Single Parents

stages of grief from loosing a marriage?

Hi ladies, are there stages of grief that you experienced from loosing your marriage? My husband moved out and I really don't know what the future holds for us at this point.

I was incredibly sad and shocked when he told me, and for the last few weeks since he moved out I've been numb but also finding peace and happiness again. But with the holiday season upon us, I am starting to get really angry. Really, really angry. That he left to be able to figure things out and not stick it out, stick us out. He didn't let me know there were problems until it reached a point where he wanted to walk away. But he wants to spend the fun times together now, like taking DS to his first movie, or spending part of Christmas together.

I don't really know what the point of this post is except to state how angry I'm starting to get at him. 

Re: stages of grief from loosing a marriage?

  • I think that sounds totally reasonable and normal.  I go through those stages, sometimes it seems like several are going on at once but mostly I'm at a peaceful place with it all now.
    DD1 01.19.07
    DD2 11.17.08

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  • It sounds like we're going through something very similar. I knew H was acting weird, but I didn't know it was this bad until he was ready to leave. He wants to stay during the holiday, but go stay with his brother right after. I'm angry as well. Very angry. If you want to talk more PM me.
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  • I believe it...

    1. Denial - "This isn't happening.  This will all work out OK."

    2. Anger - "How could he leave his family like this?  Lying/cheating jerk.  I hope he rots in hell."

    3. Bargaining - "I'll try to be "better" if he comes back, I'm willing to give up having a relationship where I trust my partner so that my kids have both parents, etc."

    4. Depression - "I'm so lonely and sad and upset that this is my life now"

    5. Acceptance - "We are going to be OK no matter what"

     

    OK, yeah, been through all of them...

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  • Just remember, you can jump around between the different stages.  It doesn't always go in order. 

    What are you going through is *very* normal.Best of luck to you.   

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  • imager9stedt:

    Just remember, you can jump around between the different stages.  It doesn't always go in order. 

    What are you going through is *very* normal.Best of luck to you.   

    This is true.  I've "accepted" but it doesn't keep me from just getting ticked off about the situation once in a while.  And the holidays are a bit depressing.

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  • Denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance (depression), hope.

    In my case, I was in complete shock (denial) for 3 months, then pissed as all helll for 3 months, and there was lots of bargaining ("Maybe if I stop nagging him, he'll come back, "If only I lose 20 lbs.," etc.) during those 6 months. It wasn't until at least 6 months after he left me that I realized, "Holy shiit, my husband left me." There's also been tons and tons of anxiety re: uncertainty about the future that only increases as our court date approaches. Truth be told, it's the acceptance part that's hardest. That's where you face your real demons and the hard work is done. I'm just starting that (10 months later). You need to go through the denial, bargaining, and anger before you're ready to face the real stuff though.

  • ITA with R9 that you can jump around in the different stages.  Mostly at first I was in shock.  Not really denial but more, not understanding the enormity of it all.  I never really felt sad about it.  I think I went through that more when we were still together.  By the time we split I was DONE and don't think I truly loved him anymore.  Now I feel angry or I feel nothing when I think of him.  He's like a parasite...a boil on the buttt of humanity.  Yup....there we go again, anger and then nothing.
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  • Yes, I have dealt with anger, feeling depressed about it, lonliness ect. I'm at a pretty good point now except that the holidays make it harder because they amplify the lonliness. But I am certain by next year it will be easier because this year has been easier than last year.
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  • I agree with others that stages jump around and can come and go.  What you are feeling is normal.  After I left my XH, I was so angry and mad that he choose alcohol over a life with me.  I gave him chances to get clean, but he just wouldn't do it.  I was heartbroken.  And now with a LO on the way, he still doesn't seem to want to get sober.  The anger is still there to a degree, but it goes away eventually.  I just put my focus on LO rather than being angry at his father.  Your angry is normal, and I think in time it will die down.  Just keep your focus on your DS and stay positive.
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