Would you be upset by this? (kind of long)

twoasone1

First off, I didn't intentionally snoop.  I got on the computer to check my Facebook and saw I had a private message.  I opened it up and started reading it and was really confused.  I didn't know who the person was etc.  Then I really looked at the page and saw it was my husbands account.  We both have it set so that when you go to facebook.com it automatically signs you in.  Usually it is always on mine because my DH uses his iphone for Facebook.

Anyway, I noticed this about midway through reading it and kept reading anyway.  I know I shouldn't have but my curiosity was peaked.  It was from this girl that he used to know from school.  They were catching up and she said something about people commenting on her southern accent (she is from South Carolina) while she worked on a cruise ship in Hawaii.  He replied back that he always loved southern accents and that he thought it was really sexy. 

So my question is whether or not I am being too sensitive about this?  It kind of bothered me.  We have been having a difficult time since DS was born with intimacy so I don't know if  that history is making me more sensitive than I should be or not.  Should I say something to him?  Thank you for any input ladies!

oboechick7

Honestly I would let this go. He made a comment about southern accents being sexy, but it wasn't like he said she was sexy (right?). I really don't think it sounds like he was hiding anything

vab1216

It is somewhat inapproriate. I would be upset. To be honest, I would probably try to find out if they keep messaging and then go from there. I don't think you should say something yet.

Lucky428

Yes, that would upset me.  That is an inappropriate conversation for a married man to be having with a woman. 

daisy_dueller

I think it depends on your comfort level, really. If you are uncomfortable with it, then that's what matters.

For me, personally. It would probably make me go, "hmmm" but I wouldn't say anything to him about it as long as that's where the conversation stopped. If there were more suggestive messages than just that in there, I would definitely confront him. It would be really hard, however, to not snoop on his fb account after that, and keep tabs on this girl. But thats just how I am. I don't snoop as a rule, but if I accidentally stumbled upon something fishy it would be super hard for me not to snoop after that.

twoasone1

Here is what he said exactly;  Thats funny about the accent thing, i always really liked it. A southern accent on a woman is a big attraction for me:)

I could be being way too sensitive about this.  That is why I wanted to ask opinions.  My judgement may be clouded by our other intimacy issues.  Thanks again!

Violet's Mommy

It would really have hurt my feelings to have read that. However, it probably doesn't mean a thing! By you saying that you have been having "problems" in that area I think it may just be that it hurt even more. I would probably explain to your DH though that you were checking YOUR FB, but realized it wasn't after reading that (which is how you explained to us that it happened, so explain to him) and he should understand and explain to you your being silly!

Violet's Mommy

twoasone1:

Here is what he said exactly;  Thats funny about the accent thing, i always really liked it. A southern accent on a woman is a big attraction for me:)

I could be being way too sensitive about this.  That is why I wanted to ask opinions.  My judgement may be clouded by our other intimacy issues.  Thanks again!

whoa,whoa, whoa!!! just read this and yes, I'd be annoyed...that sounds like flirting to me....and though flirting can be innocent I don't think it's what married men need do!!!

kiwi443

Yes, I'd be bothered and would ask my H about it.

 

July_2009

Honeslty, if you want to find out more about the messaging business, I would not say anything yet. That would put him on alert ( IF he is really messaging this girl often). I would wait and watch...very hard to do..I agree. I hope it turns out to be nothing.

Do you know how to speak in southern accent? Use it on him ...LOL

daisy_dueller

Violet's Mommy:

twoasone1:

Here is what he said exactly;  Thats funny about the accent thing, i always really liked it. A southern accent on a woman is a big attraction for me:)

I could be being way too sensitive about this.  That is why I wanted to ask opinions.  My judgement may be clouded by our other intimacy issues.  Thanks again!

whoa,whoa, whoa!!! just read this and yes, I'd be annoyed...that sounds like flirting to me....and though flirting can be innocent I don't think it's what married men need do!!!

Yep...totally flirting. Reading that now, I would be upset.

mxpxgirl13

Sounds like he is flirting, which would have pissed me off. But did it say anything else other than the accent? I guess it would depend what else he said, IMO. 

FerreraRocher

I wouldn't be upset but that's only because I know that if that statement came from my husband he'd be complimenting but not flirting. We have a solid relationship and friends of the opposite sex that we talk to. I think it depends on the dynamics of your relationship. Obviously it is bugging you since you have asked us about it. Will you be able to let it go and not let it snowball in your thoughts? If not then I would talk to him about it.

Chrysallys

I guess I'm the odd man out. I don't think he is flirting at all, nor would I be bothered by those comments.

twoasone1

Thank you ladies for your opinions.  I wanted to know how others would feel about it.  I don't know what I am going to do about it yet.  I will see how it goes. 

The rest of the email was catching up and he mentioned that he thought she would really like DS.  No mention of me or anything.  Just that he was glad that they reconnected and there were some other small flirtatious things. 

Ughh, I hate confrontation so much.  I need to think about this for tonight at least I think.  Thanks again!

kabarbanel

twoasone1:

Here is what he said exactly;  Thats funny about the accent thing, i always really liked it. A southern accent on a woman is a big attraction for me:)

That sounds very flirty to me, with the smiley face and all, so it would annoy me. I wouldn't snoop, I'd just talk to him about it.

Jocelyn0415

I would see that as flirting and yes, it would bother me.

sarcole530

Yes, I would absolutely be upset. That's just the type of person I am though. I would say something to him if it is bothering you to the point that you just keep thinking about it over and over again.

