIW my DH and I do our finances the same as you, and all this time I thought we were the only married couple in the world that did this

Well then just disregard EVERYTHING I just said.  You're in the right to buy it.  Have you asked him why he appears upset?  Maybe it's something else and the timing just made it seem like it was a reaction to your purchase.

Oh, and the two of you are not alone.  DH and I have been doing this since we first bought our home (2 months before getting engaged.)  The whole concept of having just one pot 'o money just seems archaic to me.  I don't feel the need to justify my spa days and Coach purchases if it's my hard-earned money.

smilelari

dragon_chica:

Amymichelle925:

formerlyknownaseflo:

He didn't buy it we already exchanged gifts so that is not why he is pouting.  We do our finances in a weird way.  He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills and what's left over is fun money so we don't really "approve" purchases by one another.  Maybe we need to change that lol.

 Since you've already exchanged gifts then I think it's perfectly OK to have gone and got it for yourself.  And FWIW my DH and I do our finances the same as you, and all this time I thought we were the only married couple in the world that did this

Well then just disregard EVERYTHING I just said.  You're in the right to buy it.  Have you asked him why he appears upset?  Maybe it's something else and the timing just made it seem like it was a reaction to your purchase.

Oh, and the two of you are not alone.  DH and I have been doing this since we first bought our home (2 months before getting engaged.)  The whole concept of having just one pot 'o money just seems archaic to me.  I don't feel the need to justify my spa days and Coach purchases if it's my hard-earned money.

We also have "fun" money in our house.  A certain amount gets deposited into individual accounts each pay check that we spend however we want.  If that's what you do for finances and it's your money, well I don't think you're in the wrong at all

LoriSTi

Last year my DH spent SO much money on me on jewelry. I'm not the jewelry type. I really wanted to take it back and buy my dslr, but I thought it would hurt his feelings. I waited until march and could only buy the cheapest dslr and DH thought it was a waste of money too. Now this year I got a new nicer dslr. He said he shoulda just got me what I wanted in the first place and it would have saved us 2k, lol. I obviously think it's ok cause I did the same thing. What camera did u get? enjoy your camera

CalinsBride

Are you sure he didn't get you one for Christmas? The only reason I can think of for him to be pouting would be that he DID get you one, is just trying to throw you off, and is now upset that you ruined his surprise. Otherwise, he is being a jerk. You can buy whatever you want if you have your own spending money and it isn't depleting the family budget. It is REALLY hard to move to the next level in photography with a point and shoot--I don't think your DH gets that this is a legitimate interest of yours, not just an expensive gadget.

CalinsBride

dragon_chica:

Amymichelle925:

formerlyknownaseflo:

He didn't buy it we already exchanged gifts so that is not why he is pouting.  We do our finances in a weird way.  He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills and what's left over is fun money so we don't really "approve" purchases by one another.  Maybe we need to change that lol.

 Since you've already exchanged gifts then I think it's perfectly OK to have gone and got it for yourself.  And FWIW my DH and I do our finances the same as you, and all this time I thought we were the only married couple in the world that did this

Well then just disregard EVERYTHING I just said.  You're in the right to buy it.  Have you asked him why he appears upset?  Maybe it's something else and the timing just made it seem like it was a reaction to your purchase.

Oh, and the two of you are not alone.  DH and I have been doing this since we first bought our home (2 months before getting engaged.)  The whole concept of having just one pot 'o money just seems archaic to me.  I don't feel the need to justify my spa days and Coach purchases if it's my hard-earned money.

You can do your finances however you want, but to call other peoples' way of doing things achaic is kind of rude. Any money DH and I make is *our* money. We have a certain amount of fun money, and if we want anything we use that. But I think doing it the OTHER way is weird, personally. I mean, I know women who make a lot less than their DH, so he can afford things that they can't. I even know a couple where the man is a real estate guru, the woman sells Avon, and half the time she is at home alone because her DH can afford to go out and do things and have fun, but she can't, and since it's his money, he doesn't pay for her. I think that's just silly and weird. We're a family. We're a team. Just because one of us makes more money (or even ALL the money) doesn't mean that the other isn't just as valuable and doesn't deserve an equal share. If DH made tons of money, and I SAH, would that mean that I would need to ask him for money every time I want to buy something? How is that any LESS achaic?

Belle15

We normally agree on larger purchases.  Honestly though, I would've waited until after Christmas to make sure he wasn't trying to surprise you. 

excitedforlittleone

LoriSTi:

Last year my DH spent SO much money on me on jewelry. I'm not the jewelry type. I really wanted to take it back and buy my dslr, but I thought it would hurt his feelings. I waited until march and could only buy the cheapest dslr and DH thought it was a waste of money too. Now this year I got a new nicer dslr. He said he shoulda just got me what I wanted in the first place and it would have saved us 2k, lol. I obviously think it's ok cause I did the same thing. What camera did u get? enjoy your camera

Thank you!  Glad to know I'm not just being selfish.  I got a rebel xs.  The only reason I ran out and bought it 2 days before Christmas is because we are going on a trip to visit family next week and I wanted the camera for Christmas and the trip. 

We also talked about it after the fact and it did have to do a little with teh fact that he was upset he bought me a camera last year and now I went out and got a better one.  We talked it out things are fine.  He still doesn't understand why I want such an expensive camera but oh well.