Soap1

Flirting or not, my hunch is that your DH isn't planning on doing anything inappropriate and your marriage isn't in jeopardy.  Everyone flirts from time to time!  I personally don't find flirting to be even remotely close to cheating.  I do it, and my husband does it!

Here is what I would do.  I would be totally honest and open about the whole situation: you went on Facebook and started reading the message without realizing you were on his account, then you were curious and kept reading.  Apologize for reading his private mail (because in my book, reading his emails is breaking his trust), but tell him you were obviously concerned about what you read.

Just ask him if this is something you should be worried about or if you're reading too much into it. 

sarcole530

twoasone1:

Thank you ladies for your opinions.  I wanted to know how others would feel about it.  I don't know what I am going to do about it yet.  I will see how it goes. 

The rest of the email was catching up and he mentioned that he thought she would really like DS.  No mention of me or anything.  Just that he was glad that they reconnected and there were some other small flirtatious things. 

Ughh, I hate confrontation so much.  I need to think about this for tonight at least I think.  Thanks again!

What were the other flirtatious things that were said?

twoasone1

sarcole530:

twoasone1:

Thank you ladies for your opinions.  I wanted to know how others would feel about it.  I don't know what I am going to do about it yet.  I will see how it goes. 

The rest of the email was catching up and he mentioned that he thought she would really like DS.  No mention of me or anything.  Just that he was glad that they reconnected and there were some other small flirtatious things. 

Ughh, I hate confrontation so much.  I need to think about this for tonight at least I think.  Thanks again!

What were the other flirtatious things that were said?

It was mostly the tone of the whole thing.  He called her girly, that he had been thinking about her latelyand was so glad she found him and added him as a friend.

grace_smith03

I wouldn't say anything and would just keep my eye on it. Sorry that you have to go thru this, especially around the holidays.

GL!

gumiberg

if he was trying to get away with anything, he would have logged off facebook when he was done. that should be reassuring - however, i would definitely bring it up. 

the part about how he has been thinking about her lately would be more upsetting to me than his confession that he finds accents to be sexy. 

sarcole530

twoasone1:

sarcole530:

twoasone1:

Thank you ladies for your opinions.  I wanted to know how others would feel about it.  I don't know what I am going to do about it yet.  I will see how it goes. 

The rest of the email was catching up and he mentioned that he thought she would really like DS.  No mention of me or anything.  Just that he was glad that they reconnected and there were some other small flirtatious things. 

Ughh, I hate confrontation so much.  I need to think about this for tonight at least I think.  Thanks again!

What were the other flirtatious things that were said?

It was mostly the tone of the whole thing.  He called her girly, that he had been thinking about her latelyand was so glad she found him and added him as a friend.

Oh my. This is the icing on the cake. I'd say something, for sure. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

twoasone1

Thank you ladies for the reassurances that I am not going crazy here.  I will talk to him tonight after DS is sleeping.  I don't want to sneak around to try to find out more.  I feel bad enough that I accidentally snooped.  It is just hard that he flirts with her, there was someone else he flirted with in the past too, and he doesn't with me.  I will update after our talk tonight.

 

jjwheat1007

The "rule" that DH and I go by is that if you would say the comment in front of one another, then it must not be that big of a deal.  For example, if you and DH ran into the woman and she was complaining about her accent and DH felt comfortable enough to tell her that he liked it and always thought it was sexy, right in front of you, then it's no biggie.  But if he had to hide it or say it out of earshot, it's a big no no.  Does that make sense? 

sarcole530

jjwheat1007:

The "rule" that DH and I go by is that if you would say the comment in front of one another, then it must not be that big of a deal.  For example, if you and DH ran into the woman and she was complaining about her accent and DH felt comfortable enough to tell her that he liked it and always thought it was sexy, right in front of you, then it's no biggie.  But if he had to hide it or say it out of earshot, it's a big no no.  Does that make sense? 

I never thought of it that way.. that's a good "rule!"

**sunny**

It's inappropriate. He needs to nip this in the bud. Today it's flirtatious messages on FB and comments about how he's been thinking about her. That's probably as far as it's gone. But if this continues, it may very well turn into something more. He's reminiscing about someone else and he's flirting with her online. Not the end of the world, but this needs to be nipped in the bud.

Would you two consider counseling? It sounds like there have been some longstanding issues since your DS was born as you keep mentioning intimacy isues. Counseling would be good. 

erino&chrish

Yes, I'd be upset.  It's not appropriate or okay for a married man to be saying someone/something about them is sexy.  I regularly log into DH's email when he's on the road and needs help with something for work, and I've never see anything inappropriate in years.  It makes me wonder: if you found this, what else did you NOT find?  I'd talk to your DH about it.  I wouldn't lash out at him or go into the conversation angry, but I'd explain what happened and what you read and put the ball in his court to explain himself.  I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

kimberlyk921

vab1216:

It is somewhat inapproriate. I would be upset. To be honest, I would probably try to find out if they keep messaging and then go from there. I don't think you should say something yet.

this exactly 

Echowysp

Yes, it would bother me.  His comment that you quoted sound flirty.  Even if he doesn't mean anything by it, it's not appropriate. I'm sure he wouldn't say that to a woman in front of you, so he shouldn't say it at all.

JennifernKevin4ever

To me it sounds flirty and yes I would be upset. I would say something.

tlc11934

I think it's harmless flirting.  Married people flirt all the time.